Friday, January 20, 2006
I called NCSS....
Asked when will I know the results of my scholarship application...
Drum roll please....
1 MONTH'S TIME!
I am so tired of waiting...
I feel like I have aged 5 years in the last 1 year...
But my mental capacity has shrunk to that more than 5 years ago due to lack of use...
My life in the past year is very much like this post...
Empty.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Do not know how exactly to explain what I am feeling now... Really excited over the development of the show I am watching however it is gonna end soon. Sad...Well at least I will still be around when it ends =)
It has been over a month since my interview, no news. Please pray that God will grant me grace to accept whatever the outcome may be and strength to wait on Him. My patience is running really low, with my housing application still UNDER CONSIDERATION and there seems to be nothing much I can do to prepare for leaving. Thank God at least I have some work to do in the morning, although not much, but it prevents me from killing more brain cells by simply morphing into a couch potato, either sitting in front of the tv or computer for hours. My dad says I am enjoying life, but unfortunately I am one who thrives on work and I feel like an empty shell. Can't wait to start school!!!! I know many of my friends who have already started school do not sympathize my situation, but I seriously cannot stand just waiting for time to pass me by with no goal whatsoever.
Ok, just saw a lizard run towards me. No idea where it is now.
Anyway, I have been reading chinese books to ensure I do not lose the language I spent so much effort on and I have to say I am getting pretty good at it. My reading has improved and it is now almost on par with my english reading speed. Alright, so the books I choose are not exactly hard to understand, but its better than not reading at all! And thanks to all the idol dramas I have watched, chinese is no longer that dreadful. My little brother's mandarin is atrocious and he absolutely detests the subject. My parents are trying ways and means to help him pass the subject but to no avail. Guess you can't force certain stuff...
I seem to have digressed from what was to be the main point of this post. Was reading today's QT and it was on the shortest verse in the bible, "Jesus wept."(John 11:35) This verse is found in the passage about how Jesus' friend Lazarus died and was raised from the dead. (Not as a zombie but as a healthy living person. N.B. Only Jesus can bring a person back to life) The true account goes like this : Jesus received news that Lazarus was very ill, but waited another 2 days before going to see Him. When He arrived at Lazarus' hometown, Lazarus' sisters cried at Jesus feet and asked why didn't He come earlier, for their brother had already died. On hearing that, Jesus cried. But later, He went to Lazarus' tomb and brought him back to life. Now, the question is why did Jesus wait? He knew that if He waited Lazarus would surely die and He would have spared Himself the grief if He went earlier.
The writer of today's QT calls the part where Jesus wept, the greatest miracle of all. Don't get me wrong, it is not that Jesus/God is incapable of shedding tears, in fact I believe He is shedding tears each and every moment for every Christian who sins and for every non-believer yet unsaved. Cynics may call His tears redundant, but His tears proved to us that He is a God who grieves when we grieve. Many a time, God's faithfulness may not be what we expect. For example Lazarus' sisters expected Jesus to save their brother, but they never knew that Jesus meant for Lazarus to die so that He can perform a miracle through him. There will be many times when we fail to see God's faithfulness in our lives, especially when He does not give us what we want, but one thing is for sure, is the He is always by our side, sharing and joys and sorrows. That is His faithfulness and we ought to be satisfied just to have Him all the time and not treat Him like some Santa Claus.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Just wanted to share something I learnt doing Quiet Time yesterday... Our God is a God of love, thus His laws are meant to protect us. Being a Christian does not necessarily mean that your life would be smooth sailing, but obeying God will definitely reap eternal rewards!
Remember one of my posts which mentioned that God's rules were meant to give us freedom and not chain us up? Well the following is about the Ten Commandments.
Everyone knows the 10 commandments right? Taken out of Exodus 20/Deuteronomy 5 -
''God spoke all these words, saying: I am God your Lord, who brought you out of Egypt, from the place of slavery. Do not have any other gods before Me. Do not represent [such] gods by any carved statue or picture of anything in the heaven above, on the earth below, or in the water below the land. Do not bow down to [such gods] or worship them. I am God your Lord, a God who demands exclusive worship. Where My enemies are concerned, I keep in mind the sin of the fathers for [their] descendants, to the third and fourth [generation]. But for those who love Me and keep My commandments, I show love for thousands [of generations]. Do not take the name of God your Lord in vain. God will not allow the one who takes His name in vain to go unpunished. Remember the Sabbath to keep it holy. You can work during the six weekdays and do all your tasks. But the seventh day is a Sabbath to God your Lord. Do not do anything that constitutes work. [This includes] you, your son, your daughter, your slave, your maid, your animal, and the foreigner in your gates. It was during the six weekdays that God made the heaven, the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. God therefore blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy. Honor your father and mother. You will then live long on the land that God your Lord is giving you. Do not commit murder. Do not commit adultery. Do not steal. Do not testify as a false witness against your neighbor. Do not be envious of your neighbor's house. Do not be envious of your neighbor's wife, his slave, his maid, his ox, his donkey, or anything else that is your neighbor's."
Although the 10 commandments were written during the Old Testament, it applied during the New Testament and it still applies now. As Christians, we ought to emulate Christ and show our love for God by obeying His laws. Every rule that God gave us, reflect what it means to be like God in the sphere of our existence as well as guarantees our personal safety and prosperity. For example:
As promised, this is one of the songs that speak to me...****
My life I give to You, O Lord.Use me, I pray.May I glorify Your precious name, in all I do and say.Let me trust You in the valley darkAs well as in the light,Knowing You will always lead me;Your will is always right!*I know God makes no mistakes.He leads in ev’ry path I takeAlong the way that’s leading me to Home.Though at times my heart would break,There’s a purpose in ev’ry change He makes:That others would see my lifeAnd know that God makes no mistakes.*And when someday in Heav’n aboveI see His dear face,May I then be counted faithfulAs a runner in this race.But now I’m trusting in the SaviorTo show me the way.In His righteousness He guides me,As I seek to please Him day by day.*I know God makes no mistakes.He leads in ev’ry path I takeAlong the way that’s leading me to Home.Though at times my heart would break,There’s a purpose in ev’ry change He makes:That others would see my life and know that God...Our God makes no mistakes.
I know....***When I did not get into the medical faculty, I kept asking God why did He let me dream of becoming a doctor for 5 years only to have the dream snatched away before my very eyes? What happened left me groping in the dark for many months, trying to find direction in my life again. I was like an infant, learning how to walk, falling many times in the process. It was truly the lowest point of my life. However this song reminds me that even when my life seems to be crashing down on me, God does not make a mistake. It was not a mistake that I yearned to become a doctor. Neither was it a mistake that I did not make the cut even when everyone around me thought so. Why? That is because God is in control. Not me. And it is only in doing God's will that one can find true satisfaction, even if it was not what you originally wanted. I believe God meant for whatever to happen, to remind me that I am not in charge of my life, and that I need Him. For the past 19 years, I have been self sufficient. Although my dad has been constantly reminding me, that I can't but God can, God has always taken a backseat in my life. But what happened last year, made me realized that I am nothing without Him, and I would love for God to use me for His glory, that someday people will see me and know that He makes no mistakes.
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Today's message was 'Jesus, the Alpha & Omega'. Although the speaker was a little extreme in his views, which my dad did not agree with, there were some interesting points he made.
Firstly, Jesus is infinite, eternal and unchangeble. He is the great ' I am, the generator/terminator of physical life and the provider/depriver of spiritual life.
Ever wondered how the name 'Jehovah' came about? Well it means 'the One who is' which is actually the condensed form of ' I am that I am' (Exodus 3:14) in Hebrew. Now God is different from us humans, in the fact that He exists not just everywhere but also in every time. For us, yesterday it is "I was", today, "I am" and tomorrow, "I will be". But for God, yesterday it is " I am", today, "I am" and tomorrow, "I am". God is the same yesterday, today and forever whereas we are changing every single moment. The past make us who we are today and who we are today will determine who we become in the future.
I was discussing certain medical issues with Leslie and he told me some doctors promote euthanasia as they believe that everyone of us has the right to our own life. Now, doesn't that make committing suicide legal? But it isn't! In fact, committing suicide is the same as murder, as you have taken away a person's life, be it your own. The question is, do our lives belong to us? To those who say yes, let me ask whether you gave yourself life. Take an object for example, the only person allowed to destroy it is the same person who owns/created it. We did not give ourselves life, Christ did, and hence only He has the right to take it away. Believe it or not, the reason we exist is because Christ allowed it and should we die, it is because Christ decided on it. For all things are created by Christ, for Christ.
Christianity is about God's mercy and love but we must not forget that He is holy, just and capable of wrath. Our God is the same God who destroyed the whole earth because of its wickedness with a great flood except for Noah and his family. Matthew 10:28 - And fear not them(people) which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him (God)which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. However, many of us Christians, do not live in fear of God and only donate a fraction of our lives to him. Often He is only given what remains of our hectic life when He should have all of it. In every aspect of our life, we should always ask whether what we do pleases Him. Sounds extreme? Not when we and everything we have belong to Him. Unfortunately, it is very easy to get caught up in the ways of the world and put God in the sidelines. I myself have done that numerous times, thus I know that I need God's help to always put Him first.
P.S. We sang 3 songs during service today that struck a chord in my heart, echoing my reflections of the past year. They are 'God Makes No Mistakes', 'Not My Will' and 'Lord, I Need You'. Only managed to find the lyrics of the first song, so would really appreciate if anyone is able to help me find the lyrics for the other 2. Tomorrow, I will share with you my thoughts on the first song =)
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Was looking out for you amidst the throngs of people
So many unfamiliar faces and acquaintances
But I never got a glimpse of you
I went with the hope of seeing you once again
Only to be sorely disappointed
From the very first time I saw you
You caught my eye
However I have yet to know your name
Neither have I spoken to you
The number of times I have seen you
Can be counted using just one hand
Some may call this a senseless infatuation
I too have no idea why I am so attracted to you
Perhaps its because I have never fallen in love before
That I get caught up in all these silly antics
Am I being too picky?
I really don't think so
Since I never had a choice to make
When I see my friends breaking hearts or having their own broken
I wonder at the meaning of it all
Maybe its a bed of roses, and maybe it will hurt
But all I am asking for is one chance to know how it feels
Please, please do not ask me who the guy is. Its just a generic poem (if that is what you can call it) about my non-existent love life. Most of my friends are attached or have been attached at least once. Hearing them talk about it sometimes make me thank God I am not in a relationship, but at times I really feel like a loser, having never even gone on a date! Really embarrassing but I am saying this not because I am desperate. I just want to ask my dearest friends, that if they found that special person, to treasure him/her, as not everyone has the 福气 to find someone they are mutually attracted to. BUT! Someone once told me that all good things are worth waiting for. So I guess I have to learn to be patient (like how I am waiting for NCSS to let me know whether I am getting a scholarship or not). Meanwhile my new year resolution would be to exercise more! Haha, I can be a real couch potato if I am not careful. I am glad I started the new year with some exercise, even though I was panting and feeling dizzy at the end of it. However, I must and I will perservere to increase my fitness level. Val, you too k! Gambate~
Thanks to all the blogs i referred to (countless) for html code help :) (esp. cyn' and sixseven)
Adobe Photoshop Elements for supernatural abilities
