~May Your Light Shine :D~

Saturday, September 23, 2006

this is the post I wanted to blog sometime back but other things cropped out, so here it is...

From the inside out

A thousand times I’ve failed, still your mercy remains.
And should I stumble again, still I’m caught in your grace.
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades.
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame.
In my heart, in my soul, I give you control, consume me from the inside out.
Let justice and praise, become my embrace, to love you from the inside out.
Your will above all else, my purpose remains.
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise.
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades.
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame.
And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise, from the inside out, Lord, my soul cries out.

This is one of the new songs I have learnt here in Australia that have really touched my heart. Lately I have been feeling horrible about myself. Not in a sense of having low self esteem, but having a strong awareness of my sinful, imperfect nature. Being a perfectionist, it hurts to know how far away from being perfect I really am. Almost every other thought, I am judging people, I am NOT slow to anger and I often find it hard to love everybody. You may say no one is perfect, and I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. Perhaps, but it doesn’t change anything. I am still a flawed human being.

I can’t stand hypocrites, and I really do not wish to be one either. And so for the record, let me admit that it is hard to live my life wholly for God. With friends, school work, and other distractions, its an effort finding time for Him. As I become more involved in OCF, it may seem that I am doing His will, but what He really wants is me, not my service, to love Him from the inside out.

Back home, my faith was dead, cuz faith without works is dead. Coming here, I thought by throwing myself into church and Christian fellowship activities, I could grow closer to Him. Now I know that it is not those acts of service, but my heart that He sees. And I can’t work out a passion for Him, only He can spark the fire in me.

Looking back at the past year, I finally understand His plan and purpose for me. When I thought that my dream of helping underprivileged children in the developing world was taken away, He has graciously given it back to me. A year ago, I would have never imagined becoming a missionary, but now the idea of being medical missionary is constantly floating across my mind. To be a tentmaker, using my profession as an opportunity to enter what would otherwise be uncharted territory for missionaries. So you see, it is possible for me to obtain my degree to fulfill the Great Commission and glorify Him!

Lydea blogged at 1:40 PM

May your light shine...
in the darkness...