~May Your Light Shine :D~

Thursday, February 01, 2007

before I start grousing, let me announce a good news: I've found a place! Thank God for Danielle who took the trouble to look at places for me and called around. Thanks to all my friends who prayed and worried for me. Your concern is well appreciated =)
http://www.ptlaustralia.on.net/ - Im gonna be staying in the Bellevue House rm 7. Basically I will be sharing the place with another Aussie girl, in this wing of the house which has 2 rooms, 1 bathroom and a kitchen. Can't wait to go back and move in. Im going back just 2 days before school starts, and I'll have to move all my stuff there and set up my place and not forgetting - buy groceries! ah...how? no time...no time....

i think i've been sleeping way too much here... slacking is officially bad for health. not only do you put on weight, you stay lethargic the whole day, as though you did not rest at all. and the worst thing about it is that you start to 胡思乱想 (let your thoughts run wild). Being pessimistic by nature, my thoughts tend to be... well... pessimistic! The only optimistic ones are probably my daydreams of becoming a superstar and that all the guys whom I fancy having a crush on me. Ok, that's more like a delusion than anything.

Perhaps I was just pms-ing or maybe I was really thinking too much. However, because of my past, I couldn't shake off the feeling that my nightmare is happening all over again. Just when I thought I could say goodbye to it forever. I shan't bore everyone with the details, but my dear friends I am sure your know what I am talking about.

As I was wallowing in self pity, I did my quiet time (it was like 11pm when I ought to have done it first thing in the morning and not just b4 going to bed). and it dawned upon me, (not for the first time, mind you, but we all need reminders) that the treatment I was perceiving from some people was exactly how I was treating God! The same God whom I pledged less than a year ago not to break His heart again. The same God who despite the countless times I have let down, did not fail to be there for me whenever I needed Him.

"He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces, he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him and afflicted. " Isaiah 53: 3-4

By going about my life, without a care of Him, even indulging in activities that does not honour Him nor edify myself, I totally disregarded His presence in my life. God is omnipresent and this means He is always there even if you do not think of Him or even disbelieve in Him. By my own human effort it would be impossible to think of Him every waking minute, to love Him with all my heart, all my mind and all my strength. But all things will be made possible through Christ.

"But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:5

Still, Im very disappointed in myself. God, please forgive me, for hurting you after all that you've done for me...

Lydea blogged at 2:55 PM

May your light shine...
in the darkness...