~May Your Light Shine :D~

As the deer pants for the water brooks, So pants my soul for You, O God.
Psalm 42:1 (NKJV)

Saturday, June 25, 2005

I have got to share this. Received this link in my email. It is a really cool flash, one song made out of 23 different songs, each keeping its tune and lyrics. Watch it! Although my friend says it is pretty sad that it goes to show how many songs share the same chord and sound alike, I think the song sounds pretty good!

http://flash2.1ting.com/znew2/200503/12/9.swf

I know I have not been blogging lately, too busy and my brothers have been hogging the computer. However, I just managed to squeeze some time to read a book and decided to blog about it. Its a pretty long one, but just be patient.

I do not know what quite came over me as I read the book but tears kept spilling out, even for chapters that were not that particularly moving. Perhaps some dust got into my eye and wouldn't come out, or I am having PMS or maybe God touched me. I really hope its the latter, as it was after reading this book that I confirmed my hypothesis.

The Applause of Heaven by Max Lucado is a book about the beatitudes from Matthews 5:1-10.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

In the book, he writes that joy is not determined by what happens to you but it comes from the inside. You can CHOOSE to be joyful, despite of the circumstances, and pure joy comes from God. In order to find this joy, first we have to recognize we are in need (poor in spirit) and repent of our self-sufficiency(mourn). Next, we quit calling the shots and surrender control to God(meek). Hence, we will yearn for more of him(hunger and thirst) and as we grow closer to him, we become more like him. We forgive others(merciful), change our outlook(pure in heart), love others(peacemakers) and endure injustice(persecuted).

I particularly like the way Max describes the dialogue between Jesus and this rich man: He's rich. Italian shoes. Tailored suit. His money is invested. His plastic is golden. He lives like he flies - first class.

"Teacher," he asks, "what good thing must I do to get eternal life? "The wording of his question betrays his misunderstanding. He thinks he can get eternal life as he gets everything else - by his own strength.

Jesus' answer is intended to make him wince. "If you want to enter life, obey the commandments." A man with half a conscience would have thrown up his hands at that point."Keep the commandments? Do you know how many there are? Have you read the Law lately? I've tried-honestly, I've tried- but I can't."

This is what the ruler should say, but confession is the farthest thing form his mind. Instead of asking for help, he grabs a pencil and paper and asks for the the list."Which ones?"

Jesus indulges him. "Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother, and love your neighbour as yourself."

"Murder? Of course not. Adultery? Well, nothing any red-blooded boy wouldn't do. Stealing? A little extortion, but all justifiable. False testimony? Hm...Let's move on. Honor your father and mother? Sure, I send them on holidays. Love your neighbour as yourself...?"

"Hey," he grins, "a piece of cake. I've done all of these. In fact, I've done them since I was a kid." He swaggers a bit and hooks a thumb in his belt."Got any other commandments you want to run past me?"

Jesus gets to the point. "If you want to be perfect, then go sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven."

The statement leaves the young man distraught and the disciples bewildered. Their question could be ours:"Who then can be saved?"

Jesus' answer shell-shocks the listeners,"With man this is impossible..."

Does that strike you as cold? All your life you've been rewarded according to your performance. You get grades according to your study. You get money in response to your work. That's why the rich man thought heaven was just a payment away. But Jesus' point is crystal clear. It is impossible for human beings to save themselves.

It wasn't the money that hindered the rich man, it was the self-sufficiency.

This last line, really struck a chord in me. All this while, I have been relying on my own strength. Deep down, I probably felt I got my grades based on my effort alone. Many of my friends once told me that I would make a good doctor and that I should not give up my dream. Perhaps I would really make a good doctor, but if God had let me had my way, I will probably be still thinking I do not need Him. However, if I am thrown into unfamiliar territory, I will have to call upon Him for strength. And it is only then, can God be in control of my life. My parents ask what is it that I really want for my future. I honestly do not know, but I know that God holds my future and in Him I trust.

Lydea blogged at 8:28 PM

May your light shine...
in the darkness...

Saturday, June 18, 2005

"We regret to inform you...."

Well, I do not need to complete the sentence, you should know what comes next.

So, it is final. I am not entering NUS, at least not this year.

My dad asks whether I am disillusioned. Maybe I am, but even so, I wouldn't know. Right now, I am just playing the waiting game and hopefully, Speech Therapy would be the step I take. But, if that dream disappears too, I guess I will have to take up the nursing scholarship. By that time, God would have been very clear what He wants me to do.

Sometimes it feels like God has already prepared me for this not too long ago, when I experienced double disappointment. But by His grace, I still did what I had to do with little bitterness. I know that whatever the road I take, I will do my very best and I leave it to God to choose the right road for me.

There are times when God wants you to do things you do not want to. However, no matter how you try to run, you will eventually still end up doing what God has in store for you. Look at Jonah, he had to be thrown out of the ship during a storm and eaten up by a big fish before he reached his destination and completed what God had asked him to do.

God is fair, contrary to popular belief. I know of people, who did not get the grades they want but got their choice of school and course. There are some who got the grades they wanted as well as the choice of school and course, but their having problems in their personal life. There are others too, who like me, got the grades they wanted but not their choice of school and/or course. People question the fairness of it all when innocent children die from cancer while serial murderers live to a ripe old age. Perhaps God wanted to save those children from the horrors of the world and let those murderers be tormented by their conscience and live in fear for as long as possible. Whatever the case, God is fair. We may not understand the logic behind it as our own view is tainted with sin, and will probably never know just like we cannot fathom how He holds the vast universe in the palm of His hand. I guess we just have to wait till we reach heaven to ask Him...

Lydea blogged at 3:01 PM

May your light shine...
in the darkness...

Monday, June 13, 2005

For the first time in my life, I truly have let myself down.

After all the practices, I still screwed up my exam. Sigh... Started with scales, my hands were a little unsure of themselves, made mistakes on every try. The examiner asked for contrary motion that I was told was not tested and left me a bit stunned.

Then came my choice pieces, not too sure how I did for the set piece. Cuz the examiner kept exclaiming that the moving of my left hand from the lower keyboard to the upper keyboard was a very advanced technique. I do not know whether it was because he was impressed or I did not perform it with enough finesse. By right, I had memorised my pieces like the back of my hand, but halfway thru the second song, I totally forgot how to play. It was as though my hands suddenly did not know what notes to press and I had to get my score from the examiner. He later commented I should add some swing to the second piece but praised my style for the last piece.

Was pretty pleased with my sight reading, no doubt imperfect, it was definitely better than my grade 3. Weird, back then I passed everything except sight reading with flying colours. Now, I am not too sure if I can even pass the whole exam...Guess it is all in God's hands now... Just felt that all the money and practice put into all these has been futile...

I watched Mr & Mrs Smith after that, waited for Xiuting, who was pretty late. However, thanks to the long commercial introduction, we still managed to catch our breath and the whole movie. A pretty funny movie, only problem is that they make light of murder, like it is just a job to be done.

Later, I strolled along Heeren and spotted the bag I wanted about a month ago. Not too sure it was the same bag, because I remembered it had brown stripes and this one has maroon ones, but the design and rest of the colours were still the same. I wasn't all too elated to see the bag though, guess the initial excitement just wore off. (Been thinking that I am probably one of those with short attention span, not able to hold my enthusiasm for anything for long). I took another round around the shops and after deciding there is nothing else on which I can spend my $20 voucher given to me on my birthday, I went ahead and bought the bag. Still do not feel that great about getting it, pretty numb, but I reasoned it would make a good bag for university, nice size and pattern - pretty and feminine. (Hey, even though Im not sure where I am heading, I most definitely am going to further my studies. So I will still need a bag right?)

Been in a mental daze recently. Like everything is stagnant and I really do not wish to think about anything serious or life changing but I know I have to. I feel like I am suspended in a mid-air dilemma. I have learnt quite a lot about myself, lots of flaws really - like I am not a know-it-all, even though I often act that part. I am a really selfish and shallow person and I guess my want to work in a so-called noble job is so that I can hide that part of me, at the same time, 'show-off' to others how noble I am. (Bet you did not know that, I must be a really good actress) Meanwhile, I have also noticed the strengths of others, such that people are willing to help me out in my time of need or encourage me by telling me not to give up hope. I do not know if I would do the same if I were them.However, I am grateful that this experience has let me feel the love and care others have for me, an indication that God is up there looking out for me. Now I know that I would do the same for another person in my shoes because I know it would really give that person the kind of support he or she needs.

Lydea blogged at 10:23 PM

May your light shine...
in the darkness...

Sunday, June 12, 2005

I attended Ms Oon's wedding yesterday. Although it seems like the wedding season, this is the one and only wedding I will be attending so far.

My friend, Nadia, sat next to me during the wedding and commented that church weddings are really nice and meaningful. It goes beyond the act of just joining two people as husband and wife, but a solemn vow before God, to love and to hold, till death do they part. I remember my mum telling me that for a marriage to succeed, both husband and wife have to love God more than they love themselves or even each other.

The wedding started with some praise and worship and the sermon was about the verse written on the wedding invitation - We love because God first loved us. (1 John 4:19). During praise and worship, we sang this song, Above All, which struck a chord in me. Surprisingly, I sang this song again today during Sunday Service.

Above all powers, above all kings
Above all nature and all created things
Above all wisdom and all the ways of man
You were here before the world began

Above all kingdoms, above all thrones
Above all wonders the world has ever known
Above all wealth and treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure what you're worth

Crucified, laid behind a stone
You lived to die, rejected and alone
Like a rose, trampled on the ground
You took the fall, and thought of me, above all...

How nice to know that someone out there thinks of you above everything, that he is willing to forsake his kingdom to lay his life for you. Imagine being ridiculed and tortured for people who do not know you or love you, the whole world's sin upon your shoulders. Can't imagine? Well, neither can I. But I know God knows how that feels because Jesus went thru it. In light of that, whatever suffering or pain I am going thru now, seems so insignificant when compared to what my Saviour has done for me. As Christians, we may sometimes be so caught up in the act of serving the Lord, we forget the fundamentals of our faith and the driving force behind why we should serve Him without complain. It is simply because we have been bought with His blood and as servants, we have no right to ask God, our master, for anything. If He chooses to bless us, it is not due to our own merit, but it is by His grace.

Lydea blogged at 1:49 PM

May your light shine...
in the darkness...

Thursday, June 09, 2005

I just had a long day at work and my mind is still reeling from the screams of children. I never knew those tiny lungs could produce multi-decibels, glass-breaking and ear-splitting shrieks. But it is better than if they are all quiet, not able to answer you or hear a melodious sound their whole entire life.

Finally received a postcard from my alma mater, requesting me to collect my A level cert. Got it yesterday and guess what, I have to collect it by today. How ridiculous can it get? As I have to work the whole day, I asked my parents to do the honours. They were there real early, but some clerk claimed the certs were there yet. They then took a walk round my school until some HOD saw quite a number of parents and told the same clerk to get out the certs. This just shows the ineffectiveness of some school systems which unfortunately plagued me since I started school. Anyway, my parents saw some students who came in their school uniforms to collect their certs. Hello? You have already graduated? Do you miss wearing the uniform so much or you do not have any other clothes? Sigh...

Anyway, my colleagues were discussing this math trivia today. See if you can solve it!

There were 3 people who shared a hotel room which cost $30 a night. Each paid $10. But the manager decided to give a discount of $5 and handed the $5 to a bellboy to pass to the 3 people. The bellboy did not know how to split the money so kept $2 and split the remaining $3 equally among the 3 people. Each received $1, which means each only paid $9. However, $9 X 3 = $27 + $2(with the bell boy) = $29. Where did the last $1 go?

Lydea blogged at 8:28 PM

May your light shine...
in the darkness...

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Haven't blogged in a while as I have been busy over my university admissions. Just went for an education fair and applied to an australian university. The representative told me I would get a reply in 2 weeks and I was wondering how come my admission to med school in NUS took 2 months to reply.

Had a good talk with Wei Qin yesterday about speech therapy and was in pretty good spirits for the first time in days. Not sure if it is because the idea of going overseas with a friend is so thrilling or because it could be what the Lord had in mind for me. I prayed after that, should God want me to become a speech pathologist and work with autistic children, then He will open the door for me to get a scholarship and gain admission into the course.

Later on, I read in this book, twentysomething, that God is not interested in the path that we take, but rather the person that we become. It suddenly struck me that all these"life-changing" decisions are just ripples in the sea of God's plan for me. Despite all my hard work, I still did not enter medicine. Not because I did not make the cut, but simply because it was not God's will. My dad often reminded me when I was young that "Lydea can't but God can!" As a very independent person, I often relied on myself and not on God. But thru all these, I finally realized that God is the potter and I am only the clay.

Lydea blogged at 1:58 PM

May your light shine...
in the darkness...

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Just appealed for medicine in NUS. Did you know the reason for appeal is limited to only 300 characters, inclusive of punctuations and spaces? So I kept it short and sweet : With self awareness and the willingness to change for the better, I strongly feel that I can become a competent doctor with a servant's heart if given the chance.

During this period of self reflection, I realized that my greatest fault lies in my pride. You see in the middle of pride is I. I am ashamed to admit that I am a proud, conceited and self centred person. My pride led me to think that I was better than others and that if I could not enter Medicine, no one else could. My pride made me afraid to take up nursing as I saw it as a lowering of my standards and those who take the nursing diploma are not as smart and capable as I am.

Then, during yesterday's quiet time, I read
Romans 12: 3 - Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you
Romans 12:16 - Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

I saw what a rotten, shallow person I am. When Jesus came down from heaven, He should have been disgusted by our sinfulness because of His holiness. But that did not stop Him from fellowshiping with His disciples and dining with sinners. Jesus even washed the feet of His disciples, a job fit for a servant. If Jesus, who has a throne in heaven could humble Himself, who am I to look down on others?

Lydea blogged at 12:38 AM

May your light shine...
in the darkness...