~May Your Light Shine :D~

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

I do not know if I can trust myself to write a post today.

Emotions are still welling up inside of me and threaten to burst forth if ever I dwell too long on them.

But I promised to update daily and I will stick to my promises.

A very special friend told me certain things today. Things about myself I wish I need not have to face. Again.

It is very easy to just strike it off as the other person being too sensitive, to put the blame on the other person for misunderstanding me. But I will not and do not want to. Its something I have to address and if I do not address it now, goodness knows how many more of my relationships will be damaged because of it. One broken friendship is far too many.

Its times like this that I would very much like to be isolated from the rest of the world. Not so that the world can’t hurt me, but so that I won’t hurt the world. I am afraid of the words that come out of my mouth. I would like to shut up for fear that the next thing I say is going to hurt someone. Knowing I have hurt someone, hurts me. What am I doing as the representation of Jesus when I can’t love the way He loves?

I wanted to call someone but decided to read the bible first, in the hope that I would be able to tame my emotions. And today’s passage was the verses at the beginning of this post. Put yourself in my shoes and what would you be thinking now?

I have read this passage many times, but this is probably the first time it has hit me so squarely on the head. Regardless of how crappy I am feeling about myself, I am asked to be joyous. This ‘trial’ will develop the perseverance that is necessary for me to become mature and complete. I am still in the process of being transformed in Christ’s likeness so I should not loathe myself for not being like Jesus at all times. There will be times that I fail and the wonder of it all is that despite the countless times I fail, God still loves me and sent His son down to die on the cross – for me, who will undoubtedly fail Him again sooner or later.

Oh, and wisdom. I definitely need God’s wisdom in keeping a tight rein on my tongue. The best thing is that I all I need to do is ask, and it will be given to me. I know for sure I won’t be able to change on my own but I am not alone.

It was a good thing I read the bible and persisted in writing this post. I am definitely less hysterical than when I first started. And thank God that He is seeing me through it all!

P.S. To that special friend, please do not feel bad when you read this post. Do know that I truly appreciate your honesty and you caring enough to tell me what you told me.

Lydea blogged at 10:50 PM

May your light shine...
in the darkness...