~May Your Light Shine :D~

Saturday, March 03, 2007

I think many people should know my predicament by now.

I was foolish, blindly optimistic, obstinate... and made the mistake of moving out of my showroom apartment with the best view on campus.

When I arrived at my new place 1 week ago, I realized how pampered I was last year. This current place is not exactly a dump, but it obviously cannot be compared to my previous accommodation. Being in a daze due to a lack of sleep on the 7hour midnight flight, I went through the notions of moving in, going to Raymond's place to get the rest of my stuff and lugging them into a room that barely seems to fit them all. Unlike last year, I was all alone in this new place, without friends around me. The first 2 nights were unbearable. My new housemate (who is really nice) had guests over, which kept me awake, despite me being dead tired. For the first time I've been overseas, I felt terribly homesick. Even trying to cry to sleep did not help.

Honestly, the room is fine. But what is really pushing me to move out and back on campus is the 25min walk to school (I have lessons at 9am 4 days a week btw). Walking to school in the cool mornings is ok, I've turned it into morning chats with God, thanking Him for watching over me and praying for someone to take over my place soon so I can move out. Walking back in the middle of the day, with temperatures soaring above 35deg Celsius, up the steep hill, is not easy. As much as I would like to put up a brave front, I do not think I can do it for the rest of the year.

Since last week, my life has been an emotional rollercoaster. Highs when people express interest in the room, and lows when they choose not to take it. I do not know how long I can take it and cope with the readings that have seem to flood in with every lecture I attend. Thank God the assignments aren't due till a while later.

But every dark cloud has a silver lining and I would like to say my cloud is probably half silver. During this period, I come to realize I am truly blessed. All my friends have been wonderfully supportive. Not a single one said "I told you so" although I would probably have said that if the roles were reversed. My housemates who know me for only a couple of days helped post notices in the various campuses for me. Everyone tells me that things will work out eventually/soon and I know that they do not know when things will work out but they just want me to keep my hopes up and not fall into a depression, for which I am very grateful.

The best thing of it all, is how Quiet Time with God have become so personal and close to heart. First He reminded me that He answers prayers, ask and ye shall receive. Then He told me to cast my cares on Him and His peace will guard my heart and mind. Yesterday He said He hears when I cry out and will deliver me. And today, El Roi - You are the God who sees. Its simply amazing how He reminds me everyday that my heart is in turmoil, that He is here for me and He is truly all I need.

I believe that every thing happens for a reason. Qin says my life is full of dramas. Perhaps... I do not know why things do not go smoothly at times, however I know that whatever happens, God has a reason for letting it happen. And I believe that I have taken out valuable lessons from this incident. Firstly, not everything can be measured by money. True, I may have saved money moving out of campus, but the convenience and comfort of being around friends is gone. Also, before insisting of moving off campus, I should have thought it through more carefully about living off campus alone. I guess there are certain things that you only learn through experience.

A friend told me that she thinks this incident is a blessing in disguise as she feels I have changed for the better through it. Whether or not I have changed, only time will tell and by God's grace, I'll pull through this!

Lydea blogged at 9:50 PM

May your light shine...
in the darkness...