Saturday, August 25, 2007
val says this space is gathering cobwebs... again... which reminds me of the 2 spiders i killed in my house today. oh well i seriously have to do a stocktake of my time to see where it all goes. its as though my 'time pocket' has a hole.
i really do need a time to just be still and hear God's voice. since finding some cave in hallett cove is not an option, i have decided to have a fast - no tv... for a week? well...i'll see how long i can last. quite tempted to go on an msn fast as well. but i think some of my friends will just kill me =P
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Read an article today, that was quite relevant to my recent experiences.
Here is part of what was written:
Tyndale's LIFE APPLICATION STUDY BIBLE notes give some great advice for us as we consider the unknown -
Psalm 130:1,2
In the depths of despair, the psalmist cried out to God. Despair makes us feel isolated and distant from God, but this is precisely when we need God most. Despair over sin should not lead to self-pity, causing us to think more about ourselves than God. Instead, it should lead to confession and then to God's mercy, forgiveness, and redemption. When we feel overwhelmed by a problem, feeling sorry for ourselves will only increase feelings of hopelessness; but crying out to God will turn our attention to the only one who can really help.
I am not perfect, so how do I react when I am confronted with my sin? I can hide or I can do the above. Often we can't change our environment or do anything about our circumstances. However we can decide our response and it is that response that we need to be mindful about. Truly, What Would Jesus Do? If we want the world to change, then change should start with oneself. If we can't change, then how can we expect others to do the same?
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Time flies... its been 1 week since I wrote that pathetic excuse for a post (pun intended). Yes, Ms-I-write-a-post-aka-essay does not count a paragraph of ramblings as a post. It needs to have an introduction, body and conclusion to be considered one.
Kidding... im NOT that anal.
Anyway, its kinda scary that what is blogged about, is placed on cyberspace for anyone to see. This includes people who know you well, people who don't know you that well and people who don't know you at all. Or possibly the cute guy whom you have been trying to impress for ages or an old friend whom you have lost touch with. As I choose to write very personal stuff, I feel kinda exposed at times. But I want to keep this real. I do not wish to paint a rosy picture of my life when it is not true. Life as a Christian does not come trouble free, in fact, Jesus promises that our lives will be filled with trouble. At the same time, or rather most importantly, I pray that whatever is written here does not stumble anyone. Although being a Christian definitely has tough times, I do not wish for anyone to go away thinking that my God is not bigger than my problems. He is infinitely bigger and mightier than all the problems in the world. It is however, our human nature that limits His power in us. I am accountable to God for everything I say and write so if there is any post that doesn't seem right, please let me know. And no, I do not gossip on my blog. Do I?
Sunday, August 05, 2007
ok... i know i promised but i think i'll have to break my promise about updating often. i don't think i'll be able to, not until for a while. just had a 3hr com meeting. so paiseh, came back home after church for a nap and had to be called to be awaken. lol. still suffering from a sleep debt incurred from the overnight prayer meeting. anyway, although uni work has not flooded in, there is heaps to do for OCF during this period of transition. so please bear with my silence once more while i try and get everything in order!
Friday, August 03, 2007
Alrite, I know I said I’ll blog daily but this post is a lil late cuz I spent 2 hours talking on the phone with my family. My resolution for this sem is to call home/friends more often and spend more time with people.
Now that I have gotten the excuses out of the way, here is today’s (or is it yesterday’s) post:
Initially intended to blog about the first day in Sydney, but a phone call made me change my mind. I shall tell you about the last Sunday I spent there instead. What happened then really reminded me that when we things go out of control, God is still sovereign. His ways and thoughts and truly higher than ours…
It was my third Sunday in Sydney and having been to the city campus of Hillsongs the previous Sunday, we planned to visit the hills campus just to have a feel of it. We even reserved seats on the shuttle bus that leaves from the city.
BUT I should have known better. The train station where we were staying nearby was undergoing maintenance works that weekend (I never heard of such things for our MRT in SG, I guess we perform maintenance at hours where the trains do not operate). Anyway, we caught a bus that took twice as long as the train would have if it was running but we still should have at least 10mins leeway. Let us not forget how regular buses can be and this one arrived about 5mins behind schedule. “That’s ok, we can still make it on time.” I thought. Well, we missed the shuttle and there was absolutely no way we could reach the hills in time and without having to spend a bomb. (Could someone from Sydney please explain why the bus services are more costly than the train when the train travels faster and way more punctual? The logic behind this eludes me.)
For some reason, which I now credit to PMS, I was incredibly upset that we missed the shuttle. Toni and Suria shrugged it off as no big deal and that we could just go for one of the 6 services at the city campus. However the more unaffected they seemed about not getting to go to the hills campus (where the action is all at, or at least seems that way), the more upset I became.
It was 10am and we headed to one of the many Sunday markets in the city. I was definitely not a good person to hang out with then. I am a person who wears her heart on her sleeve, so it was really obvious that I wasn’t happy. I was fuming and terribly incensed that I was so angry about such a small matter. As I did not want to do/say anything I might regret later on, I was very quiet and tensed as opposed to my chatty, gregarious self. Poor Toni and Suria bore the brunt of my bad mood, a real sorry to them and thanks for bearing with me. Retail therapy did not work cuz nothing caught my eye and a really rude stall owner who shooed both me and Suria away really dampened my mood further.
Sydney’s CBD is an awful lot bigger than Adelaide’s and it was a pretty long walk from Darling Harbor to Central station to catch the shuttle to the city campus. When we reached Central, we saw the shuttle just whizzed by. However, unlike the hills shuttle, the city shuttle ran non-stop between services (we weren’t so sure then, so we decided to just sit at the bus stop and wait, hoping the bus will come back to pick us up).
At the bus stop, we just sat to rest and then this lady came by and asked if this was where you waited for the bus to Hillsongs. We replied yes and she sat down next to us. I peeked a second glance at her and I found her vaguely familiar, and I had to ask her if I have met her before. Her first reaction was one of shock for she did not recognize me. However, I had a nagging feeling that I met her in China and she was even more surprised when I mentioned that. It took a couple more questions for us to finally determine that we have met before, last December when I went to Jinghong with my family.
The thing that amazes both of us is that we only spoke briefly in China, not more than 5 mins and I could recognize her after all this time. Also, she does not normally attend Hillsongs but as she was at the conference, she met someone from the church and was told to meet him at any of the 6 services on Sunday. So on one hand there was me who did not intend to visit the city campus that Sunday in the first place and on the other was her, who could have gone to a different service time or taken an earlier shuttle (we ended up 15mins late for service and came in just in time to sing the last few lines of Chris Tomlin’s Amazing Grace, which really shook me especially when we sang ‘my chains are gone, I’ve been set free. My God, my Saviour has ransomed me’, for I truly felt the chains of frustration and anger just fall off my shoulders. The song absolutely rocks btw, but that’s for another post). Seriously, the only way to call this is coincidence, also known as divine appointment.
Why do I say so? After the service, we ended up talking and she shared with us about her work in China. She told us that she wanted a quiet Sunday and was not really enthusiastic about talking with me initially. But thankfully I persisted (sometimes I really do have a thick-skin, all thanks to my dad) and from there she felt the Holy Spirit nudging her to invite Suria and myself to join her in her work.
Just before we left Sydney, she told us that after our meeting, she felt that she had to come to Adelaide and speak to the both of us again and let us know more about her work. She will be arriving next Saturday, and thanks to Toni, she may be able to get our church’s support. She was the one who called a couple of hours ago.
It is really funny how I used to want to stay away from whatever my dad is doing, and how now I may end up working in the same area as him. It is as though God brings me one full circle and this way I know that I am there not because my dad cajoled me into doing so. Rather, it will be because God has called me there and I am willing to obey.
I have always wanted to work in developing countries and ever since I came to Adelaide, God has been stirring my heart to do His work. However, I have never been able to go on a mission trip before, neither do I have a specific country in mind. I spoke to my parents about this issue and I know my dad is really happy about me wanting to do this. The opportunist in me is making me want to jump at this chance to be out there in the mission field. I cannot think of a better way for the opportunity to be presented to me than in the form of a miracle re-encounter. Still, it is important for me to seek God in this matter and not make decisions based solely on my own judgments or in Chinese -自作主张. See, I’m practicing my Mandarin already!
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
I do not know if I can trust myself to write a post today.
Emotions are still welling up inside of me and threaten to burst forth if ever I dwell too long on them.
But I promised to update daily and I will stick to my promises.
A very special friend told me certain things today. Things about myself I wish I need not have to face. Again.
It is very easy to just strike it off as the other person being too sensitive, to put the blame on the other person for misunderstanding me. But I will not and do not want to. Its something I have to address and if I do not address it now, goodness knows how many more of my relationships will be damaged because of it. One broken friendship is far too many.
Its times like this that I would very much like to be isolated from the rest of the world. Not so that the world can’t hurt me, but so that I won’t hurt the world. I am afraid of the words that come out of my mouth. I would like to shut up for fear that the next thing I say is going to hurt someone. Knowing I have hurt someone, hurts me. What am I doing as the representation of Jesus when I can’t love the way He loves?
I wanted to call someone but decided to read the bible first, in the hope that I would be able to tame my emotions. And today’s passage was the verses at the beginning of this post. Put yourself in my shoes and what would you be thinking now?
I have read this passage many times, but this is probably the first time it has hit me so squarely on the head. Regardless of how crappy I am feeling about myself, I am asked to be joyous. This ‘trial’ will develop the perseverance that is necessary for me to become mature and complete. I am still in the process of being transformed in Christ’s likeness so I should not loathe myself for not being like Jesus at all times. There will be times that I fail and the wonder of it all is that despite the countless times I fail, God still loves me and sent His son down to die on the cross – for me, who will undoubtedly fail Him again sooner or later.
Oh, and wisdom. I definitely need God’s wisdom in keeping a tight rein on my tongue. The best thing is that I all I need to do is ask, and it will be given to me. I know for sure I won’t be able to change on my own but I am not alone.
It was a good thing I read the bible and persisted in writing this post. I am definitely less hysterical than when I first started. And thank God that He is seeing me through it all!
P.S. To that special friend, please do not feel bad when you read this post. Do know that I truly appreciate your honesty and you caring enough to tell me what you told me.
Thanks to all the blogs i referred to (countless) for html code help :) (esp. cyn' and sixseven)
Adobe Photoshop Elements for supernatural abilities
