~May Your Light Shine :D~

Monday, April 30, 2007

i am utterly shocked at myself...

i actually managed to forget a dateline! and the best thing, i only realize it 1/2 hr AFTER it was due.

Well done lydea.

There were so many things that led me to doing something that is totally out of character for me. I've always prided myself in putting academic first. Although I am now learning to put God first, I am pretty sure that God doesn't want me to be neglecting my studies either. My advice to people have always been, "God brings you here to study, your duty first and foremost is to be a good student, not a good OCF com member or church member."

Then again, the reason why I have been so busy is not just because of OCF. I was actually so preoccupied with doing the assignments due today (I honestly would puke blood if I have to write another sociolinguistics and bilingualism essay) that that I had a quiz due yesterday totally slipped past my radar. I also forgot to write it down because I only knew we had one like a couple of days before. Given the circumstances, it is hardly surprising that I forgot, but still, its really not something I am accustomed to.

My housemate says I am quite calm about the whole thing. Oh well, I already missed the dateline, there is really nothing I can do about it other then to pray and trust that God will provide. My lecturer is letting me take the test, but currently there is some problem with the website (as usual) so I can't access it as yet. I'm gonna get penalized for being late as well, but better late than never.

The verse that kept ringing in my head this morning was: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6.

The reason eludes me as to why God allowed me to forget (note the difference: God did not CAUSE me to forget, but everything that happens is under God's jurisdiction, good or bad). Or why I had to go through what I went through at the beginning of this year. So far, 2007 has been a pretty rocky year, injecting some excitement to my otherwise monotonous life. I can only think that God is rocking my boat, sending storms my way, pushing me way out of my comfort zone, so that I can experience His peace amidst the chaos. So that I have no choice but to lean on Him and not on rely on my own strength. Because honestly, no matter how strong I may be, there's gonna be a breaking point somewhere.

It has not been easy relinquishing control (I'm quite a control-freak) but slowly (and hopefully surely) I am learning to trust that God knows what is best for me. When trials come, leaning on my own understanding to make sense of the situation is pointless. Certain things just defy logic, I think most people would just attribute it simply to bad luck. But despite everything, I know I am secure in the loving arms of my Father, who is always there for me.

So dear friends, if anything, please pray for me. Pray especially for wisdom - I need lots of it =)

Lydea blogged at 10:20 AM

May your light shine...
in the darkness...