Sunday, May 25, 2008
You know when God speaks to you, not once, not twice but 4-5 times in a short period of time, you know He means business.
Today, I wanted to go to the city church, been thinking of moving there due to various reasons - I know heaps more people, nice to actually go somewhere u have friends and I like the pastor there too. However, God had other plans. Last night I received a phone call asking if I could give up my space on the van that fetches ppl to church for another girl. So I agreed and called my dearest Edge south (my church) partner - Dennis, and arranged to meet him.
During worship, a sense of expectation and filling up came over me. I won't say I've been really drained spiritually but I am physically exhausted from my assignments. Little did I know what more laid in store for me.
From the moment I first stepped foot into Edge church, I was immediately enthralled by Pastor Danny's vision. In Singapore, I constantly see bickering and fighting between churches, not just between denominations but also within denominations. Criticisms, rumours and slanderings being thrown over the pulpit. And I am sick of it. Ps Danny on the other hand, actually praises pastors from other churches/denominations over the pulpit. He has also shared again and again his wish not to see the name of Edge church being known, but that of the Church, the body of Christ, being seen by the world as doing what Jesus has called us to do. Whatever decision he makes, he makes it not for Edge church alone, but the whole body of Christ. This included the choice to renovate a high school with barely anything in the church's bank account and this year, to renovate another church.
I know his words aren't just for show as he shares with the congregation how he comes about the decisions he made to fulfil his calling. Our church has recently set up another congregation in Bristol, UK and a few pastors had to leave Adelaide to plant the church there. As the congregation in Adelaide grows, the need for more pastors to look after the people here increases, making it all the more difficult to let go of people to plant churches elsewhere. Although it wasn't easy releasing those pastors, who have been such a big part of the church here, Ps Danny knew that serving the kingdom of God was more important than serving Edge church. Today he shared how another senior pastor will be leaving as God has called that pastor and his family to go back to their hometown and serve the church there.
It must be scary to have so many of your key pastoral staff leave in such a short time. It is also very sad to say goodbye to people whom you have such close bonds with. But Ps Danny said something that reflected his trust in God, he said, with God its always win-win. Just because he has released some ppl to do the work God has called them to do, doesn't mean that Edge church will suffer for it. We will not be lacking and in fact, the Lord has already begun to move the hearts of pastors from different churches. Pastors from other churches all over Australia has since offered their own pastors to Edge, pastors whose gifting matches the gap that has been left/will be left by the pastors from Edge who are called elsewhere. These pastors are saying we are giving you the best we have because we believe we should sow into Edge.
When I heard that, I just choked up in tears. I knew this is what I longed for, for the churches in Singapore and all over the world. Churches who are willing to give their best personnel to another church and trusting that God will provide for them. Ask any company and see if they are willing to give away their employee of the month or their top earner. Definitely not! But the churches here are willing to do so because they understand that other churches are not rivals, but we are all part of the same body of Christ. When a certain part of your body needs more nutrients, the body automatically redirects more nutrients to that part of the body. What good will it do to the body, if that part dies due to lack of nutrients?
In 1 Corinthians 3, we see how there were divisions in the early church, with some saying "I follow Paul and others", "I follow Apollos". The same is seen today in churches saying "I follow Martin Luther" (Lutherans) or "I follow John Wesley" (Methodists). But really, what after all is Apollos( or Martin Luther)? And what is Paul (John Wesley)? Only servants through whom you came to believe - as the Lord has assigned to each his task. We are all God's fellow workers.
When we pray the Lord's prayer (Matthew 6), we say 'our Father', 'give us', 'lead us' etc. For God's kingdom to come, it is not about 'me', but its about 'us'. When making decisions, we shouldn't be asking, what will become of 'me' but how will it impact the kingdom of God, even if it means that it might hurt or tire us.
I've been struggling with whether or not to find another church in Singapore ever since I came to Australia. Honestly, the relationship I have with my peers in my church back home is complicated. My family has been in this church for 8 years? Possibly more and whilst there was a time I could have gotten more involved in church, my family left the church. When we came back, it was hard or rather I couldn't be bothered to try and integrate myself again. Ever since, its been status quo - I know them, they know me, but not much bonds exist. Also, Edge church is a world of difference to my church back home. Edge is affiliated to Hillsong, has worship like a rock concert while my church in Singapore only have 1 acoustic guitar and sings only hymns. I've always gotten alot from the messages here while I seem to always have something to gripe about the messages back home. I sometimes joke about being afraid of developing a split personality. I've been visiting other churches and I really like this other church that is similar to Edge.
It will be easier I think for me to find a new church and plant myself there than to stay in my current church and try to rebuild the bonds that were once there. However, if I really want to make a statement of unity between churches, I don't think running to a church where I feel really comfortable is the way to do it. For some reason or another, I feel like I owe it to my church back home to bring back what the Lord has taught me here. Honestly, I don't think therez much good for me to go back. I fear that I won't get fed spiritually, I won't grow, I fear I don't know how to make an impact on the people... lots of fears really. But Ps Danny said that one of the ways you know the will of God is that there is an unsettling on the inside and it won't go away. It is also a burden that seems to have no advantage for you. It is not about personal success but of purpose outcome. I have been struggling with this for the past 2.5 yrs and I am pretty sure this wanting to stay in my current church doesn't come from me, cuz logic and feeling is pulling me in the other direction.
I dunno why but when I called Jean last night, we ended up talking about this issue and she said that there could be different seasons in your life. Seasons when you get fed and seasons when you feed others. Even if I don't get fed by the pastors in church, God will still feed me, so I need not worry. I guess I will make the decision to stay and get myself involved in church, but I will also continue to seek confirmation to make sure it really is the will of God. And if the answer is an affirmative yes, I pray I'll take that step of obedience and trust God.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
I am so excited once again!!! Have I mentioned I love my church? Well, in fact I love the Church and that is why it is my dream to see the churches in the world unite as one for Jesus Christ.
The Lord has been speaking to me in many ways and its been centred on the same thing - Obedience. I know its a very simple message, but it is so hard to do it. The book I've been reading, yesterday's discipleship and today's message was all about obedience. I think God is speaking loud and clear.
At e-camp, someone spoke about our dreams, about how God puts them there for a reason. But the world somehow always tries to tear down our dreams - by telling us that we are too small, too insignificant, too un-gifted to accomplish those dreams. And before we know it, we grow up learning to believe that dreams do not come true.
You know what, the world is right. We are too small and too insignificant. But if our dreams came from God, then it is not by our own strength that we are going to accomplish those dreams but by God's . And God is not small, not insignificant or un-gifted. He is big, strong and mighty. There is nothing God cannot do.
The book im reading speaks of how great treasures in heaven await us for those who obey but for those who know the good they ought to do but don't, judgement awaits. You may say that I believe that Christ died for my sin so I won't go to hell, but if your life doesn't reflect that, your words mean nothing. Faith without deeds is dead (James 2:26b). Its scary to think how many people think they are saved simply by proclaiming they believe in Christ but still choosing to live life contrary to God's commands.
We all want to know what God's will is for us. But before we can find that out, we first have to align ourselves with His grand plan. The bible tells us of His providential will, things that will happen regardless of what we do. For example like how He sent Christ down to be the sacrifice for our sins and how Christ will return to judge us this second time round. Through this all, God uses ordinary people like you and me to fulfil it. We have to allow ourselves to be used for His purpose. We also have to be morally upright - His moral values for us are stated clearly in His word. By being familiar to His providential will and obeying His moral will, we will be able to find it easier to discern His personal will for us.
Today, Ps Jonathan asked, "How big is your world?" Sometimes the issue isn't so much about changing your circumstances but changing your perspectives. You see a need, a problem, but then you think you are not influential enough to change things. Well, if you walk daily in obedience of God, you will find yourself in a position of influence, you don't even need to plan it that way. Look at David - he went to the battle site to deliver bread and cheese to his brothers and ended up killing Goliath. He was just a boy then and there were many more seasoned fighters than him, but he was the one that killed the giant and he knew it was not by his strength's but God's.
Small world vs Big world
I go to church -----------------------I serve in God's kingdom
I'll do whatever I'm asked ---------- I'll do whatever it takes
Seek to be fed by God -------------- Seek to be led by God
My ministry, my position ---------- His mission, His positioning
My needs ---------------------------Needs of others
Build within myself ------------------Build beyond myself
See the cost -------------------------See the harvest
Pray for rest ------------------------Pray for strength
Carry my buden --------------------Carry His burden
Accept eternal life ------------------Lay down my life
So do you live in a small world or big world?
Sunday, May 11, 2008
I am currently reading a book called ‘Heaven is so real!’ that Mao has so kindly bought for my birthday. And I have been reminded once again to blog.
Whenever I blog, I write an essay, so you can just imagine how long it takes for me to jot down all my thoughts in a coherent manner, with the intention of letting others understand my own journey with God and hopefully know God as well.
As usual, I am really busy with school work. And while its tempting to whine about how terribly confusing my lecturer’s instructions are, I do remember that this blog has not been dedicated as an emotional outlet for me. I have my patient friends who never fail to lend me listening ears for that.
The point for this post was a follow up to the previous posts. It must have been plain to see that I wasn’t having the best time of my life then. Every time I go through a rough patch, I ask God, “What is it that You want to teach me?” This is especially when I seem to be going through the same thing again and again. Either I have not learnt my lesson or there are new lessons for me to learn.
Once again, the problem stemmed from me saying something that hurt another person. Before I knew what the problem was, I was very confused. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. It was hard to pretend I was normal when I obviously was troubled. Im not good at lying to others or myself. After finding out about the problem, another emotion arouse within me - one that I have not felt before. It was anger.
Whenever I find out I have hurt someone, I get very upset with myself for not handling other’s people feelings properly, for not being sensitive enough. I would get angry with myself. But this time, I got angry at being misunderstood. Yes, people have every right to be hurt if my words offended them. But do I have the right to be upset if people misconstrued my intentions? When my genuine concern gets taken as being judgmental. When friendly playfulness is seen as an insensitive remark. I am truly sick and tired of being misunderstood time and again.
So do I have a right to be angry? The conclusion I came to was that the point wasn’t whether I had that right, but whether I was willing to give up that right. It well may be that I have every right to be as upset as the other person. Despite knowing that we live in an unfair world, we all seem to strive for fairness. Somehow we all have an innate tendency to have an eye for an eye or a tooth for a tooth. However, this incident pointed me to the fact that our Saviour gave up many of His rights for us. He gave up His glorious place in Heaven to come down to Earth which He created. He gave up His position as the Son of God to be the humble servant who washed the feet of His disciples. He gave up His authority over life and death and died for our sins, that we may gain eternal life.
Despite how the people treated Him then and even knowing that 2000 years down the road, some people will still treat His name with contempt, He had and still has every right to wipe out the whole human race for we are His creation. But He gave up that right and bore our sins and shame, all because He loves us. So its not about having rights, its about giving our rights up for love. And we love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19).
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Its been a while (as usual) since I blogged and I apologize for the depressing note that has clouded over this blog for far too long. Thank God the storm has passed and I have been encouraged by many. A few thanks are in order (albeit belated):
Thanks Hanee for being such a patient and understanding housemate. Din know you’d have gotten more than you asked for when you entered my room that day right? Didn’t mean to burden you so, but your listening ear meant a lot to me.
Thanks Mao for dragging me out for a run and with the help of the sun, brightened up my whole day. Really sorry we couldn’t run as much as you wanted due to my stitch (is this how you spell it?).
Thanks Arthur, despite being in another state and haven’t seen me for months, you responded to my sharing by praying over MSN, you have no idea how uplifting that was. Do know that any time you need prayer, I’ll be there to do the same for you.
Thanks Andrew for giving me the extra support during BS that Friday when I wasn’t sure I could hold it together. Knowing you were there to back me up, gave me the peace to do what I had to.
Thanks Vanessa for the hug that squeezed out any negative thought left in me.
Thanks Danielle for inviting me for the meal at your place, it helped me remember what it was like to appreciate the simple joys in life - chatting over a meal.
Thanks Jean for your concern and sorry for making you worried.
Thanks Val, Jez, Grace, Suria, Betty, Pik and HuiJuine for just being a friend when I needed 1.
Thanks Qin and Rach for caring enough and not leaving when the going got tough. Thanks for standing by me and helping me pick myself up. Its been 2 years since we first arrived and I thank God for allowing me to share this journey with both of you.
Thanks to God for bringing all these people and everyone else whom I may have left out, into my life. Thank God for the trials and the grace that accompanies, for I know and believe that all things happen for the good of those who love Him.
Thanks to all the blogs i referred to (countless) for html code help :) (esp. cyn' and sixseven)
Adobe Photoshop Elements for supernatural abilities
