~May Your Light Shine :D~

Monday, December 26, 2005

There has been so much I wanted to blog lately but now I am not sure where to start...

Hmmm... lets start with the bad news...haha...

Well its not exactly bad, but its just something I got pretty upset over during Christmas eve.

You see, on that day, I had a last minute carolling session at Camden Medical Centre. It was at this really posh restaurant where a set meal costs $80! As it was the last time we were getting together as a group, Lian Sze (the person in charge of the carolling for my group) decided to bring us out for dinner (not at that place of course!) and asked us to each bring a gift. I bought mine the day before, but as I was in a hurry to leave the house to go to my aunt's house for my annual family christmas gathering, I left it at home. Its this nice notebook which says GRACE, let go and let God, that I really wanted to give to another person. But in the end Lian Sze gave me her extra present so I guess I will give her the notebook in return with a nice message inside.

Anyway, the place is some distance away from the mrt so when we finished I asked my dad to come fetch me. But my dad, being the country bumpkin he is, had no idea where in Orchard was Camden Medical Centre. And when I finally find the car in Traders Hotel, my dad and I were pretty pissed with each other. Can you imagine me carrying 2 bulky boxes, my bag and trying to figure out where my family is with my brother providing lousy directions over the phone? So you pretty much know the foul mood I was in. My dad was like asking how come the boxes were left with me. And I told him that it was because the rest were either taking the train/bus home or weren't even heading home. Since I had a ride home, why not I take the boxes? Would love to remind him, that if it weren't for his meddling and goading, I wouldn't have gotten involved in this carolling thing in the first place! But I was seething with anger, thus I couldn't trust myself to say too much.

Why was I so pissed? To be honest, on hindsight, I do not know why I was so affected that day. I pride myself on controlling my emotions, but at that time, I was close to tears. Perhaps I was PMSing or maybe it was all the pent-up frustrations. This whole carolling event, although definitely not the first time I am carolling, had many other 'first times'. Don't get me wrong, I am a pretty flexible person and I do love a challenge. However, it was probably the first time I was involved in something that went so un-smoothly (pardon my bad english). Since I was part of the organising committee, my disappointment both in myself and in the whole event was intensified. I have to admit that it was a poorly planned and executed event by my standards. Firstly, we fell terribly short of our target which was 1500 carollers. But thats ok, because I do not think we would have the resources for 1500 either. Then because of the rain, certain performances weren't as well received as expected.

Actually, before I joined YFC, I roughly had an idea things will turn out this way. However, although it doesn't run with the efficiency of an MNC and I doubt it ever will, I saw first hand how different it is working in a christian organisation and a secular one (well perhaps with the exception of City Harvest). Despite so many irregularities, the staff of YFC embraced everything with optimism and utmost faith in God. I believe that most of the personnel find the carolling as foreign to them as how organising the event was to me. It was indeed extremely encouraging to see them putting their best foot forward and simply trusting God. I certainly learnt a thing or two from them as many a time I tend to rely too much on myself rather than God. And I am just learning to lean on Him for every single aspect of my life. For a person who wants to be always in control, it is difficult to surrender my all but I am gonna try. Why? Because I realized that this whole year, God has been trying to teach me that He is the one in charge, not me. So if I do not wise up and let Him take charge, I am gonna have somemore hard knocks in my life and I think I had enough for the time being.

Alright, now as the year comes to an end, its time for some thanksgiving! I would like to thank God for all my friends who stood by me this whole year. Thank you for your encouragement and prayers. It is you all who gave me hope and light when all I saw was darkness. Thank you for believing and trusting me even when I lost all confidence in myself. Thank God for giving me opportunities to serve Him although I do not think I really did much. Thank God that my 2 non-christian cousins are coming to watch Chronicles of Narnia with my family tmr and pray that they will be open to the evangelistic message after the show. Thank God that I have gotten a notebook to bring to school next year and now I have a good problem of choosing what type of bag for it. Thank God that He has provided enough for my family to send me overseas to do the course I want even without a scholarship as well as 2 friends to accompany me. As I recall the stormy period during JC years, I am grateful that my relationship with my classmates have improved and I am going to KL with them this week! Pray that we will have a safe journey and have lots of fun shopping and catching up, and not forgetting to pray that I will be a good testimony for God during the time we are together. Thank God... well there is just too many to list out all =P but I have 1 christmas wish and that is for all my loved ones and friends would come to know my Saviour and Heavenly Father. If not for Him, I will not be here nor who I am today.

Lydea blogged at 3:01 PM

May your light shine...
in the darkness...