~May Your Light Shine :D~

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Played captain's ball yesterday... for like 3 hours... and the last time I played that was like 3 years ago?

My butt, thigh and calf muscles are all aching now - payback for not actively exercising ever since leaving school. Yea I do go for a run every now and then, thanks to Mao who calls me up everytime the weather is good. But nothing as long and intense as what I did yesterday. It was real good fun though, thinking of setting up a captain's ball club here in the village.

After my crazy week at school, I was looking forward to a restful holiday. Unfortunately, I haven't really had one. This holidays have almost been jam packed with OCF activities. Just had a leadership camp over the weekend, which was really good - practical and enjoyed fellowshipping with the other 2 centres. As my MSN nick states, I truly am drained physically.

I wonder why. I mean if I am doing what God wants me to, shouldn't I "run and not grow weary, walk and not be faint"? (Isaiah 40:31b). Why is it that I am constantly so tired? I told a friend recently that ever since I have grown closer to God, my life seems more cluttered.

You may be wondering why I say that. Knowing God ought to make my life simpler, cuz my focus should be on Him and Him only. However as my heart starts to beat like His, I realize my life cannot stay 'simple' anymore. Gone are the days when I spend days and hours on end, just doing my own stuff. It was just me, myself and I. Holing myself in my room or at home, reading a book, watching some drama or even have the luxury of spending as much time as I want doing my assignments. Despite my inner yearning to do those, I am truly compelled by Christ's love (2Cor 5:14) to do otherwise. This does not mean that the time spent being there for others is done unwillingly, I really love building up other people. 'Compelled' in this sense is really 'I can't help but do so'.

Does this imply that I am being compelled to exhaustion? No - the only reason I am feeling exhausted is because I have been trying to do all these on my own strength, my own reserve, which obviously is limited. If I rely on God's strength, drawing upon His limitless resource, I will not be having this problem. Going back to Isaish 40:31, the first part of the verse says "but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles". If I want to not grow tired and weary, then I will have to place my hope in the Lord and not on myself.

This I am still learning to do, having grown up with such an independent spirit in me. I am not super-woman and never will be. I am only human and need my rest. Why else did God create Sabbath for us? Sabbath is important even during the season of harvest, when one is busiest. I like how Uncle Vincent describes Sabbath: "Unhurried time and space to get out of the frenzy of life, to listen to God". Sabbath is not a waste of time or efficiency. It is necessary and like a Chinese saying which goes "休息是为了走更长的路" (ie rest so that you can go a longer way).

Lydea blogged at 10:31 AM

May your light shine...
in the darkness...