Friday, March 28, 2008
never before has there been a song like this that is exactly what i feel right now...Porcelain Heart - Barlow Girls Broken heart one more time Pick yourself up, why even cry Broken pieces in your hands Wonder how you'll make it whole You know, you pray This can't be the way You cry, you say Something's gotta change And mend this porcelain heart of mine Someone said "A broken heart Would sting at first then make you stronger" You wonder why this pain remainsWere hearts made whole just to break Creator only You take brokenness And create it into beauty once again
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
I like to watch shows
I like to read books
Because for those brief moments that I am
I can be somewhere where my problems don't exist
I can laugh
I can cry
And its ok, because they aren't for real
But when the ending credits roll
Or when I reach the last page
My life comes back to haunt me
No matter how hard I try
I can never shed a tear
Maybe I ran out of it years ago
'Cause the world is really round
And things do go in circles
There's no point running away
You just end up running straight back
And things may be worse than before
Time does not iron things out
But it lets you breathe
Yet breathing too can be hard sometimes
For every breath makes the heart a little heavier
Friday, March 21, 2008
I guess its about time I wrote something. I know, some people just want to hear from me to make sure I am fine even if I don’t really have much to share about. Its not that I don’t have anything to share but I apologize for not giving myself the time to muse about such things. I’ve been busy with goodness knows what and time has once again escaped from me.
Today marks the end of the 3rd week of school and amongst the chaos I call school, a couple of things that warrant my attention has cropped up as well. I know I once said that I aim to be very open through this blog but for discretion’s sake, there are some things that I will have to refrain from putting on the World Wide Web.
As you all know, Im not perfect and there are some issues that I constantly struggle with. Maybe its the ‘torn in the flesh’ for me in which God may never remove so that His strength can be revealed through my weakness. Today is Good Friday and the question that I am left with is, can I like Christ, give without expecting anything in return? Its hard for me to keep on giving without getting much in return, after a while, I decide that its not worth my while and I think of giving elsewhere. Perhaps its like a childish part of me saying, “Hmph, if you don’t wanna play with me, I’ll just find someone else to play with.”
While I ponder about what Christ has done for me, I wonder if my attitude is correct. You may say don’t feed pearls to the pigs because they will trample all over it (Matt 7:6) but could it be that I’m just too calculative? Christ died on the cross for all of us, despite knowing that millions will reject His gift of grace, ridicule the ludicrousness of an all-powerful God giving up His most prized possession for lowly beings like us. What hurt Him most was not the crucifixion but having the weight of the world’s sin bear upon Him and separating Him from the Father – something which He has never experienced before. The Father and Son are One and what happened on the cross was literally God tearing Himself away from His Son because holiness and sin cannot mix. Jesus who was free of sin, at the point of His death, was paying for the judgment of our sins.
Have you met someone who stinks of alcohol and dirt, possibly a homeless person? How many of you would even think of going near that person? Or have you encountered someone whose values disgust you, maybe cuz he or she hasn’t got any in the first place? Would you like to be associated with that person? If we as sinners ourselves (though we like to think we aren’t as bad as some other people we know), shun away from those physically unclean or immoral people, wouldn’t Jesus who is perfect, have an even stronger aversion? Instead, as we read the bible, we find Jesus going all out of the way (taking a boat across a lake) to heal a demon possessed (read: unsound, definitely filthy and possibly dangerous) man. Jesus dined and wined with tax collectors, people seen as traitors by the Jews who resisted the Roman rule. He even allowed a prostitute to kiss His feet and wipe them with her hair.
On the surface it may seem that He preferred to spend time with those who are more sinful than others, those who had ‘dirty’ jobs. He chose to minister to them more because they were aware of their sinfulness and their own need for God’s saving grace, as opposed to the self-righteous religious teachers of that day. Jesus saw their heart beyond their exterior and just like the lyrics of Hosanna by Hillsong, I really need to ask God to “open my eyes to the things unseen, show me how to love like You have loved me.”
I understand that I will not be the one who will sow the seed, tend to it so that it grows or harvest it in everyone around me. But I think what I need most now is the Lord’s direction to show me how to look beyond a person’s exterior and ministering to those whom God has prepared me for.
Thanks to all the blogs i referred to (countless) for html code help :) (esp. cyn' and sixseven)
Adobe Photoshop Elements for supernatural abilities
