~May Your Light Shine :D~

Monday, July 30, 2007

Okok, im gonna stop procrastinating as of now. I think one of the reasons why I have been pushing this off is because I know that it will be very long and that I will be at this for hours =P But it makes it worst, cuz the longer I wait, the more things I have to write and the longer I’ll write… ok. It’s a vicious cycle. So people, procrastination is not a good thing to pick up.

Let’s see, my last post was on 1 Jun. What has happened since? Lots. Haha. Hopefully I can remember everything and share with everyone.

Well, basically the whole of June, it was either preparing for the exams or having to sit for one. Had 6 papers. To those back home, it may not seem much, but with majority only having 2 or 3 papers here, 6 is a lot. Its not as though I did not have a multitude of assignments prior to the exams. It was truly a very stressful period as I have never felt so unprepared for an exam before. I am the 10-year plan girl, and it scared me terribly that I did not have the time to go through all the material for each topic at least twice before the exam.

Call me crazy, but after years of being a failure at PR skills, my security and confidence lied in my academic performance. It was not sufficient for people to tell me that I am smart, I had to work extra hard not to prove them wrong. Anyway, with everything that happened the last sem, I had to understand that I could not expect to be able to put in the same amount of preparation as I usually do. So I just did my best and let’s just say that God has been faithful. I will not, I repeat, WILL NOT fall into the trap of comparing with my other classmates because when I compare I am telling God that what He has given me is not good enough. God often gives me results that are good enough to keep me thankful and humble at the same time. I still remember the time when I got an L1R5 of 7 points and a D7 for Higher Chinese, despite studying the hardest for it. What a joke.

This brings me back to the time I was studying for my exams. A friend’s comment of being disorganized and having the wrong priorities kept ringing in my head. I worried and I questioned whether or not my decision to join OCF com was correct. What if my results suffer because of it? Then thoughts of whether to stay on in com plagued me. If I step down, is it because I am not trusting God to carry me through the responsibilities of OCF and workload of my course? Or do I want to step down because I feel that I could do more outside of com for the people that God brought into my life? I was also approached to join the com for convention, this camp that is held every year and next year in Adelaide. With so many options, I found it hard to choose. In fact, I am still unsure about my decision to stay on in the local com. But 1 thing for sure, is that wherever I choose to serve God, He will definitely be faithful. My last sem’s results are proof of it. In fact, over this couple of weeks, or months, I realized that I am thinking less about my duty as a student but about my duty as a child of God and my work for the furtherance of the kingdom. I know when I say this I will have people tell me the same thing I always told others – If God sent you here as a student, then your utmost duty here is to be a good one. And believe me, I have not forgotten that. In fact, God-willing, I intend to do my honors and eventually a PhD in my field. Have I said this before? Ok, maybe not and I can just imagine some of your thinking I really have lost my mind. Maybe, but I definitely see the need for more research in my future vocation. I digress.
The point is, I have not forgotten my duty as a student. But I recognize that I am called to be much much more than just a student who scores straight As. I can be a student who scores straight As AND reach out to the hurting AND feed the poor AND proclaim His name to the nations. This may sound impossible which probably is by human strength, but I will not be relying on my own strength but on God’s. I pray that I may not only glorify God in my grades, but in everything I do. What is the point in having excellent grades and living just for the now when I can live for eternity? I want my life now to count for eternity, because compared to our lifetime here, eternity is a long loooonnnngggg time.

Do not get me wrong when I seem to harp on how terribly busy I was last sem with things other than school work, but still managed to do really well considering circumstances. The only reason why I keep mentioning it is because I want everyone to know that it is by God’s grace and His grace alone that I pulled through. 1 Corinthians 1:31 – Let him who boasts boast in the Lord. I can recall praising Him when I was doing my readings because I had no trouble understanding what I have to learn. If He did not supply the much needed wisdom, I would definitely have had a panic-attack and freaked out before the exams. Contrary to popular belief, I do not have an IQ of 180.

I’ll stop here for now lest you ppl think you are reading a draft for an autobiography. To not make your feel so overwhelmed, I’ll be giving you the rest of the story bit by bit. I’ll be updating daily from now on, so stay tuned =)

Lydea blogged at 11:18 AM

May your light shine...
in the darkness...