~May Your Light Shine :D~

Thursday, July 31, 2008

As I prepared to write in my diary today, I picked up a pen. I know that pen. It irks me just to think of it. Why? For some reason, despite it being almost brand new, with a whole tube of ink, it writes like crap. I can’t stand it that all the ink in the pen is going to waste simply because its tip isn’t working well.

And then God made me realized something through this. In each and every single one of us, is a body full of potential, gifts and talents that He has endowed upon us. How frustrating is it for Him to try and use us, only to find that we are refusing to let go and allow Him use those gifts stored within us.

We may think we are plain and ordinary. Not the eloquent speaker we see behind the pulpit. Nor the charismatic social butterfly that everyone loves and find impossible to hate. And most definitely not the smartest person on the planet. But I believe that God has given every single person gifts and talents that are unique to us just as we are uniquely different from the next person.

Whilst He is in control of our lives, we have the choice to allow Him to use us for His purposes. We may think we are not able enough to do something for Him or we could really be just stopping Him from working through us.

In today’s QT, Our Daily bread asks what our life will look like if it was all laid out in front of us. Will it be full of regrets, what ifs and could haves? Or will it be full of fulfillment, satisfaction and purpose? I remember watching an episode of the Oprah show and there was this lady who was interviewed and she wrote her own eulogy. Sounds morbid? Not really when you think about why she did it. She looks at her eulogy and works to live out a life that she wants to be remembered for when she passes away. What do you wish people will remember you for?

I think I owe everyone who has been praying for me an account of my trip to China. It has been a while since I returned and I have been pushing this off. The reason being I do not know what to say. But I think it is only right that I come clean.

Why did I decide to go in the first place? For a long time, I felt God calling me to do missions. Back in the days when my dream was to be a doctor, my goal was to join doctors without borders. I wanted to go to the poorest countries to help people who couldn’t afford my help. Even as a speechie-to-be, I still want to do that. However, my current career path has its limitations in the area of language barriers. My trip to Vietnam last year where I had the chance to visit an orphanage for children with disabilities was a reality check for me, where I questioned my ability to help people I could not communicate with. I always talked about missions but never went for a mission trip. Hence when I was offered the chance to go this time, I decided its time I did something about what I have been talking about. I have had enough with my own NATO (No Action Talk Only) behavior.

What was I expecting? Honestly, I don’t think I expected anything except answers. Answers as to whether missions were for me. Did I find those answers? Yes and no. I was able to handle with the various inconveniences – although I can’t help getting diarrhea due to the change in diet (read: high oil content). But then again, I stayed with a staff who rented a condominium so living conditions were good. I could speak Mandarin and I understood 90% of what was being said, unless it was in the local dialect or ancient poetry. In other words, I had a pretty easy time. Hardly any roughing out at all. Maybe God was showing me that asking me to do missions did not have to mean me having to give up all the comforts of home.

Just to set the record straight – I did not go to Sichuan. Although the plan was that I will be working with children from there, orphans from the quake who have been dispatched to Kunming. However, as we could not get permission in time, I ended up working with 2 batches of migrant kids – children whose parents have come from the villages to the city to work. Most of them were not from well to do families.

It was kind of a let down that I did not have the chance to work with the children from Sichuan but those kids I was with were not any less precious. We couldn’t openly share the gospel as there were locals helping out. However, as those who have encouraged me say, the love of God was still translated to those children. I truly believe that and not only from me, but from all the local volunteers and the team from Hawaii (whose average age was probably 70 and all barely spoke any Mandarin).

I may not feel like I have done much, but I really was very blessed by everyone I met on this trip. It was very encouraging to see believers obeying God in a place where they may be jailed for that and also believers coming from the other half of the world helping a people they can barely communicate with. And I want to be like them – to obey God regardless of circumstances.

So what do I want to be remembered for? A woman after God’s own heart – sensitive to His will and following Him without hesitation. I want to become a person who wholeheartedly allows God to use her with no reservations. I’m not there yet, but nothing is impossible with Him.

Lydea blogged at 12:18 AM

May your light shine...
in the darkness...