Sunday, May 25, 2008
You know when God speaks to you, not once, not twice but 4-5 times in a short period of time, you know He means business.
Today, I wanted to go to the city church, been thinking of moving there due to various reasons - I know heaps more people, nice to actually go somewhere u have friends and I like the pastor there too. However, God had other plans. Last night I received a phone call asking if I could give up my space on the van that fetches ppl to church for another girl. So I agreed and called my dearest Edge south (my church) partner - Dennis, and arranged to meet him.
During worship, a sense of expectation and filling up came over me. I won't say I've been really drained spiritually but I am physically exhausted from my assignments. Little did I know what more laid in store for me.
From the moment I first stepped foot into Edge church, I was immediately enthralled by Pastor Danny's vision. In Singapore, I constantly see bickering and fighting between churches, not just between denominations but also within denominations. Criticisms, rumours and slanderings being thrown over the pulpit. And I am sick of it. Ps Danny on the other hand, actually praises pastors from other churches/denominations over the pulpit. He has also shared again and again his wish not to see the name of Edge church being known, but that of the Church, the body of Christ, being seen by the world as doing what Jesus has called us to do. Whatever decision he makes, he makes it not for Edge church alone, but the whole body of Christ. This included the choice to renovate a high school with barely anything in the church's bank account and this year, to renovate another church.
I know his words aren't just for show as he shares with the congregation how he comes about the decisions he made to fulfil his calling. Our church has recently set up another congregation in Bristol, UK and a few pastors had to leave Adelaide to plant the church there. As the congregation in Adelaide grows, the need for more pastors to look after the people here increases, making it all the more difficult to let go of people to plant churches elsewhere. Although it wasn't easy releasing those pastors, who have been such a big part of the church here, Ps Danny knew that serving the kingdom of God was more important than serving Edge church. Today he shared how another senior pastor will be leaving as God has called that pastor and his family to go back to their hometown and serve the church there.
It must be scary to have so many of your key pastoral staff leave in such a short time. It is also very sad to say goodbye to people whom you have such close bonds with. But Ps Danny said something that reflected his trust in God, he said, with God its always win-win. Just because he has released some ppl to do the work God has called them to do, doesn't mean that Edge church will suffer for it. We will not be lacking and in fact, the Lord has already begun to move the hearts of pastors from different churches. Pastors from other churches all over Australia has since offered their own pastors to Edge, pastors whose gifting matches the gap that has been left/will be left by the pastors from Edge who are called elsewhere. These pastors are saying we are giving you the best we have because we believe we should sow into Edge.
When I heard that, I just choked up in tears. I knew this is what I longed for, for the churches in Singapore and all over the world. Churches who are willing to give their best personnel to another church and trusting that God will provide for them. Ask any company and see if they are willing to give away their employee of the month or their top earner. Definitely not! But the churches here are willing to do so because they understand that other churches are not rivals, but we are all part of the same body of Christ. When a certain part of your body needs more nutrients, the body automatically redirects more nutrients to that part of the body. What good will it do to the body, if that part dies due to lack of nutrients?
In 1 Corinthians 3, we see how there were divisions in the early church, with some saying "I follow Paul and others", "I follow Apollos". The same is seen today in churches saying "I follow Martin Luther" (Lutherans) or "I follow John Wesley" (Methodists). But really, what after all is Apollos( or Martin Luther)? And what is Paul (John Wesley)? Only servants through whom you came to believe - as the Lord has assigned to each his task. We are all God's fellow workers.
When we pray the Lord's prayer (Matthew 6), we say 'our Father', 'give us', 'lead us' etc. For God's kingdom to come, it is not about 'me', but its about 'us'. When making decisions, we shouldn't be asking, what will become of 'me' but how will it impact the kingdom of God, even if it means that it might hurt or tire us.
I've been struggling with whether or not to find another church in Singapore ever since I came to Australia. Honestly, the relationship I have with my peers in my church back home is complicated. My family has been in this church for 8 years? Possibly more and whilst there was a time I could have gotten more involved in church, my family left the church. When we came back, it was hard or rather I couldn't be bothered to try and integrate myself again. Ever since, its been status quo - I know them, they know me, but not much bonds exist. Also, Edge church is a world of difference to my church back home. Edge is affiliated to Hillsong, has worship like a rock concert while my church in Singapore only have 1 acoustic guitar and sings only hymns. I've always gotten alot from the messages here while I seem to always have something to gripe about the messages back home. I sometimes joke about being afraid of developing a split personality. I've been visiting other churches and I really like this other church that is similar to Edge.
It will be easier I think for me to find a new church and plant myself there than to stay in my current church and try to rebuild the bonds that were once there. However, if I really want to make a statement of unity between churches, I don't think running to a church where I feel really comfortable is the way to do it. For some reason or another, I feel like I owe it to my church back home to bring back what the Lord has taught me here. Honestly, I don't think therez much good for me to go back. I fear that I won't get fed spiritually, I won't grow, I fear I don't know how to make an impact on the people... lots of fears really. But Ps Danny said that one of the ways you know the will of God is that there is an unsettling on the inside and it won't go away. It is also a burden that seems to have no advantage for you. It is not about personal success but of purpose outcome. I have been struggling with this for the past 2.5 yrs and I am pretty sure this wanting to stay in my current church doesn't come from me, cuz logic and feeling is pulling me in the other direction.
I dunno why but when I called Jean last night, we ended up talking about this issue and she said that there could be different seasons in your life. Seasons when you get fed and seasons when you feed others. Even if I don't get fed by the pastors in church, God will still feed me, so I need not worry. I guess I will make the decision to stay and get myself involved in church, but I will also continue to seek confirmation to make sure it really is the will of God. And if the answer is an affirmative yes, I pray I'll take that step of obedience and trust God.
Thanks to all the blogs i referred to (countless) for html code help :) (esp. cyn' and sixseven)
Adobe Photoshop Elements for supernatural abilities