Sunday, March 19, 2006
I really shouldn’t be writing this now when I ought to get started with my Anatomy and Physiology assignment. But I just have to before I forget. Esp since forgetting some stuff has led me to where I am today.
Looking at my Johari window, I realized that my friends think I am religious when I absolutely think I am not. Not because it would make me sound goody-two-shoes, but because it’s the truth. Perhaps outwardly I may seem to be religious to some, however deep inside I know its just a lie. Maybe I managed to fool some of you, or even myself, but God knows the truth. All along I only went through the notions of saying grace before meals (sometimes forgetting), doing quiet time (because my dad wouldn’t fetch me to school if I didn’t do so early in the morning) and going to church (to appease my dad as well). For the past 20 years, there have been minor miracles in my life. Unfortunately, due to the course of time, I can only recall one, when I thought I lost my whole set of textbooks for good and someone found them & had them returned to me.
Having grown up in a Christian family, I never really experienced the shame of being a sinner with God’s saving grace, and certain Christian values have just been unconsciously accepted as a lifestyle. As such, I have been coldly indifferent to godly teachings and ministry.
I remember when I was 12, seeing some friends being so passionate about God, I was jealous of their zealousness. I called out to God to help me love Him, but my plea seem to have felled on deaf ears. There were times I asked God to show Himself to me, that I may know Him more intimately. Not that I do not believe Him, even my scientific/logical reasoning brain concludes that there has to be a higher being out there but sometimes head knowledge does not translate to heart knowledge. I longed for a childlike faith but circumstances made it difficult. I was in some sense of the word, jaded.
Today, I attended Southside church aka Edge, a contemporary charismatic congregation, complete with jumping choir without the praying in tongues. For some unexplainable reason, I was close to breaking down once and shed tears twice. One of the worship leaders shared about a miracle, a 21 year old girl who could have been aborted at 13 weeks in gestation due to a heart defect, whom doctors said she will never walk, run, do well academically or live long, yet is the only one in her course doing her honours concurrently with her undergraduate degree. The pastor asked how is it possible that we have one miracle, yet see so many unanswered prayers (someone’s daughter just passed away, while another girl is in hospital and just underwent an operation). As the pastor closed, we sang this song that goes “God He reigns, God He reigns. Holy is the Lord of Heavens. God He reigns, God He reigns. Forevermore…” As I sang this, tears uncontrollably rolled down. All these years, I acted like He did not exist, but He not only exists, but reigns forevermore. Despite the fact that there is much suffering all over the world, enough to make one wonder how can there be a god. But who are we to demand that He shows He cares, when He made the ultimate sacrifice when He sent His Son down to die on the cross for OUR SINS. How could I have marginalized His presence, when He is the very reason I live? That thought almost brought me to my knees as I realized what a sinner I am. But thank God, He still loves me, and He reigns. My God reigns…
Monday, March 13, 2006
Think you've done this before? Think again. This is the inversion of Johari Window. So instead of telling me my good points, this would be telling me my bad points, which I think is more impt cuz, my blind spots are mainly flaws. So please let me know what are some things you just can't stand about me -http://kevan.org/nohari?name=lydea, so that I can change for the better! =)
I do realize that I am blogging at an appalling rate of 1 post per week… well that is just about the mean rate as that in Singapore, however it just feels like I haven’t done it in ages. I think its most probably you dun see me on msn as often as you used to. I know some of you expect me to be online more often now that I can’t just call you out to go window shopping at Tampines Mall or Orchard. Do forgive me, cuz your dear friend here is a really stingy person, and thus I try to minimize internet usage over in my house. One of the main reasons really why I want to move out of this nice, spacious room, which offers a wonderful view of the rest of the city at a neat price of AUD 130 a week (internet, phone and food not included). But I promise to keep everyone back home as up to date as possible with any new stuff in my life (and Val that includes a boyfriend, if I ever get one), so dun you worry that you wun recognize me when I come back (which would be in July, if air ticket prices are good)
Umm, I just finished watching Bridget Jones’s Diary on DVD which I borrowed from the State Library, so this post might seem more like something I would verbally tell you rather than in written form. Funny show, and although I think Hugh Grant is more charming than Colin Firth, the latter ain’t too bad himself. Although I think Matthew McConaughey is much cuter in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Well there, that pretty much sums up how I spent my weekend, other than cooking, cleaning the kitchen/dining area, washing and ironing clothes. Tmr (or rather today cuz I am blogging this the night before on WinWord) is a public holiday, one of the few in Adelaide actually, so peeps back home, stop complaining. Plan to do my readings tonight and hopefully start on my Anatomy and Physiology assignment due on the 24th , tmr at the library. Sounds dull I know, esp since I have yet to explore the city. However, I am totally clueless over how to complete this assignment and since it constitutes 12.5% of my total grade for the module, I better sacrifice a public holiday for it.
Although I stay in an all-girls apartment, I have a flatmate who regularly brings her bf over to stay. I shouldn’t be complaining cuz Rachel has it worse, she has flatmates who have their bfs over. Well this is something I would not tell my parents if I could (that’s why they do not know the add to this blog, at least I hope not), cuz I wouldn’t want them to worry about my morals degrading and such. I know some of you may be ambivalent over the issue of pre-marital sex, but I strongly believe in saving sex for marriage. Not only does it protect you (esp if you are a girl), but I also believe that it is something that should be reserved only for your spouse. I am no prude, and her bf is really nice, friendly and helpful. However, its best I do not know what goes on behind closed doors.
Anyway, my parents should have nothing to worry about cuz I feel the strong urge to play an active role in OCF(no link? Hmm… ). Maybe its because I never had such a fellowship group back in Singapore, or maybe it’s the familiarity of hearing the more than occasional lahs and lors. Whatever the reason, I feel something igniting in me everytime I praise Him here (I know I have no excuse and shouldn’t be blaming anyone for my lack of passion for Christ, but I think all those years in a BP church sort of stifled the flame in me). There are also non-Christians in OCF, who are lovely people as well, but they remind me of my loved ones whom I may not see in eternity. But that’s for another post…
Went to another church today, to this really secluded, ulu place in the hills, called Coromandel Baptist Church. The pastor preached on the passage of the ‘contest’ between Elijah and the priests of Baal (1 Kings 18:14-46). Actually it is a ‘contest’ between God and Baal, because it was God who sent the fire down from heaven. Elijah was just God’s messenger. Likewise, only God and light the fire in us and others. We can’t do it ourselves nor can we light the fire in other people. Only God can turn the hearts of people back to Him. Now you may wonder if our God is such a great God, why did His ppl stop worshipping Him? Well, other than the fact that we are numbskulls, we like to think we are smart practical ppl. You see, Baal was the god of rain, clouds and whatnots and he supposedly enabled the crops to grow. Being the god he was, he was always wrestling with another god and if it rained, it meant he was winning and if it didn’t, well it just meant that he was losing. Marvel at the human imagination sometimes. Now in Elijah’s time, ppl worshipped Baal cos they needed good harvest, although many knew Yahweh, the God who brought them out of slavery in Egypt. We may think that if we know Christ, we can’t be as dumb as the Israelites back then (btw the Jews are the most intelligent race). We may think that we know the grace of God and His glory & power. True we probably wun go running to praying to ancestors (long dead, buried 6 feet underground or reduced to ashes), or some other god – sorry if this offends anyone, but not sorry to say it. Anyway at the end of the day, who do we trust to get the job done? Ourselves? Our intellect? Are we placing our faith in people or things other than God? Well if the answer is yes, than that is your Baal.
For me, my Baal was my academic grades. If you know me, than perhaps you may think well that was a very reliable and good Baal. Perhaps… but it did not give me the one thing I thought I wanted most. I have always been a very independent person, and that meant not depending on anyone except me. Some of you may think I am harping, that I am already starting a new phase of my life, and should just put the past behind me. However I feel that sometimes the past has a lot to teach us. I strongly believe that God led me to Adelaide for a reason. Exactly why, I am still finding out, but part of the process of getting me here was to deny me the one goal I held for 5 years. When I did not become a prefect in sch or part of the choir com, which I also badly wanted, I convinced myself that people just did not know a gem when they saw one and that it was their loss, not mine (I have such a huge ego right?). Hence, my grades became the one constant I could rely on and take control of, and I took pride in them. Before I knew it, I started measuring myself by my grades. Although not doing well did not drive me to depression, thankfully, it pushed me to work even harder. Nothing wrong with that actually, but I saw my worth in my academic results. Now I know how wrong I was, for good grades alone will not get me to where I want to, in fact no matter what I do will not get me where I want to. Because regardless of everything, my life will go on exactly the way God wants me to and my worth lies in the fact that Christ died for me. That doesn’t mean I just drift along, quite the opposite, I ought to do my best in whatever has been laid out for me, cuz it was planned for my best interests. This means I ought to be heading back to my books, but before I finish this post, let me ask you a question. Where does your worth lie?
Monday, March 06, 2006
Haven’t blogged in a while… can’t post this immediately either as the internet connection is down and no one wants to work overtime to get it fixed. Its like this down under… but I just needed to pen down some thoughts and I believe some people are missing me back in Singapore (I hope!)
Attended Overseas Christian Fellowship for the first time last Friday and went to church with some of the OCF members today to one of their advisors’ church to support her. Felt really at home with the OCF-ers, many of them Singaporeans. They are a bunch of very friendly and warm people. I can see myself forming close bonds with them eventually, and if you know me, I do not say that of just anyone.
Why did we have to go support their advisor? Well, she was giving a testimony about a miracle that just happened to her recently. Her son, Andrew, who is about my age, was jogging as usual and he suddenly just collapsed. However, a doctor who happens to specialize in CPR, happened to be home and saw her son as he collapsed when he looked out of the window. The doctor rushed to his side and tried to resuscitate him after calling for the ambulance, but he was looking blue and there was no pulse. Thankfully the ambulance came in 10 mins and managed to revive him using those electrical shocks I think.
Andrew has a genetic defect which cannot be detected easily and during his jog, his heart started beating out of control, something to do with ventricular fibulations, until it beats so fast that it does not pump any blood at all. The miracle is that Andrew is still alive and very well today. Despite the fact that when he was first admitted into hospital, the doctors told his parents that the chances of him not surviving or becoming permanently severely brain damaged was very high. Had it not been the fact that a doctor, extremely skilled in CPR had gone to his aid within 4 mins, and the ambulance came in 10 mins, Andrew would have no chance of surviving. For when the body is starved of oxygen for a certain amount of time, an irreversible damage occurs which often is fatal, especially for the brain. Statistically speaking, Andrew’s case lies in the 1% of all cases like his. When he awoke from an induced coma the next day, the doctors were taken aback at how quickly he recovered as he was asking to go out for a walk. Today, Andrew has regained most of the memory he lost temporarily, regarding his cardiac arrest and only has some superficial bruises.
What happened was not a matter of fortunate coincidence, but a beautiful orchestration of how God can work in our lives through other people. Whatever happens, good or bad, God made or allowed it to happen. I believe God sent me to Adelaide for a reason. Although from what I hear from my seniors, the course is not an easy one and many drop out, I know God has a purpose for me here. Thankfully, anatomy & physiology is a refresher from biology, linguistics is fun and psychology is interesting. It is only the first week of school, but I take it as a good sign that I am not put off by anything I am learning at the moment. However, the number of datelines I had to put on my calendar is pretty intimidating since I am still quite at a lost for everything.
Have a field placement (an observation of speech pathologists at work) tmr morn so I think I better end of here and will try to blog again soon. In the mean time, to all my friends back home, I love you. Not trying to be mushy, but just wanted to let you all know should I never get the chance to do so again.
Thanks to all the blogs i referred to (countless) for html code help :) (esp. cyn' and sixseven)
Adobe Photoshop Elements for supernatural abilities
