A tiny step

Just because...

2009-09-03T01:28:00.002+09:30

Its 130 am and Im still quite alert. I should really be sleeping as early as I can since it seems that my recent string of late nights have resulted in an outbreak on my face (horrors!). Just when I had saw the last of such things since my trip to the doc... sigh...whats yours will be yours... no running away.

Anyways, not sure if its the very filling Vietnamese dinner I had thats yet to be digested or because I was just reminded that people do still update their blogs and yes, there are people who read them. Ok, maybe not mine. But this post is just because...

Its been over a month since I have returned to Adelaide. Although physically nothing much has changed, there has been quite a tsunami of change in other areas. Lots of fresh faces in OCF that have somewhat filled the vaccum that the oldies have left behind. People have announced they are together in a relationship, getting married or having a baby. I hereby declare that there is an epidemic of the virus - "The Good News Bug", well at least in my life.

So to pass on the virus, let me count my blessings... Thank you God for:

A cosy and well located house, that doesn't cost a bomb and is the envy of those who have visited.
Awesome housemates - its like having sisters! Especially for Eva whom I have only known for 2 months, its like we've been living together forever! Your discipline to spend time with God first thing in the morning has been really encouraging!
A very smooth moving-in -- all in one day! (Thank you Andrew and Woei Shyang for making that possible and allowing us to be connected to the internet!)
Being able to walk to church like I did in Singapore, although its a bit like walking through the valley of shadow of death (i.e. Hindley st), I know He is with me, His rod and His staff protects me!
Cool weather, sometimes chilly... but I know I'd be dreaming of this weather come summer.
Fresh food because the market is now within walking distance.
Friends in the city that help ease the longing for the ones stuck on a hill in the suburbs.
Friendships (both here and back home) that have not been affected by time and distance but have actually grown stronger.
Friends that trust me enough to share their most personal thoughts and feelings.
Friends that let me know how much they want to spend time with me. Its very humbling to know that my company is desired.
Good interest rate from the bank to help pay some of the bills - I now have the joy of budgeting bills like electricity, gas and internet, on top of the usual groceries.
JESUS (nuff said)
My housemate (Eva) who was quite sick yesterday and had to go to ER but although the doc said she will probably feel sick for a few days, felt well enough for school today!
NPMM booklet which have tripled...quadrupled... multiplied my phone call to God. I now have more things to ask for and actually feel good about asking.
My supervisor who is free on Friday to meet me so that I don't have to make multiple trips down to Flinders.
Parents who have been a role model to me and allowing me to do what God prompts me to do as I know that they are always praying for me.
Supervisors who have spent time in meetings with me and answering my endless emails patiently.
The strength and determination to listen to my data samples again.
Tickets that I won to watch an opera tomorrow evening. Not sure what it is really about, but its free!
Tickets my housemate won for the Royal Adelaide show - yay, finally I can go without forking a cent to enter, so I can actually buy showbags! (actually i still don't think i will, those are rip-offs, but maybe i'll find something nice)
Using me to be your mouthpiece even when I have been such a disappointment to you.

And many more....

In case, you missed it... this post is just because... my God is good =D

Friends or merely acquaintances?

2009-08-05T16:12:00.002+09:30

Ecclesiastes 4: 10

If one falls down. his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up.

Do you have many friends? Or are they mostly acquaintances?

Who do you count as friends? The people who have you as a friend on facebook?

Recently, Our Daily Bread had a passage about friends and it wrote, FRIENDS...

...listen to our heartaches without blaming us for having problems.

...defend us when we're under attack.

...are happy when we succeed and sad when we fail.

...give us wise counsel to keep us from making foolish choices.

...even risk making us angry for the sake of making us right.

Who does these for you? They are the ones who are your true friends. Perhaps you may not have many. But that is ok, for 1 real friend is worth more than a 100 acquaintances. But if you realize that no one helps you up when you fall down, perhaps its time to re-think how you yourself have been a friend to others, as how you treat others is the same way people treat you.

Me and You

2009-08-05T00:20:00.002+09:30

Just because you don't think highly of me
Doesn't mean that I'll think less of you
I'm really ok if you say you dislike me
For I live to please God and not you
I know I can never make everyone like me
But neither is there anyone just like you
I have to be who God wants me to be
Constantly changing by mercies anew
But should you ever be upset with me
To let me know is up yo you
My prayer is that we may spur each other to be more like Christ
To clothe one another with love and not lies
May we both be praised for being good and faithful
For that's what it means to live life and live it in full

Wanting the cake and eating it

2009-07-16T14:48:00.002+09:30

I knew that one cannot have the cake and eat it
But I truly thought that we could beat it
I stood by you when your world rearranged
But overlooked how you too have changed
I believed that we could weather things together
And treasured your friendship more than you discovered
I miss the days when I had your unconditional support
Especially because now we hardly ever talk
Life often ends up being complicated
With simple things becoming convoluted
My concern was seen as an annoyance to you
When all I wanted was your honest view
I thought you knew you could trust me
To share your thoughts over tea or coffee
My naive mind assumed it was the geographical distance
And never would have thought that you’d become reticent
Until I realized I could lie to myself no more
And admit that you’ve walked out of my life’s door
I hope that you may soon chance upon this
And tell me that I have gone amiss
That all I have an overactive imagination
And our bond will last till the next generation
I never liked cold wars and never will
My prayer is that we can get together for a meal
Regardless of whatever misunderstandings
And let Christ’s love rule our beings

The chapter on love

2009-07-14T15:34:00.005+09:30

1 Corinthians 13 – The famous chapter about love. It is often used at weddings, even when neither bride nor groom can truly be considered Christians. This chapter also contains the verses used by a certain denomination to support their view that tongues no longer exist, hence churches or people who speak in tongues are wrong.

To me those verses have been used out of context and the view that tongues no longer exist is a stand that obviously overlooks the following chapter. However, in my conviction to correct wrong thinking, I myself have lost focus of what is truly important. The self-righteousness in me wanted to believe that correction was out of love. But I think a little soul searching would reveal that my real motivation was pride.

I have admitted before and will admit again that I struggle with pride. All these years, I have struggled with kicking “I” out of first place and putting God there. It is truly His grace that He has humbled me on many occasions, bringing me back to Him. But I am far from having a heart of humility and the process of reaching there will be a long and painful one that only ends when I meet Him.

The last few years I have debated whether or not I will stay in my present church. I thought that by giving myself 6months to serve and get connected will help me make the decision more easily. I have reconnected with old friends and made new ones. I have seen areas where I can serve. But the reasons why I considered leaving and still do, remain or have become even larger. It is now almost time for me to return the Adelaide, and things are not any clearer. However, I pray that at the end of the day, when I do finally make the decision to stay or leave, my real motivation would be out of love, not pride or comfort. A love for God that is displayed through a love for others.

Spiritual gifts

2009-06-07T19:52:00.004+09:30

enough frivolities and back to the serious stuff, and if your wondering if this is gonna be another long one... well, i think it might be...haha

My OCF has been sending out a number of emails trying to get its members to fill up a spiritual gifts test and then submit their scores. Not quite sure what they plan to do with that data but I decided to finally give it a go when they gave the online link that allowed you to do the test online and have it analysed automatically instead of counting manually. If any of you are interested this - http://www.kodachrome.org/spiritgift/ (warning: it has a total of 140 questions so allow yourself sufficient time)

Im just gonna share my results with everyone so your can either or disagree with my self evaluation. I've grouped the gifts with the same score. There are a total of 28 different gifts according to them (in descending order):

1. Faith, Encouragement, Exhortation
2. Hospitality, Music, Mercy
3. Missionary, Giving
4. Leadership, Pastoring, Writing, Poverty, Helps
5. Administration
6. Wisdom, Knowledge
7. Teaching, Discernment
8. Apostle, Prophecy
9. Craftsmanship, Celibacy
10. Miracles, Evangelism, Healing
11. Intercession
12. Tongues speaking, interpreting (score of 0)

Im not gonna go in depth today as to what they actually are about. Will prob do another series where I copy and paste the definition given by the website and discuss their significance in my life. However, one thing I must mention about the last 2 gifts is that I believe they still exist (contrary to some belief) but I think 10 years in a BP church have quelled whatever latent gift I might have had for these 2. I remember my parents praying for me to receive the gift years ago, but like the talents that were buried, gifts that are not used eventually will be taken away...

BGT is finally over...

2009-05-31T23:51:00.002+09:30

And one my faves won! I think they totally deserved it. Whilst many other acts simply went with their audition piece, Im glad they managed to be so creative and flawless despite the time constraint.

This is the last semis.. and it was better than the finals. Well... he had less than 24hours to recover and prepare so its kind of unfair.

Now... time for me to find another time waster.... hahaha....

A call to witness

2009-05-31T00:17:00.001+09:30

Lord I'm sorry for the things I did not say
Or the actions that remain undone today
My life ought to lead others to You
But those around me never knew
This is not about whether I have a gift
Or a burden in which I have to lift
Its about the commandment you gave us all
To go to the nations, schools and shopping malls
And help others be more like you
Just like Peter, James, John and Matthew
So Lord help me never to forget
That this is my mission not my debt
Without you it is doomed to fail
But thank God for the cross and the nail

hello again BGT

2009-05-29T15:32:00.002+09:30

actually i took a break cuz BGT didn't show on wednesday due to the champions league... haha... ok, back to BGT semi finals no. 4.

this little boy was cute but he wasn't one of my faves in the auditions. however, i found him really lovable here. i have one question: how much did he spend getting the costumes and props? and does he cover the cost or the show does?

now here is a great example of what 'young at heart' means. check out this 73 year old man who clubs 7 days a week! i think his backup dancers were all the friends he made there...

Home is where someone is thinking of u

2009-05-28T01:08:00.005+09:30

just a break from BGT fever - actually its because I find the semis overall quite disappointing, while I still hold on to my faves, I think that the auditions were better for all of them, except for Diversity.

The title popped into my head as I was reading Job today (I'm at the part where he is upset with God and his friends who insist that he had somehow deserved the catastrophe that just fallen upon him).

This phrase is actually a line that has been used pretty often in the last few episodes of Naruto.

I think I can hear some of your mental thoughts screaming: "WHAT?!"

I know its pretty far out... a line from Naruto popping out when your reading the Bible. Tsktsk...how un-spiritual (or childish) can you get?

Try putting aside any Job's friends-like remarks and just look at the phrase on its on. Now it comes about when this boy of unknown origins (who later is revealed to be an orphan) comes across Naruto and asks him where home is and Naruto gave this answer. At the same time, Naruto firmly believes that Sasuke, his friend who has left him, will one day return as long as he (naruto) doesn't stop thinking about him(sasuke) .

As Job faces depression (well who wouldn't if you lost all your children, wealth and health?), he doesn't blame God for not thinking of him. Quite the opposite, he mulls over why God, being so great and almighty, chose to focus so much on him. He very much rather be left alone.

He was right that God focused on him, but not for the reasons he thought. And just as God focused on Job, He focuses on each and everyone of us. Portrayed as a father of a prodigal son, God longs for and thinks constantly of us, even those who deny His existence and live their lives without Him in mind. But just as the phrase says, home is really where there is someone thinking of you and no one thinks of us more than our Heavenly Father.

Psalm 139:17-18

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!

On a side note that is of a completely different tangent, check out this vid and have a good laugh. I don't care what people say, but Im proud to call Singapore my home for reasons like this! You'll sure never hear that song the same way again~

tribute to BGT pt 2

2009-05-26T18:02:00.002+09:30

The semis are here! And Im glad my faves have gotten thru.

Diversity was great. And Flawless appeared to be abit of a copycat simply because they were in the second semis. They are both great but I feel Flawless is just too flawless, ie professional. I love the how fun and fresh Diversity is.

Im really sad Gareth didn't get in, although it was because Shaun got thru that he didn't manage to. I actually much preferred Shaun's performance in his audition then in the semis, but hope he does better for the finals!

Anyway here are Gareth's clips so your can see how cute (don't you find his accent adorable?) and talented he is - Simon was really being an a**

my tribute to BGT thus far

2009-05-24T00:21:00.007+09:30

It all started with Susan Boyle becoming an international sensation and then I found Britain's Got Talent - heaps of it. Here are just my faves so far:

Fave child singer - i think he handled the change really well, most ppl would have been quite shaken

Fave voice - i think this is even better than AI's Kris' version:

Fave dancer - He's even better than George Sampson!:

Fave dance group:

Most unbelievable:

Most oddly entertaining aka best father-son relationship:

And last but not least - the cutest:

Couldn't find a vid that allowed me to embed so herez the url - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSCQx3cNulQ

afterthoughts...

2009-05-05T00:35:00.002+09:30

I just finished watching They Kissed Again (ISWAK 2). Before you start mentally linking me to one of the S-Factor girls or chiding my silly indulgence, just read this (or don't).

As a sequel, and we all know how sequels are like, I wasn't all that excited about watching it. Especially since the hype was all over a year ago and my friend who lent me the DVD, practically gave it to me without watching it because she couldn't be bothered to watch it. However, while it possibly can be labeled as typical idol drama fare, watching it made me a happy girl.

I admit, Im a sucker for happy endings and romance, and this show was basically that. To make things interesting, they obviously had to insert some storms into their marriage (they got married at the end of the first show, before they started university). However, unlike the storms in most adult marriages as depicted in the media, the focus was on how 2 very different people learnt to love one another in a manner the other could understand and to understand the other person's way of loving him/her. Misunderstandings arose due to insecurities when the girl failed to see how much her husband loved her, thinking that she loved him way more than he loved her. I believe many people who have been in a relationship can testify how often that happens.

The book "The 5 love languages" is widely read and I believe if the characters read this book, it would have saved them from learning it the hard way (but it made for good tv). An acquaintance of mine who read the book, asked what happens if she and her parents have different love languages. After talking with her for a while, it seemed as though she wanted her parents to show her love in her love language. Whilst I only know the gist and have not actually read the book, I do not think that that is how the knowledge should be applied.

If your way of showing love differs from how the other person feels loved, then you ought to try changing your way of showing love to suit the other person. Also, if the way you feel loved is different from how the other person demonstrates love, learn to look out for and appreciate the other person's way of loving you.

What does it mean to love? To make oneself feel good or to make your loved one feel good? A love that centres on your own comfort and feelings is a selfish love (if we can still call it love). But a love that put the other's interests before one's own, is the love that God demonstrated when He gaves us His Son and is the love that we are called to emulate.

Anyways back to about the show, the picture painted is that of 2 very different, yet perfectly complemented persons. This kind of pairing is also seen in another of my favourite shows - Nodame Cantabile. However, regardless of the number of idol dramas I've watched, I am still down-to-earth enough to know that such situations are only seen in reel life. But is it really too much to look for someone who is perfect for me, just as I am perfect for him? Someone who needs me just as much as I need him? Someone who loves me just as much as I love him?

Perplexed to the point of frustration

2009-04-15T17:26:00.002+09:30

Another kindy said that all their parents said no. So far I have had almost 30 parents saying they do not want their child to take part in my research. Yet another blow to my surprisingly-full-of-obstacles research. I have not even mentioned the number of kindys I failed to convince to allow me to give out the consent forms. Sigh... as usual, I partake in blog-therapy to vent, so forgive yet another long post =P (I wrote this in to Today but not sure if they will print this)

When one sees the word “research”, the image that will appear in most people’s minds is that of individuals in bleach-white lab coats and test tubes, working tirelessly to perhaps find a cure for cancer. Whilst that may not be an inaccurate portrait, it certainly isn’t the full picture.

“Research” is defined as a diligent and systematic inquiry or investigation into a subject in order to discover or revise facts/theories. Besides sterile laboratories, research can also occur in everyday environments such as the home or school. It not only involves the microscopic view of bacteria and viruses, but can also be about perceptive views of human behaviour.

Governments all over the world pump billions of dollars into various research causes such as cloning and space travel. However, not all researches are equal and some researches are given more support than others. A lack of support does not always mean that that research has less value, but more so, it reflects a lack of understanding of its value.

I am a Singaporean studying overseas, who has chosen to come home to do her honors research project. I chose to do my research here in Singapore as I wanted to contribute to my home country’s current knowledge pool. I chose to do so despite knowing it meant a lot more work on my part and reduced support as my supervisors are overseas. However, nothing prepared me for the harsh realities I am currently facing – the lack of support from my own countrymen, the people whom I was hoping to help through this research.

As a student speech pathologist, my research sets out to examine what is the normal English pronunciation for typically developing children who are bilingual in English and Mandarin. Many parents are anxious over whether their child is developing normally and while motor milestones are well researched, the same cannot be said for language and speech development in Singapore’s context. The results of my research may not be particularly useful to typically developing children but I am hoping that it would help speech therapists in Singapore determine whether or not a child requires intervention. These results may also help alert teachers and parents as to whether a formal assessment of a child’s speech and language should be sought hence enabling children to be helped as early as possible.

I approached various kindergartens to look for my 4 year old research participants and received a variety of responses. A few principals were enthusiastic and helpful, some cautious (especially because I hail as an individual from a lesser known university) and others refused me outright. Amongst the latter group, most said no as they were busy with other research projects backed by the government, which they had no choice but to accept and one refused on the principle that they do not allow outsiders into their kindergarten. There were also some who were deterred at the amount of extra work (they had to help me select the children who fit the criteria for my research as I had no access to such information). Besides approval from the principals, I also needed to get parental consent. Unfortunately, I have had to strike off 2 kindergartens because none of the parents there were willing to allow their children to take part in my research.

At this point, it is not surprising if you were to think that my demands are probably unreasonable. But is it really too much of me ask a child to name 50 pictures, depicting common words like umbrella and monkey? I am perplexed to the point of frustration at why I am receiving such a poor response. What is the difference between the principals who thanked me for allowing them to help out in my research and those that simply refused to know more about my project? Why do some parents consent and some do not? Perhaps some took on a “what’s in it for me?” approach and decided that since neither their child nor they will benefit, there is no point in consenting. Considering the busyness of life, if something is not compulsory, one need not waste time and energy on it, especially since the children are already bombarded with a plethora of activities.

Things may be very different if I had some form of authority backing me and authenticating the value of my research. However, I do not believe the lack of such backing diminishes the necessity of my research in any way. I also believe that there are other projects researching on pertinent issues that seek to help Singaporeans in various aspects but whose progress have been impeded due to a lack of support. To these researchers, I would like to tell you that you are not alone and urge you to continue to strive for a cause you truly believe in. To the rest of the public, I implore you to give researchers like myself a chance to share our dreams with you and who knows, you may one day be a beneficiary of that dream come true.

fart exercise!

2009-04-04T04:48:00.002+10:30

pardon me but this never fails to cheer me up no matter how rough a day i had!

Breaking down the walls between local and international students

2009-03-25T19:59:00.001+10:30

this is a letter i wrote to Today, a newspaper publication in singapore. not sure if it will be published, but just wanted to share with you all...

As a Singaporean studying overseas, the challenges that international students here face, is an issue that is close to my heart as I am able to empathize with them. Going overseas to study, is not just a matter of geographical relocation, we also bid farewell to our family and friends.

Many international students suffer from homesickness, especially if our host country is vastly different from our home country. Just imagine being all alone, without a familiar face by your side, adjusting to the demands of a tertiary education. The price of your favourite local delights like Hainanese chicken rice is at least double or triple that in Singapore and you may have to travel 30-60 minutes to find a place that sells it, only to find it tastes nothing like what you have in Singapore. Regardless of how much you may like other types of food, going for months without the comfort of local food can be very depressing. The feeling of isolation is exacerbated if the locals do not speak a language you are fluent in.

Most students like me, learn for the first time how to look after ourselves when studying overseas. Independence is a double-edged sword that could mean being away from the watchful eyes of our parents as well as having to be responsible for day-to-day living, like cooking, ironing, grocery shopping and budgeting, things that we may never have to worry about if we stayed at home. The lack of parental supervision may sound like a dream to some. However it could also result in being exposed to harmful influences, with nobody to stop us going onto the wrong track.

It is with deep sadness that I read about how a parent worries for her child’s well-being in school and other negative feedback about how we Singaporeans treat international students. I do not wish to believe that this is the norm, but I feel that we, especially local students, can do more to ensure that our international students have fond memories of their studies here.

One of the greatest joys for me as an international student in Australia is not only being able to get to know Australians and their culture, but also the multitude of other nationalities that have congregated there, including Japanese, Zimbabwean and Pacific Islanders. It is truly an eye-opening experience but one does not have to study overseas to experience it. You can do so staying in Singapore by simply befriending an international student. Trust me, it will certainly be rewarding, at the very least, you would have gained a friend.

Having interacted with the locals in Australia, I can also understand their point of view. Some of them do not know how to approach us international students. A number have never travelled outside Australia and may be afraid of interacting with us lest they offend us. However, I have taken the initiative in getting to know them and have since forged many friendships.

Cliques occur everywhere and are definitely not limited to schools in Singapore. It is a natural human instinct to group with others who are similar to oneself, hence the proverb, “birds of a feather flock together”. It takes a considerable amount of effort to get to know and develop relationships with another from a different background to oneself. University life is hectic and fast paced, which makes it unsurprising that many, both Singaporeans and foreigners alike, would choose the easier path of hanging out with one’s own countrymen.

There is nothing essentially wrong with that as sometimes cultural preferences (for example, the pub culture in Australia is not my cup of tea as I am allergic to alcohol), makes it difficult for those of different backgrounds to develop close bonds. However, assimilation and integration is a two-way process. Both local and international students have to be willing to broaden their horizons and have the eagerness to learn and accept each other’s differences. Being culturally exclusive is similar to being a frog in a well that refuses to accept the existence of a world beyond the well.

misdirected love

2009-03-22T13:23:00.003+10:30

Yesterday, I finally managed to attend a service of Adam Road Presbytarian Church (ARPC). For those who don't know, or forgot, I made 2 failed attempts in previous years to visit this church to have a look and the fact that I went all the way to Adam Road/ Kuo Chuan Presbytarian only to see a closed door, was one of the deciding factors for me to stay in Moriah. Back then, I was still wondering should I stay in Moriah or not and was looking for a church that I might settle in instead. Now that I have decided to go to Moriah for these few months, I took up an opportunity to visit ARPC with a friend.

The service was quite conservative, but obviously not as conservative as Moriah (who can be?). Non-charismatic but we sang a few Hillsongs songs and modern hymns, very similar to my OCF in Adelaide. I was introduced to a few new songs by Keith and Kristyn Getty.

Speak, O Lord - jhael

There Is a Higher Throne - Getty, Keith & Kristyn

Ps Christopher Chua preached on Christ and culture, how in these last days, people will be lovers of self, money and pleasure but not of God (2 Timothy 3:1-5). In my only quiet time the last few days, I have been searching my own heart and judging my own behaviour. I have been waiting for the various kindergartens to get back to me so that I can start working with the children for my research project. However, in the past month or so, I have been calling up, mailing out letters and waiting. I tried researching more on my topic, but I have hit either dead ends or been reading what I have already read. I ended up watching a lot of shows to pass time. The amount of time I have wasted this way is truly obscene and I have begun to loathe my idle self. In the past week, I suffered from misdirected love, choosing to love myself and pleasure before God. And all I can say, I wasn't happy.

You may be working hard in school or at work and envy the holiday that I seem to be having, but I would give everything to be disciplined, motivated and hard at work. I do not think that I am a workaholic, I know how to relax and have fun - maybe not the same way some people do, but I definitely do not shun from the idea of chilling out, which happens to be the perpetual mode Im in these few weeks. Instead of helping out more at home or doing my best to meet up with friends (ok, maybe the lack of money is restricting my activities in this area), I spend almost all day in my room. To be honest, I am disgusted with myself.

Although I do not attend any fellowship at the moment, I attend bible classes weekly and serve in my church choir. However, just as Ps Christopher mentioned, a rise in spirituality/religiosity does not mean a rise in godliness. In fact, it may go in opposite directions and what I ought to be chasing is the latter.

I am sharing my heart here as by writing it down, I hope to be kept accountable. I do not know how many people are reading this blog, but by declaring my stand openly I pray that I will be able to get out of this rut I seem to be falling deeper in. It may well be a case of the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. However, I have learnt that even when I feed the flesh, I will never be able to experience true joy and fulfilment, for such things only come from obeying Christ, which I currently am not doing. Dear friends, please keep me in prayer, that I will be able to return to my first love.

similar beginnings but different endings

2009-03-17T01:28:00.002+10:30

I was browsing through some music videos and I came across 其实很爱你 by Angela Zhang, when I was hit by the first bar.

I was very sure I have heard it before and I began to think when/where have I heard so and on my first guess, I struck gold. The other song is 日不落 by Jolin Tsai.

However, despite their similar beginnings, both songs then move on to very different tangents. The first song has a melancholic feel whereas the second is a lot more upbeat. And according to a friend of mine, one has a great tune and the other is crap. I'll let you decide which is which.

Anyways, I was thinking how we can also be like that. 2 people can start of life very similarly, same parents, same upbringing, same schools or same friends. And then, somewhere down the road, they lead very different lives, and end up at very different places, so much so, it is hard to believe that they started of the same way. Do you have someone whom you used to be close to but is walking down a very different and dangerous road? Or is there someone whose success makes yours pale in comparison? What were the choices that you made that differentiated you? What can you do now to head in the right decision?

My life sentence (pt 3)

2009-03-06T01:24:00.002+10:30

What was Jesus' life sentence?

"For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give His life a ransom for many" (Mark 10:45).

By coming down as a servant king, Jesus led by example how we should live. Hence, our life sentence ought to model after His. Practically speaking, our life sentence ought to fulfill His commands:

The great commandments - Matthew 22:36-39

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'

The great commission - Matthew 28: 18-20

Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

In addition, we all have a unique SHAPE:

Spiritual gifts - is it teaching, evangelizing, hospitality, encouragement, etc?

Heart, passions - what do you love and what motivates you?

Abilities - what do you find yourself doing with ease?

Personality - introvert vs extrovert? serious vs carefree?

Experiences - we all know about the nurturing effects on a person and God uses our experiences to shape us into the person He wants to be. There is no wasted experience, nor an experience so evil that God could have no hand in it.

How does your SHAPE fit with what He has commanded?

My life sentence (pt 2)

2009-02-22T02:57:00.001+10:30

To know your life's purpose, you need to have self-awareness as well. Taking a leaf out of Jesus' book, one can see that He knew God was in control through
1) wickedness of man & Satan (Luke 4)
2) denials and betrayal (John 13)
3) suffering of pain and shame (Luke 23)

When we face any of these, do we instinctively trust that God is in control? Or do we begin to fret and worry excessively and try to control the situation ourselves? Or worse, do we blame God for it?

Jesus was also fully aware of He is - Son of God. Hence, he need not prove Himself nor did He have the fear of losing out (i.e. He was not kiasu/kiasi). He was able to take on the lowest of roles (washing another's feet) because of this.

If you are a born-again Christian, let me tell you who you are. You are
1) A child of God, co-heirs with Jesus Christ (Romans 8:17)
2) A New creation in Chrst Jesus, of infinite worth and deeply loved (2 Corinthians 5: 16-18) -hence you ought to have a sense of value and security
3) Completely forgiven, fully pleasing and totally accepted in Him - sense of satisfaction and stability
4) Absolutely complete in Him and one of a kind - sense of significance and sufficiency.

Do you know who you are or are you still finding your identity? If you truly know who you are, then you have nothing to prove, nothing to lose and nothing to hide. But if you don't, then you will live life as though everything can be taken away from you.

My life sentence (pt 1)

2009-02-19T01:33:00.003+10:30

Surprise! Im blogging again! and Im gonna do a series. Just wanna share what Dr Goh Seng Fong has blessed my church and I last sunday about our life sentence or purpose. He had a lot of points, so Im gonna share with everyone in small bits so its easier to digest!

Unconditional Love

For this section, I didn't quite fully grasp the link to the title. He spoke really fast so I must have missed something. However, I think he started with this to drive home the point that the purpose of our life starts with God and well God is love.

When we say that God is love, what do we really mean? You may hear of the term agape love to define God's love and it simply means unconditional love. This love goes far beyond our human understanding or capability - we are unable to fully comprehend its scope nor will we ever be able to give such a love to the same extent that God does. But lets try to explain it in simple terms:

It is ETERNAL and INFINITE. There is never a time that God does not love us, even before the world was created (John 17:23-24). Maybe someone will say to you that they will love you forever, but we are only mortal and our lifespan is limited. God on the other hand, has been around since the beginning of time and will continue to exist till the end of time and He loves us even before we knew Him.

It is more than a passion. It is His nature and character and it will not be changed, no matter what happens (1 John 4:19). It is not a feeling that can fade or is subjective to our behaviour.

It is with foresight (this love is definitely not blind!) He sees not only the present, but also the past and the future. Our strengths and flaws, our ups and downs. And He still loves us. (Song of Solomon 2:4). Will we still love a person if we knew how much heartache that person will bring to us? Will we still love the person the same if we knew all about their flaws?

I thank God NOTHING can separate us from His love (Romans 8:35f), not even when we ignore or deny His existence. Isn't it wonderful that the One who knows us best, also loves us the most?

just a prelude...

2009-02-17T20:58:00.003+10:30

Its been 3 months... gomen! Time flies when your (a) busy (b) holidaying (c) slacking (d) all of the above. Lets do a short recap of what has happened (or lack of) since the last time I blogged:

November - Exams - the last of them! Well, in my uni life that is... I won't miss them (i think) but i do prefer them to assignments

December - Convention + AGM + brother's convocation + family holiday in Melbourne/ Tasmania (for pictures, please see my facebook profile) Thank God for preserving my family throughout the trip and for the hospitality we received (special thanks to Melvin, Zee, Annette & family)

January - mid Feb - placement with Asian Women's Welfare Association (AWWA) TEACH ME services. TEACH ME = Therapy and Educational Assistance for CHildren in Mainstream Education.

I shan't bore everyone with the details, but all I can say is thank God for His faithfulness and patient guidance. I was struggling during placement and I must admit, that prior to this, my confidence was misplaced. After 2 smooth going placements, I thought too highly of myself. But thank God that He never lets me go and allow me to think that way for too long and I was brought back to earth with the placement that just passed. Although I am pretty sure that my coursemates had it much worse in terms of workload, I was having difficulty with the placement and through it, I saw my inadequacy. By God's grace, I managed to clear the placement, but I am also fully aware that I have lots to improve on, which I have the next few months to work on whilst doing my data collection.

Yes, I will be in Singapore for the next few months, most likely till July. So to everyone who is dying to meet up with me here, contact me! Haha... so thick skinned right =P Anyways, as the title says, this is just a prelude, so I shan't write an essay this time. But look out for the next post!

don't get comfortable

2008-11-07T01:46:00.003+10:30

its almost 2am here and i am blogging... something i haven't done in over a month. things been a lil crazy here - a big SORRY to everyone who has been on the receiving end of my short fuse due to my workload, but it really isn't an excuse.

as much as i would love to say i have finished my last assignment, i can't. its that awfulness of being stuck in something that seems to be going nowhere (current status: 40% done for 3 days and counting). it frustrates me, having a whole heap of resources in front of me, yet being totally clueless about how to write this essay. ever felt that way before? knowing that you have done everything you can to equip yourself but you still find yourself lost?

some people resign to fate, others look to the stars for answers. for me, once again, its a reminder that "Lydea can't, but God can." My dad actually sent me an email with that phrase a while ago, but I pushed it out of my mind cuz I was too busy to actually think about its significance. I get disappointed with myself time and time again whenever I actually stop to examine myself, because in the busyness of life, God is often left out. Maybe that is why I shy away from pausing and evaluating myself, because I know that I will be ashamed of myself and the way I have treated God. As I go further away from Him and life's pressures never ceasing, it is little wonder that I become disgruntled and short tempered, burnt out and weary.

I don't claim to be perfect nor is it ever my intention to glorify my shortcomings. As said before, this blog is meant to encourage anyone out there in their walk with God in an honest manner. I believe that every Christian experiences ups and downs and I believe that God works in us all the time.

I want to thank Danny and his housemates, Justin and Brian for the wonderful act of love they showed me (and I believe many others) today. Its that time of the year when everyone is busy with assignments and exam preparation. However these 3 men of God, made time to cook and pack dinner as well as home delivery (from the city to my place, which takes about 20-30mins by car). When people like me find it difficult to even find time to spend with friends, these guys went above and beyond. They may not think that they have done much, but they are shining examples of what it means to love like Jesus did and I am sure that God will use them mightily.

Just heard this song on the radio and looking closer at the lyrics, I realized that it echoed the 3 guys' actions tonight:

Dont Get Comfortable - Brandon Heath

Comfortable, don't get comfortable.

I am gonna' move this mountain then I'm gonna move you in.

Yesterday, this is not yesterday.

You were standing on my shoulders now; you're standing on the edge.

You've been looking for a sign all this time.

I am gonna show you what I mean

I am gonna love like you've never seen

You are gonna live like you used to dream

This is your new song

So afraid but you don't have to be afraid

Even if you make mistakes

You know that I'll remain

You've been looking for a sign all this time.

If you seek you'll find me every time.

So I am gonna show you what I mean

I am gonna' love like you've never seen

You are gonna live like you used to dream

This is your new song

Can you feel the call of love?

Is it moving you to be a child of God of love?

Is it reaching you?

It's everywhere the call of love.

I just want to show you what I mean

I just want to love like you've never seen

Do you want to live like you used to dream?

Then I've got a song for you

Cuz I am gonna show you what I mean

I am gonna' love like you've never seen

You are gonna live like you used to dream

This is your new song

You've got a new song

When life gets busy, I seek comfort -I eat dessert, watch tv, play games. While they may help me to relax and take my mind off the work that I need to do, I am only coping with life. But I wasn't made to be coper, I was born to be a conqueror when I accepted Christ as my Lord and Saviour. So I should stop trying to attain comfort and start going above and beyond, loving others like they've never seen and live the life I dream. Those 3 guys today proved that that is possible.

My final decision (I hope...)

2008-09-29T12:06:00.002+09:30

If you have been following this blog for a while now, you might be aware of my struggle about whether to stay in my current church in Singapore or find a new one. This has been tugging at my heart ever since I first came to Adelaide - so it has been almost 3 years.

Due to various circumstances, I find it hard to call the church I had been attending the past 6years or so, my home church. Don't get me wrong, the kids there are nice and the aunties and uncles there have been so supportive to my whole family. Unfortunately, I have not been able to make much of a connection there. And then I came here, and I found a church which is poles apart from the church back home. Although I have not really connected with the people there either, I feel like I am a part of the church simply because it holds dear the same values that I do. Perhaps you may think that I have just found a church that said what I liked to hear. And in some ways yes. Call me a weirdo if you want, but I love it that my pastors continually emphasize that it is about THE CHURCH and not edge church, aren't afraid to rebuke their members for being calculative, or to admit that there is trouble in their own personal lives or to challenge us to love people unconditionally, even those that society would much rather ignore like drug addicts. I love seeing lives in the community being changed and impacted by the church, because we weren't afraid to be there for them.

Ok, I digress. Back to my original point - the weekend that just passed has helped me make up my mind. After coming here, I wondered why God led my family to that church and why we stayed there for so long. Then I wondered why God brought me to a church that was so different here. At first I thought that God wanted me to bring back what I learnt here. Then I thought that I should come under the covering of the church and not bring my ministry there. In other words, I should go to a church where I agree with the church. But after Kairos and yesterday's sermon, I realized what I should do.

Christian leadership is God-focused, people -centered and is about change and transformation. Leadership isn't just for people who are in the pastoral team or in committees. All of us are leaders, called to lead people to Christ. I reconsidered why I wanted to go back to my church in Singapore. It wasn't because I wanted fame or glory. I am fully aware of the amount of opposition I will face. How seemingly impossible the task is. But because I know it is God's will that His people become one in Christ. I have also come to a realization that church shouldn't be just about fellowship, it should also be ownership and that I should not just choose the option that feels better. Ownership also means not just living in maintenance mode (i.e. status quo) but continuously moving forward; not isolating ourselves from the world but insulating ourselves with God's grace so that we can help people in need without stumbling ourselves. I saw that if I simply chose to move to a church that I was comfortable in, it would be a more selfish option and Im not sure how that will change anything back home. I am also convinced, that if that is God's will for me to have a role in His plan, then no matter how hard the circumstances may be, it will still happen. By the way, His plan will be carried out whether or not I live in obedience, but should I choose to disobey, Im gonna miss out, which I don't wish to.

a laugh from doing my lit review

2008-09-22T17:42:00.002+09:30

I am currently writing out my literature review for my honours project about English phonology in preschool Singapore-Chinese bilingual children and have been reading about Singapore English. It truly has been very enriching and entertaining to read about Singlish and the world's view on it. Here was something not very related to my topic, but hilarious nonetheless:

The 3 Little Pigs – Singapore version

Ones apron a time got tree little pig, call them Ah Beng, Ah Seng and Ah Tee. They think they big already and no wan to liv with mama, because liv with mama sometimes quite pek chek and also can become suaku! So they say goodbye to their mama and go out of house. Mama tell them to be careful of the big, bad woof, because you know, this big, bad sabo king want to eat them. They tell their mama, "we know lah, not scared one". We build house so woof cannot get us. If he try, he will be sorry.

The first pig, Ah Beng he think he very clever, he also cannot wait one, very kancheong type you know. So he build a house very quickly. Finish very fast- how? Aiyoh, he use straw lor, just tie and tie and tie together and then very quick okay already.

This woof very clever kay see, so he pretend and say nice things and ask Ah Beng to let him to inside house. Little Ah Beng also quite clever, he say, "No way man, I know you, don't bluff. Sorry you not welcome here".

The woof say "U no let me in mare? U dare mare? I blow your house down then you know". And he blow and blow and he poon and poon and he use all his inside strength and jia lat man, Ah Beng's house come down.

...

Moral of the story :->

Number 1 - do things slow, slow, must plan, think, plan, nowsdays they say strategic planning. No lush and lush and chin chai build. Chin chai do things ownself die - never think, how can use straw build house, how can house be strong, sure kanna one lah.

Number 2 - don't be so tum sim. Blow down one house, two house not enough want to blow until all tree. Given people some face, don't be too hao lian! In the end too tum sim also kanna - woof kanna heart attack.
Same lah we all also like that, enough is enough, some people pia until they mati.

Number 3 - those who got must kongsi with those who no got then the world sure better place. Remember : if you have and your neightbor no have, kongsi lah. And those who tumpang must know cannot tumpang too long, or else. But when kongsi right hand must not know what left hand give or else no use lah. This mean kongsi quietly, don't let whole world know you give okay. Very chim, right?

My apologies to all non-Singaporeans/Malaysians reading this, I'm afraid you probably have absolutely no idea what this story was all about. Perhaps you have come across one of my countrymen and have wondered what on earth we were saying - it sounds like English but then again, it doesn't. Welcome to the world of Singlish - a force that unites all Singaporeans (Gupta, 2001).

Becoming a Christian is a journey not a destination

2008-09-22T12:57:00.003+09:30

Just wanted to share some thoughts about the message that Ps Jonathan preached yesterday.

Being a Christian and living a life of freedom that we all were made for is a process that involves 4 steps:

1. Make a Decision to believe that Christ died for your sins and He is your Lord and Saviour.

2. Become a Disciple of Christ - doing what God says and abiding in His word

3. Then you will Discover the truth

4. Which will bring Deliverance - as the truth will set you free

God of this city

2008-09-03T11:33:00.001+09:30

A lot has happened in Adelaide recently… for a small city of approximately 1 million people.

News flash for those who are not here and for those who live here but have not bothered to be in touch with the outside world – my senior pastor’s son, Mike Gugliemucci, who until recently was a part of Planetshakers and Hillsongs church, had confessed to lying to the world about his illness. For the past 2 years, we all believed he had cancer, including those closest to him, his wife and parents. Our hearts wrenched whenever he led the song he wrote during his 'illness' – Healer. All over the globe, the song touched and inspired many. And now, we find that it was all based on a lie that was used to cover up an even bigger one – his addiction to adult pornography for the past 16 years.

Like a hurricane, this news had left many aghast, confused and angry. He was a highly respected youth leader here and I know many young people looked up to him. It will not be surprising to hear if people leave church because of this.

My church may not be as high profiled as those churches mentioned earlier, but I believe that we have had to deal with the bulk of this. A news program called Mike Adelaide’s biggest conman and for a city this size, news need not travel far. My senior pastor and the other church leaders, who have treated him like family as well, have had to cope with their own grief as well as any directed anger from the masses who would like to know how and why this has happened.

The Sunday after the news program was aired on national tv, I went to church expecting something different. Indeed it was, with one of the pastors reading a confession that Mike himself wrote as well as the church’s statement. And once again, I am not ashamed to say I love my church. There was no condemnation from the people - we do not condone what Mike has done, we will still extend grace and love to him. My church has been very involved in the community and our pastor shared that even those from the community have given them their support during this tumultuous period. A non-church going brother of one of our pastors even called to say, “Tell Mike we love him.”

When I first heard the news, I was surprised and skeptical – trying to see how he could have kept it from those so close to him. However, I was not angry at all when it was confirmed. Whilst speculations of why it happened and what led to it may be rife, like how being in a charismatic mega-church seems to breed celebrity status, does it really matter? My only concern was for the people who may be disillusioned by the whole thing and walk away from God and I committed to prayer, anyone and everyone who may be hurt from this incident.

As my pastor put it, we are not building the church, God is. Hence, even though it is sad that this has happened, the church will go on – our senior pastor will continue to be our senior pastor, our annual conference will still be held this month and the city branch will still move to Hindley St, the red light district of our city. I believe that God will use this to bring more people to Himself, as ludicrous as it sounds, for with God, nothing is impossible. In fact, the response we have gotten has only revealed that the people out there who need God and are hurting, can identify with Mike. If we as the church were to abandon him at this time when he needs us most, how can we reach the lost? Jesus said, “It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick; I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”(Mark 2:17). The church is really made up of people who acknowledge that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus (Romans 3:23-24). It does not matter who you are or what you have done, God loves you the same and His grace is extended to you – you just have to accept it.

Even if you have ignored my previous 199 posts, please don't ignore this

2008-08-18T12:46:00.002+09:30

I watched this a couple of weeks ago and it served as an excellent reminder for the reason I live.

A pen that is full of ink but refuses to work

2008-07-31T00:18:00.001+09:30

As I prepared to write in my diary today, I picked up a pen. I know that pen. It irks me just to think of it. Why? For some reason, despite it being almost brand new, with a whole tube of ink, it writes like crap. I can’t stand it that all the ink in the pen is going to waste simply because its tip isn’t working well.

And then God made me realized something through this. In each and every single one of us, is a body full of potential, gifts and talents that He has endowed upon us. How frustrating is it for Him to try and use us, only to find that we are refusing to let go and allow Him use those gifts stored within us.

We may think we are plain and ordinary. Not the eloquent speaker we see behind the pulpit. Nor the charismatic social butterfly that everyone loves and find impossible to hate. And most definitely not the smartest person on the planet. But I believe that God has given every single person gifts and talents that are unique to us just as we are uniquely different from the next person.

Whilst He is in control of our lives, we have the choice to allow Him to use us for His purposes. We may think we are not able enough to do something for Him or we could really be just stopping Him from working through us.

In today’s QT, Our Daily bread asks what our life will look like if it was all laid out in front of us. Will it be full of regrets, what ifs and could haves? Or will it be full of fulfillment, satisfaction and purpose? I remember watching an episode of the Oprah show and there was this lady who was interviewed and she wrote her own eulogy. Sounds morbid? Not really when you think about why she did it. She looks at her eulogy and works to live out a life that she wants to be remembered for when she passes away. What do you wish people will remember you for?

I think I owe everyone who has been praying for me an account of my trip to China. It has been a while since I returned and I have been pushing this off. The reason being I do not know what to say. But I think it is only right that I come clean.

Why did I decide to go in the first place? For a long time, I felt God calling me to do missions. Back in the days when my dream was to be a doctor, my goal was to join doctors without borders. I wanted to go to the poorest countries to help people who couldn’t afford my help. Even as a speechie-to-be, I still want to do that. However, my current career path has its limitations in the area of language barriers. My trip to Vietnam last year where I had the chance to visit an orphanage for children with disabilities was a reality check for me, where I questioned my ability to help people I could not communicate with. I always talked about missions but never went for a mission trip. Hence when I was offered the chance to go this time, I decided its time I did something about what I have been talking about. I have had enough with my own NATO (No Action Talk Only) behavior.

What was I expecting? Honestly, I don’t think I expected anything except answers. Answers as to whether missions were for me. Did I find those answers? Yes and no. I was able to handle with the various inconveniences – although I can’t help getting diarrhea due to the change in diet (read: high oil content). But then again, I stayed with a staff who rented a condominium so living conditions were good. I could speak Mandarin and I understood 90% of what was being said, unless it was in the local dialect or ancient poetry. In other words, I had a pretty easy time. Hardly any roughing out at all. Maybe God was showing me that asking me to do missions did not have to mean me having to give up all the comforts of home.

Just to set the record straight – I did not go to Sichuan. Although the plan was that I will be working with children from there, orphans from the quake who have been dispatched to Kunming. However, as we could not get permission in time, I ended up working with 2 batches of migrant kids – children whose parents have come from the villages to the city to work. Most of them were not from well to do families.

It was kind of a let down that I did not have the chance to work with the children from Sichuan but those kids I was with were not any less precious. We couldn’t openly share the gospel as there were locals helping out. However, as those who have encouraged me say, the love of God was still translated to those children. I truly believe that and not only from me, but from all the local volunteers and the team from Hawaii (whose average age was probably 70 and all barely spoke any Mandarin).

I may not feel like I have done much, but I really was very blessed by everyone I met on this trip. It was very encouraging to see believers obeying God in a place where they may be jailed for that and also believers coming from the other half of the world helping a people they can barely communicate with. And I want to be like them – to obey God regardless of circumstances.

So what do I want to be remembered for? A woman after God’s own heart – sensitive to His will and following Him without hesitation. I want to become a person who wholeheartedly allows God to use her with no reservations. I’m not there yet, but nothing is impossible with Him.

Step of faith

2008-06-29T16:21:00.002+09:30

It is 2 days before my last paper for the semester. Its been a pretty relaxed exam period if you compare it to the madness last year when I had twice the number of papers I have this time.

Its been a while since I last blog - though its just 3 papers, the amount of assignments and other stuff that had to be done during the period leading up to this was abit over the top. This will probably be the last time I blog before the holidays.

My July holidays have always been somewhat of an impromptu situation every time. The first year, I received news of my grandfather's death and had to squeeze onto the plane in time for the funeral. Last year, I booked tickets to Sydney just 2 days before I flew for the Hillsong conference, and as it turned out was one of the best spontaneous decisions I ever made (not that I make alot of these). This year proved no different.

From the beginning, July was a time of uncertainty. To go home, not to go home. At first it hinged on when my brother will be graduating - Dec this year or Feb next year. After forcing an answer from him, which led to undesirable consequences that I will not dwell upon, I decided to spend my holidays with him and his friends - snowboarding, hotsprings... An ideal winter holiday.

Alast! It was not meant to be when I found out I could not extend my air ticket which was due to expire end February next year. I have long decided to do my placement here in Australia and doing honours, meant this year's summer would be placement time and summer placement is from Jan-Feb. If my air ticket was for a few days later, there would be no problem. However, I did not want to risk rushing through placement just so I can leave by the stipulated date. But SQ refused to grant me an extension, saying that 1-year tickets cannot be extended. I didn't want to go home! SQ were increasing their ticket prices, almost double what I paid in the first year and I hoped not to have to spend money on flying if I could help it. But no choice...

The week before exams, I received a call - from Linda. This was the lady I met in Sydney last year that offered me an opportunity to do missions last December. However, as I wanted to spend time with family then, I could only go in Jan/Feb but we couldn't arrange for that. This time, she was in Adelaide to meet with some of my friends who are going to do missions this holidays and the Lord prompted her to call me. It was nothing short of a miracle she had her flight changed and found my number as she recently lost all her contacts. But she did and we met up.

As we were catching up, she shared with me about a summer camp for the orphans from the Sichuan earthquake and asked if I knew of anyone free during July-August and would like to help out. I responded immediately and said I was free. Since then, its been a mad rush to settle a number of things on top of studying for my papers. My return flight was booked on 6th july and I was waitlisted for earlier dates. However, I could only fly a few days after I arrive in Singapore and I needed to fly home as early as possible to be able to make it in time for the first summer camp which is on 7-18 July. Thanks to everyone who has been praying for me, this first hurdle has been cleared - I've got a seat on the 2nd of July! =) Now, its up to the visa application and air ticket.

It sounds a little bit rushed and crazy but one thing I know is that where He calls, I want to follow. I am tired of just talking about missions and not doing a thing about it. Now that I have an opportunity to go, I want to go for it. I do not know what lies in store for me but I hope this trip will allow me to see if I am right for it. Thank you for all your prayers and support and please continue to pray that God's will be done.

If your not Josh Groban - don't sing "You Raise Me Up"

2008-06-11T01:25:00.002+09:30

The song "You Raise Me Up" has been sung by many people - Secret Garden, Josh, Becky Taylor, Westlife... Now this guy who is a worship leader is releasing an album and one of the songs is this. Well not that he has a bad voice, but... he is not Josh! And seriously, after Josh, anyone who tries to sing this song, just seem to pale in comparison.

I realized that therein lies an important truth. When we try and copy another person's success, we will fail. Because we are not them. Every time we compare ourselves with others or wished we were someone else - we are doomed to fail. Simply because we will be wanting to be someone other than ourselves, someone whom we were not meant to be.

We are all uniquely made, specially crafted by our loving Father. We all have a purpose that no one, absolutely NO ONE can replace. We were made for different purposes and if we try be someone else, we not only lose the purpose we were made for, we are rejecting the One who created us as well. We are saying His plan for us is not good enough, we want another one.

True fulfilment comes from stepping into the purpose He set us for. Stop comparing. Just be who you were meant to be.

On a side note, watched Prince Caspian today. Absolutely loved it. And by that, I mean, both the movie and the guy =)

Releasing expectations

2008-06-08T21:21:00.002+09:30

I want to release my expectations.

Why?

Well, where there are expectations, there will also be disappointments. No expectations = no disappointments.

My God is a very practical God. You learn about something one day and the next day, He gives you a chance to practise it.

At OCF on friday, we learnt about bitterness. Candidates for bitterness are people with a victim attitude - claiming to be blameless and better than others, claiming to be betrayed. Exaggeration and comparison just adds oil to the fire.

Today, I found myself in exactly that position and I can't differentiate if I am more upset with the people that caused it or with myself for feeling that way. Either way, I don't like how I'm feeling right now.

The words of "Healer" constantly float through my head - "Jesus, you are my portion, you're more than enough for me". If these words rang true in my life, I wouldn't have felt that way regardless of what happens. My problem was that Jesus was not enough for me. I wanted more and because of that, I have been disappointed and hurt again and again.

Hebrews 12:15 says "See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many."

I have to nip this in the bud! But if I continue to wallow in that pathetic pit of self pity, then I will just be watering the seed of bitterness and letting it take root in my heart. So what should I do?

Friday's bible study taught that the prescription for bitterness is knowing our position in the kingdom of heaven. No matter what happens to me, I am still a child of God and that is all that matters.

I will have to release my disappointment and hurt to the Lord. Only then will I not harbor any ill feelings toward anyone and continue to love them from the bottom of my heart. But I still want to release my expectations on everyone (except God cuz He is the only one who never fails me). I want to love others and be a friend to them and not expect anything in return. This way I won't be getting disappointed or hurt again. And Jesus will be all I need.

I wish I had someone

2008-06-06T23:51:00.004+09:30

Today I bumped into a friend with her boyfriend. Got a surprise when I found out I did know the boyfriend (I had a hunch but wasn't sure) and was even more surprised that he is still studying in Melbourne Uni (as I remembered). Man... I wish I had someone who would do that for me... someone who would go through great lengths just to be with me. Then I realized... I do. And he sang this song to me:

I've heard it said that a man would climb a mountain

Just to be with the one he loves

How many times has he broken that promise

It has never been done.

I've never climbed the highest mountain

But I walked the hill of calvary

Just to be with you, I'd do anything

There's no price I would not pay

Just to be with you, I'd give anything

I would give my life away.

I've heard it said that a man would swim the ocean

Just to be with the one he loves

How may times has he broken that promise

It can never be done

I've never swam the deepest ocean

But I walked upon the raging sea

I know that you don't understand the fullness of My love

How I died upon the cross for your sins

And I know that you don't realize how much that I gave you

But I promise, I would do it all again.
Just to be with you, I've done everything

There's no price I did not pay

Just to be with you, I gave everything

Yes, I gave my life away.

Love song ~ Third Day

I might have posted this song before but I just love it so much. The first time I remember hearing it was at Convention 2006 and they played this song with a clip from Passion of Christ for communion. My tears just wouldn't stop flowing cuz it hit me so hard what Jesus did for me. I am not ashamed to say that there are times when I keep crying as I think about what He did on the cross. Its not new news but nothing can beat that. In fact, I am very afraid of the day when I think of it and not feel a thing. That to me, would be one of the worst thing I can do.

Knowing the will of God

2008-05-25T12:04:00.002+09:30

You know when God speaks to you, not once, not twice but 4-5 times in a short period of time, you know He means business.

Today, I wanted to go to the city church, been thinking of moving there due to various reasons - I know heaps more people, nice to actually go somewhere u have friends and I like the pastor there too. However, God had other plans. Last night I received a phone call asking if I could give up my space on the van that fetches ppl to church for another girl. So I agreed and called my dearest Edge south (my church) partner - Dennis, and arranged to meet him.

During worship, a sense of expectation and filling up came over me. I won't say I've been really drained spiritually but I am physically exhausted from my assignments. Little did I know what more laid in store for me.

From the moment I first stepped foot into Edge church, I was immediately enthralled by Pastor Danny's vision. In Singapore, I constantly see bickering and fighting between churches, not just between denominations but also within denominations. Criticisms, rumours and slanderings being thrown over the pulpit. And I am sick of it. Ps Danny on the other hand, actually praises pastors from other churches/denominations over the pulpit. He has also shared again and again his wish not to see the name of Edge church being known, but that of the Church, the body of Christ, being seen by the world as doing what Jesus has called us to do. Whatever decision he makes, he makes it not for Edge church alone, but the whole body of Christ. This included the choice to renovate a high school with barely anything in the church's bank account and this year, to renovate another church.

I know his words aren't just for show as he shares with the congregation how he comes about the decisions he made to fulfil his calling. Our church has recently set up another congregation in Bristol, UK and a few pastors had to leave Adelaide to plant the church there. As the congregation in Adelaide grows, the need for more pastors to look after the people here increases, making it all the more difficult to let go of people to plant churches elsewhere. Although it wasn't easy releasing those pastors, who have been such a big part of the church here, Ps Danny knew that serving the kingdom of God was more important than serving Edge church. Today he shared how another senior pastor will be leaving as God has called that pastor and his family to go back to their hometown and serve the church there.

It must be scary to have so many of your key pastoral staff leave in such a short time. It is also very sad to say goodbye to people whom you have such close bonds with. But Ps Danny said something that reflected his trust in God, he said, with God its always win-win. Just because he has released some ppl to do the work God has called them to do, doesn't mean that Edge church will suffer for it. We will not be lacking and in fact, the Lord has already begun to move the hearts of pastors from different churches. Pastors from other churches all over Australia has since offered their own pastors to Edge, pastors whose gifting matches the gap that has been left/will be left by the pastors from Edge who are called elsewhere. These pastors are saying we are giving you the best we have because we believe we should sow into Edge.

When I heard that, I just choked up in tears. I knew this is what I longed for, for the churches in Singapore and all over the world. Churches who are willing to give their best personnel to another church and trusting that God will provide for them. Ask any company and see if they are willing to give away their employee of the month or their top earner. Definitely not! But the churches here are willing to do so because they understand that other churches are not rivals, but we are all part of the same body of Christ. When a certain part of your body needs more nutrients, the body automatically redirects more nutrients to that part of the body. What good will it do to the body, if that part dies due to lack of nutrients?

In 1 Corinthians 3, we see how there were divisions in the early church, with some saying "I follow Paul and others", "I follow Apollos". The same is seen today in churches saying "I follow Martin Luther" (Lutherans) or "I follow John Wesley" (Methodists). But really, what after all is Apollos( or Martin Luther)? And what is Paul (John Wesley)? Only servants through whom you came to believe - as the Lord has assigned to each his task. We are all God's fellow workers.

When we pray the Lord's prayer (Matthew 6), we say 'our Father', 'give us', 'lead us' etc. For God's kingdom to come, it is not about 'me', but its about 'us'. When making decisions, we shouldn't be asking, what will become of 'me' but how will it impact the kingdom of God, even if it means that it might hurt or tire us.

I've been struggling with whether or not to find another church in Singapore ever since I came to Australia. Honestly, the relationship I have with my peers in my church back home is complicated. My family has been in this church for 8 years? Possibly more and whilst there was a time I could have gotten more involved in church, my family left the church. When we came back, it was hard or rather I couldn't be bothered to try and integrate myself again. Ever since, its been status quo - I know them, they know me, but not much bonds exist. Also, Edge church is a world of difference to my church back home. Edge is affiliated to Hillsong, has worship like a rock concert while my church in Singapore only have 1 acoustic guitar and sings only hymns. I've always gotten alot from the messages here while I seem to always have something to gripe about the messages back home. I sometimes joke about being afraid of developing a split personality. I've been visiting other churches and I really like this other church that is similar to Edge.

It will be easier I think for me to find a new church and plant myself there than to stay in my current church and try to rebuild the bonds that were once there. However, if I really want to make a statement of unity between churches, I don't think running to a church where I feel really comfortable is the way to do it. For some reason or another, I feel like I owe it to my church back home to bring back what the Lord has taught me here. Honestly, I don't think therez much good for me to go back. I fear that I won't get fed spiritually, I won't grow, I fear I don't know how to make an impact on the people... lots of fears really. But Ps Danny said that one of the ways you know the will of God is that there is an unsettling on the inside and it won't go away. It is also a burden that seems to have no advantage for you. It is not about personal success but of purpose outcome. I have been struggling with this for the past 2.5 yrs and I am pretty sure this wanting to stay in my current church doesn't come from me, cuz logic and feeling is pulling me in the other direction.

I dunno why but when I called Jean last night, we ended up talking about this issue and she said that there could be different seasons in your life. Seasons when you get fed and seasons when you feed others. Even if I don't get fed by the pastors in church, God will still feed me, so I need not worry. I guess I will make the decision to stay and get myself involved in church, but I will also continue to seek confirmation to make sure it really is the will of God. And if the answer is an affirmative yes, I pray I'll take that step of obedience and trust God.

I've gotta tell the world!

2008-05-18T21:24:00.004+09:30

I am so excited once again!!! Have I mentioned I love my church? Well, in fact I love the Church and that is why it is my dream to see the churches in the world unite as one for Jesus Christ.

The Lord has been speaking to me in many ways and its been centred on the same thing - Obedience. I know its a very simple message, but it is so hard to do it. The book I've been reading, yesterday's discipleship and today's message was all about obedience. I think God is speaking loud and clear.

At e-camp, someone spoke about our dreams, about how God puts them there for a reason. But the world somehow always tries to tear down our dreams - by telling us that we are too small, too insignificant, too un-gifted to accomplish those dreams. And before we know it, we grow up learning to believe that dreams do not come true.

You know what, the world is right. We are too small and too insignificant. But if our dreams came from God, then it is not by our own strength that we are going to accomplish those dreams but by God's . And God is not small, not insignificant or un-gifted. He is big, strong and mighty. There is nothing God cannot do.

The book im reading speaks of how great treasures in heaven await us for those who obey but for those who know the good they ought to do but don't, judgement awaits. You may say that I believe that Christ died for my sin so I won't go to hell, but if your life doesn't reflect that, your words mean nothing. Faith without deeds is dead (James 2:26b). Its scary to think how many people think they are saved simply by proclaiming they believe in Christ but still choosing to live life contrary to God's commands.

We all want to know what God's will is for us. But before we can find that out, we first have to align ourselves with His grand plan. The bible tells us of His providential will, things that will happen regardless of what we do. For example like how He sent Christ down to be the sacrifice for our sins and how Christ will return to judge us this second time round. Through this all, God uses ordinary people like you and me to fulfil it. We have to allow ourselves to be used for His purpose. We also have to be morally upright - His moral values for us are stated clearly in His word. By being familiar to His providential will and obeying His moral will, we will be able to find it easier to discern His personal will for us.

Today, Ps Jonathan asked, "How big is your world?" Sometimes the issue isn't so much about changing your circumstances but changing your perspectives. You see a need, a problem, but then you think you are not influential enough to change things. Well, if you walk daily in obedience of God, you will find yourself in a position of influence, you don't even need to plan it that way. Look at David - he went to the battle site to deliver bread and cheese to his brothers and ended up killing Goliath. He was just a boy then and there were many more seasoned fighters than him, but he was the one that killed the giant and he knew it was not by his strength's but God's.

Small world vs Big world
I go to church -----------------------I serve in God's kingdom
I'll do whatever I'm asked ---------- I'll do whatever it takes
Seek to be fed by God -------------- Seek to be led by God
My ministry, my position ---------- His mission, His positioning
My needs ---------------------------Needs of others
Build within myself ------------------Build beyond myself
See the cost -------------------------See the harvest
Pray for rest ------------------------Pray for strength
Carry my buden --------------------Carry His burden
Accept eternal life ------------------Lay down my life

So do you live in a small world or big world?

Rights

2008-05-11T15:48:00.000+09:30

I am currently reading a book called ‘Heaven is so real!’ that Mao has so kindly bought for my birthday. And I have been reminded once again to blog.

Whenever I blog, I write an essay, so you can just imagine how long it takes for me to jot down all my thoughts in a coherent manner, with the intention of letting others understand my own journey with God and hopefully know God as well.

As usual, I am really busy with school work. And while its tempting to whine about how terribly confusing my lecturer’s instructions are, I do remember that this blog has not been dedicated as an emotional outlet for me. I have my patient friends who never fail to lend me listening ears for that.

The point for this post was a follow up to the previous posts. It must have been plain to see that I wasn’t having the best time of my life then. Every time I go through a rough patch, I ask God, “What is it that You want to teach me?” This is especially when I seem to be going through the same thing again and again. Either I have not learnt my lesson or there are new lessons for me to learn.

Once again, the problem stemmed from me saying something that hurt another person. Before I knew what the problem was, I was very confused. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. It was hard to pretend I was normal when I obviously was troubled. Im not good at lying to others or myself. After finding out about the problem, another emotion arouse within me - one that I have not felt before. It was anger.

Whenever I find out I have hurt someone, I get very upset with myself for not handling other’s people feelings properly, for not being sensitive enough. I would get angry with myself. But this time, I got angry at being misunderstood. Yes, people have every right to be hurt if my words offended them. But do I have the right to be upset if people misconstrued my intentions? When my genuine concern gets taken as being judgmental. When friendly playfulness is seen as an insensitive remark. I am truly sick and tired of being misunderstood time and again.

So do I have a right to be angry? The conclusion I came to was that the point wasn’t whether I had that right, but whether I was willing to give up that right. It well may be that I have every right to be as upset as the other person. Despite knowing that we live in an unfair world, we all seem to strive for fairness. Somehow we all have an innate tendency to have an eye for an eye or a tooth for a tooth. However, this incident pointed me to the fact that our Saviour gave up many of His rights for us. He gave up His glorious place in Heaven to come down to Earth which He created. He gave up His position as the Son of God to be the humble servant who washed the feet of His disciples. He gave up His authority over life and death and died for our sins, that we may gain eternal life.

Despite how the people treated Him then and even knowing that 2000 years down the road, some people will still treat His name with contempt, He had and still has every right to wipe out the whole human race for we are His creation. But He gave up that right and bore our sins and shame, all because He loves us. So its not about having rights, its about giving our rights up for love. And we love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19).

Thank you

2008-05-04T13:53:00.000+09:30

Its been a while (as usual) since I blogged and I apologize for the depressing note that has clouded over this blog for far too long. Thank God the storm has passed and I have been encouraged by many. A few thanks are in order (albeit belated):

Thanks Hanee for being such a patient and understanding housemate. Din know you’d have gotten more than you asked for when you entered my room that day right? Didn’t mean to burden you so, but your listening ear meant a lot to me.

Thanks Mao for dragging me out for a run and with the help of the sun, brightened up my whole day. Really sorry we couldn’t run as much as you wanted due to my stitch (is this how you spell it?).

Thanks Arthur, despite being in another state and haven’t seen me for months, you responded to my sharing by praying over MSN, you have no idea how uplifting that was. Do know that any time you need prayer, I’ll be there to do the same for you.

Thanks Andrew for giving me the extra support during BS that Friday when I wasn’t sure I could hold it together. Knowing you were there to back me up, gave me the peace to do what I had to.

Thanks Vanessa for the hug that squeezed out any negative thought left in me.

Thanks Danielle for inviting me for the meal at your place, it helped me remember what it was like to appreciate the simple joys in life - chatting over a meal.

Thanks Jean for your concern and sorry for making you worried.

Thanks Val, Jez, Grace, Suria, Betty, Pik and HuiJuine for just being a friend when I needed 1.

Thanks Qin and Rach for caring enough and not leaving when the going got tough. Thanks for standing by me and helping me pick myself up. Its been 2 years since we first arrived and I thank God for allowing me to share this journey with both of you.

Thanks to God for bringing all these people and everyone else whom I may have left out, into my life. Thank God for the trials and the grace that accompanies, for I know and believe that all things happen for the good of those who love Him.

Porcelain Heart

2008-03-28T16:45:00.002+10:30

never before has there been a song like this that is exactly what i feel right now...

Porcelain Heart - Barlow Girls

Broken heart one more time

Pick yourself up, why even cry

Broken pieces in your hands

Wonder how you'll make it whole

You know, you pray

This can't be the way

You cry, you say

Something's gotta change

And mend this porcelain heart of mine

Someone said "A broken heart

Would sting at first then make you stronger"

You wonder why this pain remains

Were hearts made whole just to break

Creator only You take brokenness

And create it into beauty once again

tongue tied

2008-03-26T20:54:00.003+10:30

I like to watch shows
I like to read books
Because for those brief moments that I am
I can be somewhere where my problems don't exist
I can laugh
I can cry
And its ok, because they aren't for real
But when the ending credits roll
Or when I reach the last page
My life comes back to haunt me
No matter how hard I try
I can never shed a tear
Maybe I ran out of it years ago
'Cause the world is really round
And things do go in circles
There's no point running away
You just end up running straight back
And things may be worse than before
Time does not iron things out
But it lets you breathe
Yet breathing too can be hard sometimes
For every breath makes the heart a little heavier

Everyday is Good Friday

2008-03-21T13:35:00.000+10:30

I guess its about time I wrote something. I know, some people just want to hear from me to make sure I am fine even if I don’t really have much to share about. Its not that I don’t have anything to share but I apologize for not giving myself the time to muse about such things. I’ve been busy with goodness knows what and time has once again escaped from me.

Today marks the end of the 3rd week of school and amongst the chaos I call school, a couple of things that warrant my attention has cropped up as well. I know I once said that I aim to be very open through this blog but for discretion’s sake, there are some things that I will have to refrain from putting on the World Wide Web.

As you all know, Im not perfect and there are some issues that I constantly struggle with. Maybe its the ‘torn in the flesh’ for me in which God may never remove so that His strength can be revealed through my weakness. Today is Good Friday and the question that I am left with is, can I like Christ, give without expecting anything in return? Its hard for me to keep on giving without getting much in return, after a while, I decide that its not worth my while and I think of giving elsewhere. Perhaps its like a childish part of me saying, “Hmph, if you don’t wanna play with me, I’ll just find someone else to play with.”

While I ponder about what Christ has done for me, I wonder if my attitude is correct. You may say don’t feed pearls to the pigs because they will trample all over it (Matt 7:6) but could it be that I’m just too calculative? Christ died on the cross for all of us, despite knowing that millions will reject His gift of grace, ridicule the ludicrousness of an all-powerful God giving up His most prized possession for lowly beings like us. What hurt Him most was not the crucifixion but having the weight of the world’s sin bear upon Him and separating Him from the Father – something which He has never experienced before. The Father and Son are One and what happened on the cross was literally God tearing Himself away from His Son because holiness and sin cannot mix. Jesus who was free of sin, at the point of His death, was paying for the judgment of our sins.

Have you met someone who stinks of alcohol and dirt, possibly a homeless person? How many of you would even think of going near that person? Or have you encountered someone whose values disgust you, maybe cuz he or she hasn’t got any in the first place? Would you like to be associated with that person? If we as sinners ourselves (though we like to think we aren’t as bad as some other people we know), shun away from those physically unclean or immoral people, wouldn’t Jesus who is perfect, have an even stronger aversion? Instead, as we read the bible, we find Jesus going all out of the way (taking a boat across a lake) to heal a demon possessed (read: unsound, definitely filthy and possibly dangerous) man. Jesus dined and wined with tax collectors, people seen as traitors by the Jews who resisted the Roman rule. He even allowed a prostitute to kiss His feet and wipe them with her hair.

On the surface it may seem that He preferred to spend time with those who are more sinful than others, those who had ‘dirty’ jobs. He chose to minister to them more because they were aware of their sinfulness and their own need for God’s saving grace, as opposed to the self-righteous religious teachers of that day. Jesus saw their heart beyond their exterior and just like the lyrics of Hosanna by Hillsong, I really need to ask God to “open my eyes to the things unseen, show me how to love like You have loved me.”

I understand that I will not be the one who will sow the seed, tend to it so that it grows or harvest it in everyone around me. But I think what I need most now is the Lord’s direction to show me how to look beyond a person’s exterior and ministering to those whom God has prepared me for.

I did!

2008-02-23T03:22:00.003+10:30

Not plastic surgery (I'm too miserly for that) but this hols, I had gone to the doctor to fix my complexion. It probably did not cost as much as surgery, but the total still came up to a 4-figure sum. Bye-bye CNY hongbao and my pay for Jan, its as though I am always slaving for my face. It is truly painful to part with money like that, all for the sake of beauty.

Am I vain?

I think I am. I can make excuses like my relatives and friends have been advising me to do this (my aunt actually sponsored part of the treatment and was the one who recommended the doctor to me). However I know deep in my heart that if I did not want it for myself, no amount of peer pressure would make me do so - it wasn't just the financial side, the treatment was often a painful process, plus the clinic was all the way in Bukit Timah!

As a follow up to my previous post, I wanted to write how women who undergo plastic surgery probably suffer from insecurity. Having said that, am I like them? Aren't I also trying to improve my looks? Maybe its not as drastic as cutting through skin and bone, but isn't the underlying reason the same?

Did she or didn't she?

2008-02-20T00:30:00.005+10:30

Last year I watched a J-Drama called Nodame Cantabile. Its one of the most entertaining shows I have watched in a while and the classical music was just an extra huge bonus. Juri Ueno acts as the female lead and she is absolutely adorable. However, while finding out more about her, I came across the fact that she also acted in Swing Girls, a japanese movie. I watched the movie before and I don't remember seeing her.

Now the leftmost picture is her in Swing Girls and the middle pic is her in Nodame Cantabile. Is it just me, or does she look really different?

N.B. I took this pic from some forum whereby other such photos of Japanese actresses can be found. Not too sure if you would call the changes you see as the ugly duckling phenomenon or simply going under the knife.

belated v-day post

2008-02-19T03:46:00.003+10:30

I know V-day has passed, but was listening to this song and was hence inspired to post the vid here. I think this was one of the sweetest moments in Coffee Prince. Guess Im a hopeless romantic... sigh...when will you serenade to me?

Going for the Giver and not the gift

2008-02-18T14:14:00.004+10:30

What if your girlfriend/boyfriend does not contact you (ie no calls, emails or smses) and does not seem to listen to you? He/she only looks for you when he/she wants something from you. What kind of a relationship is that?

Relationships thrive on communication and a lack of it often results in the breakdown of relationships. This I believe does not apply to just romantic ones but to all relationships in general - even a relationship with God, our heavenly Father and Creator.

Prayer is a form of comunication and even if it may not feel like this, it is actually 2-way. While you are presenting your requests to God, do try and listen for His voice, that still, small voice. Despite being big, strong and mighty, God does not impose His opinions on us by using a booming voice to make Himself heard (unlike one petite-sized person i know...). Hence, to hear Him we will need to really quieten ourselves and even turn the volume of the world down. If all we are doing is shouting our troubles to God and drown ourselves in the ways of the world, its little wonder that many of us do not really know God - because He hasn't really had the chance to make Himself known to us!

When I pray, one of the most common requests would be to ask God to reveal His will to me,in other words, what His plan for me is. Sounds ok? I guess, but in actual fact, like other prayers in which I pray that God will grant me good grades/weather/boyfriend, I am asking for a gift. I treat Him like some Santa Claus, only of a more supernatural level. I have realized that I am kinda approaching my relationship with Him all wrong. Back to the analogy of a BGR, how would you like it if your other half was only interested in what you had to offer than who you are?

People like to use the verse "'For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. However when life fails to adhere to that, like 9/11 or the 2006 tsunami, can we still believe and trust in a God who said that? Will you like Job, choose to trust in God, despite having your world crash down on you? Philip Yancey writes in "The Bible Jesus read", that God through Job, shows us that He cares more about our faith than our pleasure. Unknown to him, Job was part of a 'bet' between God and Satan, in which God 'betted' His reputation on Job, allowing Satan to invade Job's life but believing that Job's faith would not waver regardless. At the same point in which Job thought that God had totally forsaken him, God was actually very aware of his circumstances.

Don't trust in God simply because of what He has promised or what He has done for you, but because of who He is. Instead of seeking directions, seek Him and then He will reveal His plans.

Jeremiah 33:3 - “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”

A TV addict's version of Psalm 23

2008-01-22T02:56:00.000+10:30

Psalm 23 is probably one of the most familiar scripture to any bible-reading person. Here is what it may be like if it was written by a person who loved TV rather than God (taken from Running on Empty):

The TV is my shepherd. My spiritual growth shall want. It maketh me to sit down and do nothing for His name's sake because it requireth all my spare time. It keepeth me from doing my duty as a Chrisitan because it presententh so many good shows that I must see.

It restoreth my knowledge of the things of the world and keepeth me from the study of God's word. It leadeth me in the paths of failing to attend the evening church services and doing nothing for the kingdom of God. Yet, though I shall live to be a hundred, I shall keep viewing my TV as long as it will work, for it is my closest friend. Its sounds and its picture they comfort me.

It presenteth entertainment before me and keepeth me from doing important things with my family. It fills my head with ideas which differ from in the Word of God.

Surely no good thing will come of my life because of so many wasted hours, and I shall dwell in my remorse and regrets forever.

You may think I am exaggerating. However, I know myself, and just as I wrote previously, I surely wish not that this psalm becomes my lifesong. Rather, my prayer is that it will be more like this ( the real mc coy):

1The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

I have a boyfriend

2008-01-16T22:56:00.001+10:30

Because:

1) I am pretty

2) I am kind

3) I have a nice voice

that is IF we follow the logic of ten-year-old girls

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEAN & QIN!!!!!!

2008-01-14T23:14:00.000+10:30

I intended to post this yesterday, but after being caught in the rain whilst cycling, I was too tired and crashed at 10pm. Anyway, this post is dedicated to the both of you. May your grow more in grace and wisdom in the year ahead.

As we all grow older with time, maybe we can take a leaf out of this anonymous prayer:

Lord, Thou knowest better than I know myself that I am growing old and someday will be old.

Keep me from getting talkative, and particularly from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion. (yup, thats me!)

Release me from craving to try to straighten out everyone's affairs (me again~)

Keep my mind free frm the recital of endless details -give me wings to get to the point.

I ask for grace enough to listen to the tales of others' pain - they are increasing and my love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by.

Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally it is possible that I may be mistaken.

Keep me reasonably sweet; I do not want to be a saint- some of them are hard to live with - but a sour old women is one of the cronwing works of the devil.

Make me thoughtful, but not moody; helpful, but not bossy.

With my vast store of wisdon, it seems a pity not to use it all - but Thou knowest, Lord, tat I want a few friends at the end.

Drawing strength from the Lord

2008-01-09T00:26:00.000+10:30

Did I ever post the question of how to rely on God? Well, drawing strength from the Lord is pretty much the same thing and its a frequently used Christian cliche. Thing is, how many of us truly understand what it means?

In today's quiet time, Our Daily Bread (ODB) shared a few ways how we can do so.
1) Remember what God has done
2) Remember what God has promised

Following on from my previous post, I hope that this blog will enable me to remember His faithfulness to me. Do forgive me if this blog gets a little mundane as I will probably be jotting down certain things that may seem insignificant to you. However, if I bother to post about it means that I believe that it reminds me of my Father's love for me.

Take for example, 2 nights ago I thought I misplaced an earring. I was already quite upset at having lost the back of it, most probably while showering. Thankfully my mum's sharp eye caught it before she swept it down the sewage system. Initially I frantically looked high and low for the missing earring. Then I gave up and started to pray. The moment I finished praying, I turned and there it was on the floor!

You may think this is just pure coincidence and I was probably not looking hard enough the first time. However deep down I know that even small miracles like this prove that my God exists and that He loves me. My life has been full of miracles like this, from missing textbooks to a wallet dropped in a manhole and it is to my regret that I cannot remember all of them. Thus from now on, I will do my best to have a record of answered prayers and may they serve as a testimony of God's glory =)

rededication

2008-01-05T21:31:00.000+10:30

The first thing I wanted to write about was to rant about why people just can't be upfront? If it will hurt, just tell me. Don't say it isn't painful and then hurt me till I cry. If you would care to know, its my doctor. Sigh, I can't believe I paid $XXX for her to do something I can do at myself. And the best part she told me not to do the very same thing she did to me. Lol. Whatever the case, I just pray hard this is the last time I will ever have to suffer for my complexion ever.

Ok, rant over.

I must not let this blog become one in which I use solely to air my grievances and opinions, such that it only benefits me and no one else. Before blogging, I did my quiet time and I was reminded of the reason why I started this blog in the first place - I did it for the edification of both myself and others. Therefore should it come to a point where this blog no longer serves that purpose, I have lost the point altogether. I hereby rededicate this blog with its calling to help me not forget the things (that God has done) my eyes have seen or let them slip from my heart as long as I live, that I may also teach others of His faithfulness (Deuteronomy 4:9).

where does all my time go?

2007-12-22T20:11:00.000+10:30

i have finally hitched onto the facebook wave. as always, i am what you can call 慢半拍。 despite all my declarations that i will never sign onto it as everyone had it, i still gave in to peer pressure. it truly is a very good time waster, however after the initial stage, I doubt I will spend more than a few minutes a day doing the necessary maintenance work. I agree its a good way to share photos and I guess it will be replacing my photo blog.

Such things can be addictive and are extremely time consuming. If one is not careful, you may find time slipping through your fingers easily and before you know it, your entire holiday is gone. That is what I am most afraid of.

Every year, I resolve to make my holidays fruitful. Every year I fail to do so. Watching a couple of shows, meeting up with friends and even doing a little part time work, and soon it is time to go back to Adelaide. Not that all these are a waste of time. Its just that I have big dreams of making a difference somehow and well, every year my life seems to stay the same.

I guess I am a dreamer and I really want to move on from just dreaming big dreams, to making them happen. I am not sure how exactly I will go about doing so and I am pretty sure I will be ridiculed along the way. However, one thing I am sure is that as long as I put my heart to it and God-willing, even the most impossible dream can happen.

Speaking about God, brings me to the topic of spending time with Him. If there is one resolution I want to make, it would be to spend more time with Him. Instead of spending countless hours in front of an inanimate object, my time is best used cultivating my relationship with Him. Just like how couples in love can always be seen together, how can I who profess my love for Him fail to spend as much time as possible with Him? Spending time with Him need not be simply poring through the Bible every waking hour. It can also be a simple act of thanking Him for the meal or asking Him to guide you through life's daily choices.

To make things easier, we know that His thoughts of us outnumber the grains of sand (Ps 139:17). Now how can we not think about a God like that?

Post-convention thoughts

2007-12-14T00:36:00.000+10:30

I am writing this now on Microsoft Word… no… im not in Australia. Im back home, but unfortunately, the internet connection at home is kinda screwed at the moment, so there is no guarantee as to how long the internet connection lasts. Hence, Im reverting to my old method of writing it first before going online to post it.

My last update was about my Brisbane trip wasn’t it? Well Melbourne wasn’t any different from the last time I went there. I honestly fail to understand how come my friends can find heaps of stuff there and I can barely spend money on anything besides food. I guess I shouldn’t be complaining, cuz this way I did not overspend. I think I travelled a tad too much this year that I got a little sick of it. Maybe Im not as suited for travelling as I thought I was.

Although I wasn’t all excited about not going home early, I am very glad I made the decision to go to convention once again. I also wasn’t all that keen about sacrificing my first day in Melbourne for a 6-hour long intensive Bible Study preparatory session but likewise, I am thankful that I made that choice to lead BS this year again.

Its really humbling and amazing how God still chooses to bless people when they obey Him even without the right attitude. I admit I did not agree to be a Bible Study leader at Convention joyfully – I saw it as a responsibility or a burden. I took it on, because I knew they were short of people. I was feeling so self-sacrificial, which on hindsight, is truly hypocritical of me.

Thank God for His grace, despite my wrong attitude, He still blessed me with a very enriching session of BS prep as well as giving me the privilege to speak into the lives of my group members once again. He also sent a messenger in the form of one of my members to encourage me greatly with regards to my gifting – it was the first time someone affirmed me so strongly and I really am grateful for it.

Convention was a great time of ministering and being ministered by other members of God’s family. To those OCFers who have yet to attend one, I strongly encourage you to make the effort to go for at least one in your university days. You can go up to a person while queuing for food and say “Hi, I don’t think I know your name. I am _____. You are?” without having the other person think you are some nutcase. This year’s convy was smaller than the previous year’s, however I still had a wonderful time and I got to know almost everyone (well, I already knew the majority as most were from my state and a couple I got to know from last year’s).

I must say leading BS in convy is very different from the usual Friday weekly BS. Maybe its due to the temperaments of the people who attend convy or maybe its because people are more willing to open up to others whom they probably will not see for the rest of the year. Whatever the case, I am deeply touched by the willingness to share and learn, that was displayed during the BS sessions. And to my group and everyone at convy, once again, thank you for the time we had and for allowing God to use each and every single one of you.

holidaying

2007-11-27T18:04:00.000+10:30

hi everyone! decided to blog while i have some spare time before everyone thinks i have disappeared from the face of the earth.

currently im in brisbane, just spent the whole day at the australian zoo and was at gold coast yesterday. will update more about the trip later on. the reason why i have not blogged for almost a month, was because after my exams i just got super lazy. correction, i was lazy during my exams, no idea how much shows i watched during that period. terrible, i know. i just got so fed up with working on all my assignments, by the time i got through with them, i did not have any stamina left for studying exams. then again, i only had 1 mcq exam (90qns in 90mins, woohoo!) and one oral exam to prepare. the other exam was a take home exam that no one knew what on earth to write as answers. anyways, after my exams, i just continued watching shows and more shows (i think i was a couch potato in my previous life) and all other time was dedicated to either hanging out with friends or packing, which took longer than expected. thankfully, i dun have as much stuff as some ppl i know so there was still some space left to spare for michelle to pack in the kitchen stuff when she leaves.

i booked for this trip way waaaayy in advance when jetstar was offering cheap flights - i paid only $56 for the ticket from adelaide to brisbane. when i left, i wasn't all hyped up about coming to brisbane. i guess partly cuz i was surrounded by people who were going home straight and i was kinda missing home. 9 months is seriously a long time to be away from home. i could have gone home halfway, but thanks to my stubborness, i was stuck in aus the whole time. well, if it wasn't the case, i wouldn't have gone to hillsong conference and had the time of my life.

to be honest, brisbane is nothing like what I imagined it to be. i think i had too high expectations of the sunshine state and the world famous gold coast. my idea was more glamorous than what it is, and brisbane has turned out to be a really chilled out city, totally unlike the busyness of sydney and melbourne. cruising along the city on a sunday would make you think you have arrived in a ghost town. ok, not that deserted, but still not what you may be expecting of a city.

my impression of brisbane, is that its citizens live very active lifestyles. the city is designed such that people are encouraged to exercise - running/bicycle tracks line the river. i think its really good esp keeping in mind the obesity rates of this country.

took the public transport from brisbane to gold coast, which wasn't as bad as i first thought, and not that expensive either. went to harbourtown (which is a few times bigger than the one in adelaide) and surfers paradise where all the action happens. now is the time of schoolies, this nationwide declaration of non-stop partying for those who just finished yr12, their equivalent of the yr before uni. saw many people at the beach and its surrounding accomodation. however, gold coast was not what i expected either. it certainly was more happening than brisbane, but its not as glamourous as i imagined it to be. the beach was nice, but nothing spectacular. maybe it was because the waves were very mild when we were there. what marred the whole experience really was this bus driver who just drove off despite us hailing, which put us back 1.5hrs altogether due to waiting time as we needed to make 2 transfers. sigh... but the other bus drivers we've met so far have been really nice.

im with patricia, a junior in speechie and ocf, who comes from JB. and i must say we've both been very blessed to be taken in by theo and his mum, auntie lily. when i first asked dave from ocf queensland if he could help me find accomodation, i was quite hopeful. however, as time drew on, i sort of knew that we both probably have to stay at some backpackers. but to my surprise, 1 week before i arrived, i got news that someone has a place to offer. theo's house is huge, it has at least 10 rooms with doors, and they normally have 4 homestay students. theo and his mum have been such a blessing, cooking for us, driving us around - he brought us to the zoo today and bringing us to byron bay tomorrow. i really am thankful to be able to stay with him.

anyways, i gtg prepare for dinner now. theo's bringing us out somewhere for asian food. will update more hopefully before conv.

wait

2007-11-02T16:40:00.000+10:30

i don't know about you, but i have trouble waiting, esp when the situation just seems to get worse day by day. if you are like me, maybe you can learn something from this:

Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried:
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, “Child, you must wait.”

“Wait? You say, wait!” my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heard?
By Faith, I have asked, and am claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and YOU tell me to WAIT?
I’m needing a ‘yes’, a go-ahead sign,
Or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign.

And Lord, You promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I’ve been asking, and this is my cry:
I’m weary of asking! I need a reply!”

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, “You must wait.”
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, “So, I’m waiting … for what?”

He seemed, then, to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine,
And He tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.

All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want – But, you wouldn’t know Me.
You’d not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You’d not know the power that I give to the faint;

You’d not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there;
You’d not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.

You’d never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You’d know that I give and I save … (for a start),
But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.

You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that ‘My grace is sufficient for Thee.’
Yes, your dreams for your life overnight would come true,
But, Oh, the Loss! If I lost what I’m doing in you!

So, be silent, My child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft’ may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still, “WAIT.”

taken from "Perspectives - a spiritual life guide fortwentysomethings". Author unknown

can you guess what product has this slogan?

2007-10-29T16:52:00.000+10:30

Quilton loves your bum.

Never fails to bring a smile to my face everytime I read it. People who know the answer kindly refrain from spelling it out.

Don't give up

2007-10-18T17:46:00.000+09:30

the following is something i received in my mailbox and i hope this encourages you as much as it encouraged me. figured this would be better than flooding your emails =P

Don't give up

One day I decided to quit...
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality...
I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
'God', I asked, 'Can you give me one good reason not to quit?'
His answer surprised me...

'Look around', He said. 'Do you see the fern and the bamboo?'
'Yes', I replied.
'When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.
He said. 'In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit.
In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit.'

He said. 'Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.
Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...
But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.
I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.'
He asked me. 'Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots'.
'I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you.'

'Don't compare yourself to others.'
He said.'The bamboo had a different Purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful.'
'Your time will come', God said to me.'You will rise high'
'How high should I rise?' I asked.
'How high will the bamboo rise?' He asked in return.
'As high as it can?' I questioned.
'Yes.' He said, 'Give me glory by rising as high as you can.'

I left the forest and brought back this story. I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you. Never, Never, Never Give up. For the Christian Prayer is not an option but an opportunity. Don't tell the Lord how big the problem is, tell the problem how Great the Lord is!

Guidance

2007-10-15T16:29:00.000+09:30

just wanna share what a friend forwarded to me:

When I meditated on the word Guidance, I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word. I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.

When two people try to lead, nothing feels right. The movement doesn't flow with the music, and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.

When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead, both bodies begin to flow with the music. One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back or by pressing Lightly in one direction or another. It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.

My eyes drew back to the word Guidance. When I saw "G: I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i".

2 become 1

2007-10-13T11:25:00.000+09:30

Even though I have attended quite a number of relationship talks, thank you Joon Chong and May Kuan for a fresh outtake of God's plan for marriage.

Here's a snippet of what I learnt last night:

From Genesis 2:18-25.

God took out a bone from Adam's side, not from his head - so that the woman would rule over him, and not from his feet - so that the woman would be trampled by him. Rather from the side - to be an equal.

The bone was below the arm - so that she would be protected by him.

And from under the heart - to be beloved by him.

I like Joon Chong's quote that "love is not 2 persons looking at each other, but looking in the same direction". If 2 people are always only looking at each other, soon they will become cross-eyed and well, you might get sick of seeing each other. However, for a relationship to last, it is important that both parties are heading in the same direction.

If you are wondering if the person you are with now is 'the one', then maybe think about where your are heading. If his plans are vastly different from yours, ask yourself if you can accept them or will you feel that you are shortchanging yourself.

irony

2007-10-09T15:41:00.000+09:30

life is full of ironies and oxymorons. here is just one of many:

the proudest person is the one who does not think he/she is proud.

There's nothing my God cannot do

2007-10-08T13:42:00.000+09:30

My God is so big,

So strong and so mighty,

There's nothing my God cannot do.

This is a song almost every sunday school kid would know and truly there is nothing God cannot do. So for everyone facing a situation that looks hopeless, take heart, there is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is impossible with God. Please do not make prayer/God plan Z i.e. when all else fails. In everything, go to Him first and believe me, you will be saving yourself a lot of trouble. Praise God for the times You came through for us, even when we doubted Your ability to change things.

I AM AN OVERCOMER!

2007-10-07T11:51:00.001+09:30

I am tired of being tired. I don't know why I have been feeling so overwhelmed and constantly exhausted. All I know is that I have had enough of feeling less than 100% and this week God spoke to me through this week's bible study at OCF and today at church about being an overcomer.

Currently it feels like I am being overcome all the time - by assignments, by people who are full of negativity, by impatience as I wait upon the Lord for direction specifically for my next step, by people who seemingly refuse to help themselves and by many other circumstances that seem to have no resolution.

I admit, I am a complainer - I complain about a lack of time, lousy lecturers, Christians who are not Christ-like...

Talk about pot calling the kettle black - complaining is definitely not a trait Jesus had and boy, did He have much to complain about. He could have complained about how his disciples, despite seeing the miracles he did, still doubted. He could have complained about the crowds that clamoured for His touch when they heard about His ability to heal but not long later were just as eager to see Him crucified. But Jesus never did complain, in fact just the opposite, He was always giving thanks to God. Jesus was obedient to death, dying on the cross so that even those who crucified Him may have eternal life.

Romans 12:21 - Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.

I am truly ashamed by my opinion of the pastor who spoke today. The past times I heard him speak, I did not think highly of his preaching. And when he came up to speak today, I had an inward groan. However his message today totally changed my attitude and I thank God for speaking to me despite my lousy attitude.

The pastor's message was about becoming an overcomer. God calls us to be overcomers! Not complainers or people who give in to 'fate'.
1 John 4:4 - You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.

I remember someone once said, you don't need to pray for trouble, for you will definitely get it. The difference between an overcomer and someone who is overcome, is that the former gets transformed into God's image through trouble, while the latter gets deformed by the trials that come their way. An overcomer focuses on Christ but the person who is overcome, focuses on the crisis.

There are many things that seem hopeless in the eyes of the world - acheiving world peace, eradicating poverty, reforming ex-convicts or seeing someone stuck in a vicious cycle for years get a breakthrough. However, it is not ourselves that we are relying on to execute change but God and with God all things are possible.

HAIRSPRAY!!!

2007-10-03T16:57:00.000+09:30

just watched the show yesterday and I absolutely loved it, right from the start when Tracy started singing 'Good Morning Baltimore'. if you haven't watched this, pls try and catch it if its still showing at your local cinema or get the dvd when its out. the storyline is great, a lil corny, the music was just perfect, all in all, extremely entertaining.

besides 'Good morning Baltimore', the other song that had me tickled and going 'aw...' at the same time was 'I can hear the bells', the song Tracy sings after Link (what kind of a name is this supposed to be?) speaks to her for the first time and comments that she can dance.

I can hear the bells
Well, don't ya hear them chime?
Can't you feel my heartbeat keeping perfect time?
And all because he...

Touched me
He looked at me and stared, yes he
Bumped me
My heart was unprepared when he
Tapped me
And knocked me off my feet
One little touch
Now my life's complete 'cause when he
Nudged me
Love put me in a fix, yes it
Hit me
Just like a ton of bricks, yes my
Heart burst
Now i know what life's about
One little touch
And love's knocked me out and,

I can hear the bells
My head is spinning
I can hear the bells
Something's beginning
Everybody says
That a girl who looks like me
Can't win his love
Well, just wait and see 'cause
I can hear the bells
Just hear them chiming
I can hear the bells
My temperature's climbing
I cant contain my joy
'Cause I finally found the boy
I've been missin'
Listen!
I can hear the bells

Round one
He'll ask me on a date and then
Round two
I'll primp, but won't late because
Round three's
When we kiss inside his car
Won't go all the way
But I'll go pretty far!
Round four
He'll ask me for my hand and then
Round five
We'll book the wedding band so by
Round six
Amber, much to your surprise
This heavyweight champion
Takes the prize and...

I can hear the bells
My ears are ringing
I can hear the bells
The bridesmaids are singing
Everybody says
That a guy who's such a gem
Won't look my way
Well, the laughs on them 'cause
I can hear the bells
My father will smile
I can hear the bells
As he walks me down the aisle
My mother starts to cry
But I can't see 'cause Link and i
Are french kissin'
Listen!I can hear the bells

I can hear the bells
My head is reeling
I can hear the bells
I can't stop the pealing
Everybody warns
That he won't like what he'll see
But i know that he'll look
Inside of me yeah,I can hear the bells
Today's just the start 'cause
I can hear the bells
And 'till death do us part
And even when we die
We'll look down from up above
Remembering the night
That we two fell in love
We both will shed a tear
And he'll whisper as we're reminiscin'
Listen!
I can hear the bells

Sabbath-deprived

2007-09-26T10:31:00.000+09:30

Played captain's ball yesterday... for like 3 hours... and the last time I played that was like 3 years ago?

My butt, thigh and calf muscles are all aching now - payback for not actively exercising ever since leaving school. Yea I do go for a run every now and then, thanks to Mao who calls me up everytime the weather is good. But nothing as long and intense as what I did yesterday. It was real good fun though, thinking of setting up a captain's ball club here in the village.

After my crazy week at school, I was looking forward to a restful holiday. Unfortunately, I haven't really had one. This holidays have almost been jam packed with OCF activities. Just had a leadership camp over the weekend, which was really good - practical and enjoyed fellowshipping with the other 2 centres. As my MSN nick states, I truly am drained physically.

I wonder why. I mean if I am doing what God wants me to, shouldn't I "run and not grow weary, walk and not be faint"? (Isaiah 40:31b). Why is it that I am constantly so tired? I told a friend recently that ever since I have grown closer to God, my life seems more cluttered.

You may be wondering why I say that. Knowing God ought to make my life simpler, cuz my focus should be on Him and Him only. However as my heart starts to beat like His, I realize my life cannot stay 'simple' anymore. Gone are the days when I spend days and hours on end, just doing my own stuff. It was just me, myself and I. Holing myself in my room or at home, reading a book, watching some drama or even have the luxury of spending as much time as I want doing my assignments. Despite my inner yearning to do those, I am truly compelled by Christ's love (2Cor 5:14) to do otherwise. This does not mean that the time spent being there for others is done unwillingly, I really love building up other people. 'Compelled' in this sense is really 'I can't help but do so'.

Does this imply that I am being compelled to exhaustion? No - the only reason I am feeling exhausted is because I have been trying to do all these on my own strength, my own reserve, which obviously is limited. If I rely on God's strength, drawing upon His limitless resource, I will not be having this problem. Going back to Isaish 40:31, the first part of the verse says "but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles". If I want to not grow tired and weary, then I will have to place my hope in the Lord and not on myself.

This I am still learning to do, having grown up with such an independent spirit in me. I am not super-woman and never will be. I am only human and need my rest. Why else did God create Sabbath for us? Sabbath is important even during the season of harvest, when one is busiest. I like how Uncle Vincent describes Sabbath: "Unhurried time and space to get out of the frenzy of life, to listen to God". Sabbath is not a waste of time or efficiency. It is necessary and like a Chinese saying which goes "休息是为了走更长的路" (ie rest so that you can go a longer way).

AGM report

2007-09-18T11:18:00.000+09:30

i decided to post my AGM report, which should sum up my past of year of serving in OCF.

From the Programs & Teaching Ministry Coordinator, Lydea Gn…

The past one year has been a roller coaster ride for me, with countless highs and lows. It was a period I believe I will never forget as God used the events that occurred to mould me and shape me, so that I may be transformed into the image of Christ.

A year ago, I agreed to be the Programs and Teaching Ministry Coordinator as I wanted to serve in a ministry that has touched my life. Without OCF, I would not have rediscovered a love for God nor would I have adjusted so well to the role of an international student. I really thank God for leading me to OCF and the work He has done through OCF.

As Programs and Teaching ministry coordinator, I was responsible for the year’s program, including bible studies, speaker sessions and fellowship nights. However, if I did not have the committee’s wholehearted support, the program would never have come to fruition. Thank you my fellow commies, for your willingness to serve God and His people.

Preparing for bible studies required extensive research of resource materials so that they effectively complement the vision of the year. This instilled the discipline of studying God’s Word and I found that the more I pored through the Bible, the more I hungered for Him. As I did not have experience with group bible studies prior to being in OCF, this portfolio has been an exponential learning process and I would like to thank all my bible study leaders for being so patient with me. Every single one of you has a wealth of wisdom and I have learnt so much from all of you. I cannot thank God enough for your obedience to the voice of the Holy Spirit and your selflessness in leading bible studies.

Besides the BS leaders, I would also like to thank Garry who has always been there, giving me godly advice and vetting through the bible studies despite his busy schedule. Many thanks to Vanessa as well for all her encouragement and support. May the Lord continue to work through both of you and use you mightily to bring glory to His name.

Even though there have been times I got discouraged by my own mistakes, God always reminded me that, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9) It has been truly amazing and utterly humbling to see God work through the mess I made and use it for His purposes. Thank you God for the opportunity to serve you, thank you for allowing me to be a part of Your plan despite my inadequacies and thank you for Your constant guidance, patience, comfort and love that You have graciously bestowed upon me.

save the best for last

2007-09-16T13:18:00.000+09:30

I am absolutely bubbling with excitement and am typing this immediately after coming home from church. Today Pastor Steve Kelly spoke and guess what the title of his sermon was?

Theology of Optimism

About 2 weeks ago I wrote a post on a similar topic and this month I have been continually challenged to always look on the bright side of things. Its been so amazing to see how God is affirming His word to me and with that, my faith in Him grows ever more so.

Ps Steve took his sermon out of Genesis 1, the first book of the bible. I reckon many people, Christians and non-Christians alike have read this book. “In the beginning…” Im sure this phrase is familiar to lots of people. However, today, despite reading this passage many times over the years of my life, I have been introduced to a fresh new view. That’s what’s so amazing about the bible – the words remain the same, but it never fails to bring a brand new revelation each time. Each passage has a different application depending on your stage in life.

Ps Steve started off with how God thinks differently from us. (Duh… but you would be surprised how many people expect to have God all figured out. If we could understand everything about God, He wouldn’t be God anymore would He?)

How do you start your day?

With the morning right? And you end it with the evening. Correct? (unless you are having a night shift)

Genesis 1:5 says “God called the light ‘day’, and the darkness he called ‘night’. And there was evening, and there was morning – the first day.”

Hold on a minute. God started His day with EVENING and ended with the DAY. God’s day started in the dark and ended in the light.

The wisest man who ever lived wrote in Ecclesiastes 7:8 “The end of a matter is better than its beginning”.

What does this all mean? It means things are gonna get better! It doesn’t matter what the matter is, the end is gonna be better than the beginning. Regardless of whether you are in a good situation or bad situation now, its gonna get better! The best is yet to come.

If you are going thru tough times, and it seems there never was a good time in your life you would probably identify with Job (click here to read his story). This poor guy lost all his 10 children, livestock (which was heaps cuz he was a really rich bloke) and even his health, afflicted with painful sores all over his body. Now this guy was described as “blameless and upright, a man who feared God and shunned evil” (Job1:1).So obviously it was not because he was evil and that he was being punished. The reason why this guy had this whole lot of undeserved trouble is for another post, but if we read the last chapter of the book, Job 42:12 reads “The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the first.”

So you see that God has better things in store for you, even if it may seem at this point in time that His blessings seem to just fall everywhere except on you. If you read about Jesus’ first miracle, when He turned the water into wine at a wedding, the master of the wedding banquet says this of the wine, “Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.” (John 2:10).

Going back to Genesis 1, we see that God only rested after He made man in His image. Therefore God will not rest until you and I have been transformed by Him into His image. God does not give up halfway, He will complete the good work He has started in us (Philippians 1: 6). His image, His reflection is not impossible to achieve!

Dear brothers and sisters-in-Christ, I hope you are encouraged by this word as I have been. Truly God saves the best for the last. He is in your future, waiting for you to catch up. If you are going through a tough period, pls either tag or drop me a mail, I would love to pray for you.

Due to my experience growing up, I am often plagued with negativity. I am extremely critical of both myself and the people around me. It was not unusual for me to wrap myself in a holier-than-thou attitude which obviously ‘helped’ my PR skills. Having rediscovered a love for God, I am slowly learning to exchange criticism for encouragement, and what joy it is to be lifting people up instead of tearing them down.

Its very natural to focus on the negative and neglect the positive. The past one year of serving in OCF has opened my eyes to working in a Christian environment. I started wide-eyed and anticipated a warm and loving environment. One year later, all I can say is that it was nothing like what I expected. Somehow adding “Christianity” to the equation made things more complicated rather than simpler. A co-worker of mine once told me that she feels quite disillusioned and I can share her sentiment. BUT a very wise brother of mine helped me see the good in the situation instead of focusing on the negative.

Recently we had an occasion where we would all go out in the campus to invite students for an outreach event during the holidays. Sadly, the turnout was very small. When I shared about my disappointment with that very wise brother, he taught me to be encouraged by those who came rather than be discouraged by those who did not. It was simply a case of a glass being half empty or half full. I believe that choosing to see things in a positive light or negative way would determine your outlook of life.

My biological brother would probably attest to me being way too idealistic and some might even think I am foolish. But I believe I can make a difference in this world, not by my own merits but by God’s grace. Perhaps I am foolish, but I much rather be a fool for God than be wise for the world. We have been called to preach the GOOD NEWS, so brothers and sisters, please do not let negativity get in the way!

i need 48hr-days

2007-09-05T21:37:00.000+09:30

I don't understand why it 'pours' whenever it 'rains'.

After attending Hillsong conference, I was spurred to volunteer at my church conference which happens next week. Thinking I have a pretty relaxed schedule, I volunteered to help out on mon and tues when I do not have school. This would all be fine if not for:

The handover meeting for OCF and counsellor training this weekend. Yay! Finally passing the baton to the next generation. My duties do not end till the end of the year though...
Royal Adelaide show which starts on this fri right through the following sat. However, this sat would be the only day I can make it. Had a nice time last year and am looking forward to spending my money on the showbags, many are full of good deals.
IPP assignment due next wed. Im almost done with it just having to make a few tweaks about my phonological processes
Acquired Speech Disorders Interview report due next fri - I just found out what was expected of me for this assignment, obviously have yet to start on this
There is the usual bible study preparation on tuesday evenings
I am leading worship for OCF next friday
The residential coordinator application is also due next friday, in which I have to crap out why I fit the selection criteria and why on earth I want the job

Please pray that I will somehow accomplish everything I have to...

Power of Positive Thinking

2007-09-01T22:06:00.000+09:30

i have decided that the next time there is something on my mind, i will blog about it and get it off my chest. this not only ensures that i do not incur any chestaches due to bottling up all my feelings, but also i won't have to do 'spring cleaning' everytime i blog (i.e. clear cobwebs that have appeared due to my long leave of absence)

today i just wanna share about the power of positive thinking. this is gonna sound like some inspirational talk or something but i hope you will find this useful.

think about this:
You become who you are not by what happens to you but by your perception of what happens.

Agree?

For example, your parents may treat you well. However if you perceive that they do not love you as much as your sibling, you may well suffer from insecurities and an inferiority complex.

We can often be plagued by negative thoughts throughout the day. However, the way we respond to these thoughts is what separates a victor from a victim.

I am very insecure about certain issues - especially when it comes to friends. When I see my friends treating my other friends nice, I worry that they will like each other more than they like me. I.e. I get jealous. I constantly struggle with this and you could say this is the torn in my flesh, because I really do not enjoy feeling that way.

Thankfully I have learnt to look on the positive side of everything, well almost (still trying to see the positives in me missing the bus 3 times due to the bus company's screw up and being late for 3 appointments, one of them an interview. so far i only know that God was really teaching patience as I probably waited 2 hours in all that day). Anyway, with regards to the issue above, by God's grace I manage to see it as my friends showing Christ's love to my other friend. Instead of getting jealous, I was thankful that they are reaching out to my friend and encouraged them to continue to doing so. If I did not change my attitude, I dare say my friendships with both people would definitely have been hurt.

Another example of positive thinking would be as I was helping this friend when she told me she felt insecure and inferior when her boyfriend told her he admired certain characteristics in other girls. I told her not to feel threatened but to join her boyfriend in admiring what is beautiful, good, pure and noble. I told her that he was in some way encouraging her to become a better person and to see it as a challenge to be more Christ-like. Even if they are things that are simply aesthetically pleasing, there is no reason why she can't admire them too. I believe God created beauty to be admired. I think what her boyfriend told her was very wise:
He asked her to pick a flower at a florist and she did and so did he. Then he asked her if the rest of the flowers which she didn't pick were not beautiful. Cuz not right? Just because we have made our pick, does not mean that the rest are not beautiful and that we can't admire them right? Similarly although they have chosen each other, they can still admire the beauty in others.

The next time you are on the verge of becoming depressed due to negative thinking do try and look on the bright side. If you search hard enough, you will be able to find it eventually. Otherwise come talk to me and I'll help you find that silver lining =D

NO MORE TV!

2007-08-25T21:48:00.000+09:30

val says this space is gathering cobwebs... again... which reminds me of the 2 spiders i killed in my house today. oh well i seriously have to do a stocktake of my time to see where it all goes. its as though my 'time pocket' has a hole.

i really do need a time to just be still and hear God's voice. since finding some cave in hallett cove is not an option, i have decided to have a fast - no tv... for a week? well...i'll see how long i can last. quite tempted to go on an msn fast as well. but i think some of my friends will just kill me =P

Lord, help us

2007-08-14T21:23:00.000+09:30

Read an article today, that was quite relevant to my recent experiences.

Here is part of what was written:

Tyndale's LIFE APPLICATION STUDY BIBLE notes give some great advice for us as we consider the unknown -

Psalm 130:1,2
In the depths of despair, the psalmist cried out to God. Despair makes us feel isolated and distant from God, but this is precisely when we need God most. Despair over sin should not lead to self-pity, causing us to think more about ourselves than God. Instead, it should lead to confession and then to God's mercy, forgiveness, and redemption. When we feel overwhelmed by a problem, feeling sorry for ourselves will only increase feelings of hopelessness; but crying out to God will turn our attention to the only one who can really help.

I am not perfect, so how do I react when I am confronted with my sin? I can hide or I can do the above. Often we can't change our environment or do anything about our circumstances. However we can decide our response and it is that response that we need to be mindful about. Truly, What Would Jesus Do? If we want the world to change, then change should start with oneself. If we can't change, then how can we expect others to do the same?

everyone is welcomed

2007-08-12T23:32:00.000+09:30

Time flies... its been 1 week since I wrote that pathetic excuse for a post (pun intended). Yes, Ms-I-write-a-post-aka-essay does not count a paragraph of ramblings as a post. It needs to have an introduction, body and conclusion to be considered one.

Kidding... im NOT that anal.

Anyway, its kinda scary that what is blogged about, is placed on cyberspace for anyone to see. This includes people who know you well, people who don't know you that well and people who don't know you at all. Or possibly the cute guy whom you have been trying to impress for ages or an old friend whom you have lost touch with. As I choose to write very personal stuff, I feel kinda exposed at times. But I want to keep this real. I do not wish to paint a rosy picture of my life when it is not true. Life as a Christian does not come trouble free, in fact, Jesus promises that our lives will be filled with trouble. At the same time, or rather most importantly, I pray that whatever is written here does not stumble anyone. Although being a Christian definitely has tough times, I do not wish for anyone to go away thinking that my God is not bigger than my problems. He is infinitely bigger and mightier than all the problems in the world. It is however, our human nature that limits His power in us. I am accountable to God for everything I say and write so if there is any post that doesn't seem right, please let me know. And no, I do not gossip on my blog. Do I?

apologies

2007-08-05T23:08:00.000+09:30

ok... i know i promised but i think i'll have to break my promise about updating often. i don't think i'll be able to, not until for a while. just had a 3hr com meeting. so paiseh, came back home after church for a nap and had to be called to be awaken. lol. still suffering from a sleep debt incurred from the overnight prayer meeting. anyway, although uni work has not flooded in, there is heaps to do for OCF during this period of transition. so please bear with my silence once more while i try and get everything in order!

His ways and thoughts are higher than ours

2007-08-03T00:25:00.000+09:30

Alrite, I know I said I’ll blog daily but this post is a lil late cuz I spent 2 hours talking on the phone with my family. My resolution for this sem is to call home/friends more often and spend more time with people.

Now that I have gotten the excuses out of the way, here is today’s (or is it yesterday’s) post:

Initially intended to blog about the first day in Sydney, but a phone call made me change my mind. I shall tell you about the last Sunday I spent there instead. What happened then really reminded me that when we things go out of control, God is still sovereign. His ways and thoughts and truly higher than ours…

It was my third Sunday in Sydney and having been to the city campus of Hillsongs the previous Sunday, we planned to visit the hills campus just to have a feel of it. We even reserved seats on the shuttle bus that leaves from the city.

BUT I should have known better. The train station where we were staying nearby was undergoing maintenance works that weekend (I never heard of such things for our MRT in SG, I guess we perform maintenance at hours where the trains do not operate). Anyway, we caught a bus that took twice as long as the train would have if it was running but we still should have at least 10mins leeway. Let us not forget how regular buses can be and this one arrived about 5mins behind schedule. “That’s ok, we can still make it on time.” I thought. Well, we missed the shuttle and there was absolutely no way we could reach the hills in time and without having to spend a bomb. (Could someone from Sydney please explain why the bus services are more costly than the train when the train travels faster and way more punctual? The logic behind this eludes me.)

For some reason, which I now credit to PMS, I was incredibly upset that we missed the shuttle. Toni and Suria shrugged it off as no big deal and that we could just go for one of the 6 services at the city campus. However the more unaffected they seemed about not getting to go to the hills campus (where the action is all at, or at least seems that way), the more upset I became.

It was 10am and we headed to one of the many Sunday markets in the city. I was definitely not a good person to hang out with then. I am a person who wears her heart on her sleeve, so it was really obvious that I wasn’t happy. I was fuming and terribly incensed that I was so angry about such a small matter. As I did not want to do/say anything I might regret later on, I was very quiet and tensed as opposed to my chatty, gregarious self. Poor Toni and Suria bore the brunt of my bad mood, a real sorry to them and thanks for bearing with me. Retail therapy did not work cuz nothing caught my eye and a really rude stall owner who shooed both me and Suria away really dampened my mood further.

Sydney’s CBD is an awful lot bigger than Adelaide’s and it was a pretty long walk from Darling Harbor to Central station to catch the shuttle to the city campus. When we reached Central, we saw the shuttle just whizzed by. However, unlike the hills shuttle, the city shuttle ran non-stop between services (we weren’t so sure then, so we decided to just sit at the bus stop and wait, hoping the bus will come back to pick us up).

At the bus stop, we just sat to rest and then this lady came by and asked if this was where you waited for the bus to Hillsongs. We replied yes and she sat down next to us. I peeked a second glance at her and I found her vaguely familiar, and I had to ask her if I have met her before. Her first reaction was one of shock for she did not recognize me. However, I had a nagging feeling that I met her in China and she was even more surprised when I mentioned that. It took a couple more questions for us to finally determine that we have met before, last December when I went to Jinghong with my family.

The thing that amazes both of us is that we only spoke briefly in China, not more than 5 mins and I could recognize her after all this time. Also, she does not normally attend Hillsongs but as she was at the conference, she met someone from the church and was told to meet him at any of the 6 services on Sunday. So on one hand there was me who did not intend to visit the city campus that Sunday in the first place and on the other was her, who could have gone to a different service time or taken an earlier shuttle (we ended up 15mins late for service and came in just in time to sing the last few lines of Chris Tomlin’s Amazing Grace, which really shook me especially when we sang ‘my chains are gone, I’ve been set free. My God, my Saviour has ransomed me’, for I truly felt the chains of frustration and anger just fall off my shoulders. The song absolutely rocks btw, but that’s for another post). Seriously, the only way to call this is coincidence, also known as divine appointment.

Why do I say so? After the service, we ended up talking and she shared with us about her work in China. She told us that she wanted a quiet Sunday and was not really enthusiastic about talking with me initially. But thankfully I persisted (sometimes I really do have a thick-skin, all thanks to my dad) and from there she felt the Holy Spirit nudging her to invite Suria and myself to join her in her work.

Just before we left Sydney, she told us that after our meeting, she felt that she had to come to Adelaide and speak to the both of us again and let us know more about her work. She will be arriving next Saturday, and thanks to Toni, she may be able to get our church’s support. She was the one who called a couple of hours ago.

It is really funny how I used to want to stay away from whatever my dad is doing, and how now I may end up working in the same area as him. It is as though God brings me one full circle and this way I know that I am there not because my dad cajoled me into doing so. Rather, it will be because God has called me there and I am willing to obey.

I have always wanted to work in developing countries and ever since I came to Adelaide, God has been stirring my heart to do His work. However, I have never been able to go on a mission trip before, neither do I have a specific country in mind. I spoke to my parents about this issue and I know my dad is really happy about me wanting to do this. The opportunist in me is making me want to jump at this chance to be out there in the mission field. I cannot think of a better way for the opportunity to be presented to me than in the form of a miracle re-encounter. Still, it is important for me to seek God in this matter and not make decisions based solely on my own judgments or in Chinese -自作主张. See, I’m practicing my Mandarin already!

James 1:2-5

2007-08-01T22:50:00.000+09:30

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

I do not know if I can trust myself to write a post today.

Emotions are still welling up inside of me and threaten to burst forth if ever I dwell too long on them.

But I promised to update daily and I will stick to my promises.

A very special friend told me certain things today. Things about myself I wish I need not have to face. Again.

It is very easy to just strike it off as the other person being too sensitive, to put the blame on the other person for misunderstanding me. But I will not and do not want to. Its something I have to address and if I do not address it now, goodness knows how many more of my relationships will be damaged because of it. One broken friendship is far too many.

Its times like this that I would very much like to be isolated from the rest of the world. Not so that the world can’t hurt me, but so that I won’t hurt the world. I am afraid of the words that come out of my mouth. I would like to shut up for fear that the next thing I say is going to hurt someone. Knowing I have hurt someone, hurts me. What am I doing as the representation of Jesus when I can’t love the way He loves?

I wanted to call someone but decided to read the bible first, in the hope that I would be able to tame my emotions. And today’s passage was the verses at the beginning of this post. Put yourself in my shoes and what would you be thinking now?

I have read this passage many times, but this is probably the first time it has hit me so squarely on the head. Regardless of how crappy I am feeling about myself, I am asked to be joyous. This ‘trial’ will develop the perseverance that is necessary for me to become mature and complete. I am still in the process of being transformed in Christ’s likeness so I should not loathe myself for not being like Jesus at all times. There will be times that I fail and the wonder of it all is that despite the countless times I fail, God still loves me and sent His son down to die on the cross – for me, who will undoubtedly fail Him again sooner or later.

Oh, and wisdom. I definitely need God’s wisdom in keeping a tight rein on my tongue. The best thing is that I all I need to do is ask, and it will be given to me. I know for sure I won’t be able to change on my own but I am not alone.

It was a good thing I read the bible and persisted in writing this post. I am definitely less hysterical than when I first started. And thank God that He is seeing me through it all!

P.S. To that special friend, please do not feel bad when you read this post. Do know that I truly appreciate your honesty and you caring enough to tell me what you told me.

13 June 2007

2007-07-31T11:22:00.000+09:30

*DISCLAIMER* This post is extremely personal and I am putting it here so that you, my dear friend can know me better. I pray that it will not cause anyone to stumble but perhaps you may have felt the same way before and I just want to let you know that you are not alone in feeling what I am writing about. By exposing myself like this, I know that I will be judged by some, but I only ask for love and understanding.

I am afraid to ask this question: What does it mean to rely on God? To draw strength from Him?

By asking this question, I may reveal that beyond my ‘spiritual’ or ‘religious’ façade, I am only as close to God as the person next door is. And I can’t have that. Not as a committee member and bible study leader in OCF. I am to be seen as a person of a certain level of spiritual maturity. I dispense advice about a person’s walk with God, the to do’s and do not’s. Surely I must know the answer to that question! I tell people everyday it’s the answer to all their problems! Asking that question would just prove that I am a fake…

Would it?

Maybe…

Maybe not.

If by humbling myself, and be unconcerned about what others may think of me, I ask the question and find the answer, won’t my faith get strengthened? And the next time I tell someone to rely on God, I truly know what it means to do so.

In Christianity, we have many clichés – pray, trust God, read the bible… All these are stereotyped answers for every bible study. I think the reason why they are repeated so often is because
1) The are the fundamentals of the Christian faith
2) Many of us are just not doing enough to these!
When I asked someone what it meant to rely on God, he asked me if I prayed enough. So when is it enough? How many times should we pray a day? 3 times like Daniel or 5 times like the Muslims? How many chapters of the Bible should we read each day?

We like to quantify stuff and often it becomes pretty legalistic. But believe it or not, our God is not a legalistic God. The Jews in Jesus’ time were big on legalism – you only needed to forgive a fellow Jew 4 times and then you are free to hate him for life (ok, the Bible does not put it that way, but you get my gist). When Jesus’ disciples asked Him how many times are they to forgive their brother/fellow Jew, (hold your breath now), Jesus said seventy-seven times. Some translations say seventy times seven, that makes 490 (Matthew 18: 21-22). The thing is Jesus was not giving them a definite number, for the only way you could keep track of 77, much less 490 times you forgave a brother, is to have a logbook. Jesus meant that they will have to keep forgiving their brother.

Forgiving is not the same as condoning. Jesus does not advocate self harm by letting oneself be hurt again and again by the same person. If someone is hurting you, please do not allow yourself to be abused in any manner. However, forgiveness I believe is more for yourself than the other person. By forgiving, you are freeing yourself of whatever hold that hurt has on you. You are doing yourself a bigger favour than you are doing for that person by forgiving him/her. Withholding forgiveness leads to bitterness and many a time that will prevent you from loving others and feeling loved in return.

I see that I have gone off-tangent. Haha… Oh well, whose thoughts do not? But even though I have not fully understood what it means to rely on Him, I am learning day by day to surrender to His will. I guess the day when I surrender my all to Him and give Him full control, is the day I have learnt to rely on Him and trust Him.

Typing this at a later date, I see that I could very well have been in the shoes of one of the Pharisees during Jesus’ time. The Pharisees were a bunch of very religious people and their refusal to humble themselves caused them to miss out on eternity. Let’s not be religious about Christianity, let it be about being and not doing.

im back!

2007-07-30T11:18:00.000+09:30

Okok, im gonna stop procrastinating as of now. I think one of the reasons why I have been pushing this off is because I know that it will be very long and that I will be at this for hours =P But it makes it worst, cuz the longer I wait, the more things I have to write and the longer I’ll write… ok. It’s a vicious cycle. So people, procrastination is not a good thing to pick up.

Let’s see, my last post was on 1 Jun. What has happened since? Lots. Haha. Hopefully I can remember everything and share with everyone.

Well, basically the whole of June, it was either preparing for the exams or having to sit for one. Had 6 papers. To those back home, it may not seem much, but with majority only having 2 or 3 papers here, 6 is a lot. Its not as though I did not have a multitude of assignments prior to the exams. It was truly a very stressful period as I have never felt so unprepared for an exam before. I am the 10-year plan girl, and it scared me terribly that I did not have the time to go through all the material for each topic at least twice before the exam.

Call me crazy, but after years of being a failure at PR skills, my security and confidence lied in my academic performance. It was not sufficient for people to tell me that I am smart, I had to work extra hard not to prove them wrong. Anyway, with everything that happened the last sem, I had to understand that I could not expect to be able to put in the same amount of preparation as I usually do. So I just did my best and let’s just say that God has been faithful. I will not, I repeat, WILL NOT fall into the trap of comparing with my other classmates because when I compare I am telling God that what He has given me is not good enough. God often gives me results that are good enough to keep me thankful and humble at the same time. I still remember the time when I got an L1R5 of 7 points and a D7 for Higher Chinese, despite studying the hardest for it. What a joke.

This brings me back to the time I was studying for my exams. A friend’s comment of being disorganized and having the wrong priorities kept ringing in my head. I worried and I questioned whether or not my decision to join OCF com was correct. What if my results suffer because of it? Then thoughts of whether to stay on in com plagued me. If I step down, is it because I am not trusting God to carry me through the responsibilities of OCF and workload of my course? Or do I want to step down because I feel that I could do more outside of com for the people that God brought into my life? I was also approached to join the com for convention, this camp that is held every year and next year in Adelaide. With so many options, I found it hard to choose. In fact, I am still unsure about my decision to stay on in the local com. But 1 thing for sure, is that wherever I choose to serve God, He will definitely be faithful. My last sem’s results are proof of it. In fact, over this couple of weeks, or months, I realized that I am thinking less about my duty as a student but about my duty as a child of God and my work for the furtherance of the kingdom. I know when I say this I will have people tell me the same thing I always told others – If God sent you here as a student, then your utmost duty here is to be a good one. And believe me, I have not forgotten that. In fact, God-willing, I intend to do my honors and eventually a PhD in my field. Have I said this before? Ok, maybe not and I can just imagine some of your thinking I really have lost my mind. Maybe, but I definitely see the need for more research in my future vocation. I digress.
The point is, I have not forgotten my duty as a student. But I recognize that I am called to be much much more than just a student who scores straight As. I can be a student who scores straight As AND reach out to the hurting AND feed the poor AND proclaim His name to the nations. This may sound impossible which probably is by human strength, but I will not be relying on my own strength but on God’s. I pray that I may not only glorify God in my grades, but in everything I do. What is the point in having excellent grades and living just for the now when I can live for eternity? I want my life now to count for eternity, because compared to our lifetime here, eternity is a long loooonnnngggg time.

Do not get me wrong when I seem to harp on how terribly busy I was last sem with things other than school work, but still managed to do really well considering circumstances. The only reason why I keep mentioning it is because I want everyone to know that it is by God’s grace and His grace alone that I pulled through. 1 Corinthians 1:31 – Let him who boasts boast in the Lord. I can recall praising Him when I was doing my readings because I had no trouble understanding what I have to learn. If He did not supply the much needed wisdom, I would definitely have had a panic-attack and freaked out before the exams. Contrary to popular belief, I do not have an IQ of 180.

I’ll stop here for now lest you ppl think you are reading a draft for an autobiography. To not make your feel so overwhelmed, I’ll be giving you the rest of the story bit by bit. I’ll be updating daily from now on, so stay tuned =)

Lydea can't but God can!

2007-06-01T11:44:00.000+09:30

When I was young, my dad made me repeat this phrase, to remind myself that it is God who is almighty, God who is all-knowing, God who is always in control - not me.

Back then, I failed to fully understand that phrase. Things almost always went as planned, although I was a failure at PR-skills, I always acheived my academic goals and I thought that was enough. To me, there was nothing that I wanted to do but couldn't. Well... that was then.

This whole semester has been tough, real tough. Its not just because I am taking 6 modules with tons of assignments and readings to do, but also because of all the issues thats have been thrown my way. Bible studies did not go as planned, meaning I had to redo them from scratch. Having to discern which friend(s) were telling the truth. Lending a shoulder to cry on to someone who seems to be always making the wrong choices. Or simply listening to the frustrations of a disgruntled housemate.

They all may not seem much, but put them together, its like having to deal with a tsunami. Needless to say, I am drained, mentally, physically, emotionally and even spiritually. There were times I cried typing an email to my parents cause I just didn't know what to do.

I finally understand the phrase now, having experienced so many things that I can't handle alone. If it weren't for God guiding me and giving me strength as well as sending angels (ie all my friends) my way to support me, I do not know how I could have survived that tumultous period.

Im still learning not to rely on my own strength to do things, but to lean on Him. Things are a lil quiet at the moment, thank God, so I can start my revision for the exams that are in less than 2 weeks time!

getting there

2007-05-10T16:39:00.000+09:30

okok... im gonna update...as requested by Sarah... even though i still have 2 assignments due next week

hmm... what has happened since I missed my quiz dateline? Well i just got my grade yesterday and praise the Lord, I actually got full marks for it! Even though I got penalized 5% for being late, I truly thank God for my results.

My classmates say Im really disorganized this sem. Which is kind of hard to believe, because I have always prided myself on being really organized. However, the previous post is proof that my life is a little haywire at the moment. I guess its just me having too many things on my plate that even though I try to eat a bit of everything, I am not able to give my 100% as much as I would like to.

Anyway just wanna share some mini-miracles/blessings that God has given me (other than my quiz):

This week's bible study was deemed unsuitable for OCF on Monday, hence I had to Friday to come up with a whole new material. Usually I just take the studies from a book and make minor adjustments. This time, I had to come up with all the questions for a certain passage. It kind of stressed me out but thank God, He truly honors those who honor Him.

Yesterday, I had to choose between doing my Quiet Time or start on my work after school. Decided to do QT first and all the questions came to me! They were truly God inspired! For I couldn't have squeezed out those questions all on my own.

Then I wanted to email it to the rest of the bible study leaders but my computer hanged like 6 times in a row. It was presenting symptoms of being infected by this virus thats on the uni network (internet sucks on campus accomodation). I ended up calling a guy friend whom I thought would be pretty comp-savvy and yea he did give me good advice. But i never got to use it cuz my comp got better as soon as i called him. What happened in the end was I started chatting with him and then his girlfriend, who shared with me something that i have been worrying about and praying for. It was as though my comp had to hang 6 times so that I could be connected to my friend. I wouldn't have known what was really happening if I didn't call. Funny how God arranges stuff sometimes.

Thanks to everyone for encouraging me and praying for me. Im still trying to get my work done, but rest assured, they won't be overdue.

shellshocked

2007-04-30T10:20:00.000+09:30

i am utterly shocked at myself...

i actually managed to forget a dateline! and the best thing, i only realize it 1/2 hr AFTER it was due.

Well done lydea.

There were so many things that led me to doing something that is totally out of character for me. I've always prided myself in putting academic first. Although I am now learning to put God first, I am pretty sure that God doesn't want me to be neglecting my studies either. My advice to people have always been, "God brings you here to study, your duty first and foremost is to be a good student, not a good OCF com member or church member."

Then again, the reason why I have been so busy is not just because of OCF. I was actually so preoccupied with doing the assignments due today (I honestly would puke blood if I have to write another sociolinguistics and bilingualism essay) that that I had a quiz due yesterday totally slipped past my radar. I also forgot to write it down because I only knew we had one like a couple of days before. Given the circumstances, it is hardly surprising that I forgot, but still, its really not something I am accustomed to.

My housemate says I am quite calm about the whole thing. Oh well, I already missed the dateline, there is really nothing I can do about it other then to pray and trust that God will provide. My lecturer is letting me take the test, but currently there is some problem with the website (as usual) so I can't access it as yet. I'm gonna get penalized for being late as well, but better late than never.

The verse that kept ringing in my head this morning was: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6.

The reason eludes me as to why God allowed me to forget (note the difference: God did not CAUSE me to forget, but everything that happens is under God's jurisdiction, good or bad). Or why I had to go through what I went through at the beginning of this year. So far, 2007 has been a pretty rocky year, injecting some excitement to my otherwise monotonous life. I can only think that God is rocking my boat, sending storms my way, pushing me way out of my comfort zone, so that I can experience His peace amidst the chaos. So that I have no choice but to lean on Him and not on rely on my own strength. Because honestly, no matter how strong I may be, there's gonna be a breaking point somewhere.

It has not been easy relinquishing control (I'm quite a control-freak) but slowly (and hopefully surely) I am learning to trust that God knows what is best for me. When trials come, leaning on my own understanding to make sense of the situation is pointless. Certain things just defy logic, I think most people would just attribute it simply to bad luck. But despite everything, I know I am secure in the loving arms of my Father, who is always there for me.

So dear friends, if anything, please pray for me. Pray especially for wisdom - I need lots of it =)

how I spent my 21st

2007-04-25T11:48:00.000+09:30

people have asked, what did i do on my 21st birthday? well... on 18Apr2007, i woke up at 925am, still a little exhausted from the camp that ended the day before. i did my laundry and went to the library do some research. after doing some work, i went to qin's place for dinner, and then came home to do some more work.

ok, before any of you start feeling sorry for me, herez how i celebrated my 21st:

On the last day of camp, 17 apr, my lovely group surprised me with a camp t-shirt with all their birthday greetings written on the back of it. They were trying to surprise me, and although I sort of knew what was going on, I was terribly touched when presented with the tee.

on the 19th, i had a potluck party at qin's place, with my coursemates and a couple of friends who stay on campus. yup, this was the surprise party that wasn't very successful because i came to know about it. but it was really awesome having so many friends with me to celebrate my birthday and not forgetting delicious food (i tell you, we all become good cooks once we come overseas to study). thank you once again to everyone who came! i truly thank God for allowing us to forge frienships with one another.

lets not forget the bbq at suria's place on the 21st. even though there were some misunderstandings about the time and place, it was still a blast. it was like a triple celebration, suria's housewarming, david's (another guy from flinder's ocf) birthday and mine, all rolled into one. there were so many people, and i was glad that the ecamp com could come even though i only told them about it a couple of days before. it was good that they were able to surprise david because that boy didn't even invite anyone to the party! there was loads of food as well, i think dennis brought a whole cooler bag of chicken, and insisted on barbequeing it till it was beyond 'chao-tah' (for those who don't get the pun, the ecamp's theme was 'beyond').

if you are interested to know the presents i received as well as pics, keep a look out on my photo blog. i'll be posting photos as soon as i can as im now suffering the consequences of playing too much during the hols. back to assignments!

Grace and Gratitude

2007-04-06T14:40:00.000+09:30

First, I just want to say a big THANK YOU to all my friends who were planning a surprise party for me. I really appreciate all the effort you all have put into the surprise. THANK YOU for making me feel so special and loved. I thank God for friends like you all - I do not know what studying here would be like without each and every one of you.

Really really very SORRY for all the confusion and stress I brought to you all. SORRY that I did not trust you all enough to plan a party for me, and thus went ahead planning my own. SORRY that the surprise was spoilt because you all did know how else to deal with the mess I made.

Today is Good Friday, a day for thanksgiving, to thank God for giving us the most precious gift – His Son. Went to church for the Good Friday service, something which I do not do in Singapore (an apology to Rach if I caused you to stumble in any way). Wasn’t sure if I wanted to go, but since Dennis could give me a lift, I just went. And as usual, I came home filled with gladness that I went to church, as I do on Sundays.

I love church here, in a way I never felt back home. Its not the music that are 100 decibels louder, or the way it looks more like an exhibition hall than a church or the fact that I am surrounded by ang mohs (aka Caucasians). But I love how the Word of God is not only preached, it is also lived. Messages here have a life of their own, never failing to touch me every time I hear them. I marvel at how it always seems so appropriate and relevant to me. Worship is also spirit-filled and you can just feel the presence of God.

The sermon was short and sweet. Initially I wondered if Pastor Gary could have offended the non-Christians in our midst by cracking this joke of how an atheist was complaining that we Christians get all the holidays – Easter, Christmas, etc and how atheists had none. Then the atheist’s friend replied: “Why don’t you celebrate April 1st?” Pastor Gary went on to quote Psalm 14:1 – The fools says in his heart, “There is no God.”

In sharing the gospel or preaching God’s word, we sometimes worry over offending others. But one thing we must never be afraid to do is to proclaim the truth. The truth includes things like sin and judgment that are not pleasing to the ears, but nevertheless still have to be preached. Because without knowing what sin is and how we “all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23), then we can never understand the meaning of grace.

We celebrate Good Friday to remember the greatest act of grace. Did you know that Christ’s death was predestined before God created the world (Revelation 13:8)? When God created the world, He knew Adam would fall and all the heartache that mankind would bring Him. But because of His great love, He still lovingly made each and everyone of us and sent His Son down to die for us.

Often people blame Adam for their own sinful nature. True, “as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin. (Romans 5:12)” But likewise, “those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ. (Romans 5:17)”. At the end of the day, it is your choice – death or life.

Think about this: Jesus was born to die. His main purpose here on Earth was to die for our sins on the cross. However, we are all born to live. We are all given the chance to accept God’s grace and His gift of eternal life. A gift is something we do not need to work for, we just have to open our arms to embrace it. Are you willing to accept this gift?

Where would I be without the cross?
Where would I be without the blood you shed for me?

in contrast

2007-03-30T12:27:00.000+09:30

Its funny how some non-Christians would stop themselves from discussing about a person lest it becomes a bitching session while people who claim to know Christ have no qualms airing their misgivings about another brother or sister-in-Christ to others.

Gossip - its so natural, yet so wrong. I constantly struggle with knowing what is gossip and what is not. Often it can be disguised as concern (does " Let's pray for..." sound familiar?). A pastor once mentioned that gossip is when the act of sharing is not part of the solution to the problem.

Gossip is also a way we judge others, which really isn’t our job but God's.

Matthew 7:1 – “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.”

Gossip is also a sign that we are not really active in our faith and in our lives. If you think about it, the busier we are, the less time we have to gossip. We no longer have the time to get wrapped up in someone else’s life. And the Bible warns us against it many times.

1 Timothy 5:13 – “Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to.”

Leviticus 19:16 – “Do not go about spreading slander among your people. Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor’s life. I am the Lord.”

Romans 1:29 – “They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips.”

Ephesians 4:29 – “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Proverbs 6:16-19 - "There are six things that the Lord hates, yes, seven which are an abomination to Him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that run rapidly to evil, a false witness who utters lies, and one who spreads strife among brothers. "

Even just listening to gossip is wrong!

Proverbs 20:19 - "He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, therefore do not associate with a gossip."

Matthew 12: 36 - "But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgement for every careless word they have spoken."

When someone hurts us, its so easy to just tell a friend about our grievances, to seek comfort. We may mean no ill to the other person, but that is not the way God wants us to handle our problems.

Matthew 18:15 -"And if your brother sins, go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. "

Or if you know that someone is doing something wrong:

Galatians 6:1 - "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted."

I may sound like I am advocating confrontation, but I believe that it is what God wants, only if we do so in love and not for vengence or to prove that you are right.

I myself have been at the receiving end of the result of gossip and I do not wish for anyone to go through what I did. It also pains me to see how many get put off by Christianity because of how we as Christians appear to be such hypocrites. Its true that we are human after all, and it is human to err. I admit that I myself am not free of this sin but by the power of Christ, we can overcome it.

time to get back into the rhythm of things

2007-03-22T16:22:00.000+10:30

as requested by Val, I am now updating my blog.

Well I am back on campus, not in the big and comfortable units but in the small but homey townhouses. Less space means less to clean. I was initially worried about where to put everything, but after setting everything up, I realized I have more than enough space and I have pretty much settled down into my room. Being on campus also means you won't be seeing me update as often (more so out of laziness/busyness than stingy-ness) but I'll try to be better this year cuz internet is cheaper! Not really actually, but I need to use more to make my money's worth.

I forfeited my bond... can't be helped I guess, but my landlord managed to find someone to move in like the next day. Emailed him, hoping he replies. Maybe he'll be gracious enough to return me part of my bond. *praying hard* On hindsight, if I had been honest with him about the girl changing her mind about the room, I might not have had to forfeit the bond. Oh well...

The reason why I moved out in such a hurry was because my landlord billed me $120 for bringing people to see the room. Well, he brought 8 ppl and the first 2 are free and the next 6 were at a discounted rate of $20 per person. The costs include picking them up, showing them around the house, answering phone calls, etc. The thing was when I asked if it was ok if I referred people directly to him, he said ok and did not mention anything about billing me. So I was so shocked when I saw the bill. Thankfully I had 2 friends with me (who were there to look at the room) who brought me to the International Students Services Unit where I was directed to the Office of Consumer and Business Affairs. There I was told, that no matter what I shouldn't be paying for such a thing. Well, it'll be awkward to stay on if I do not pay for such a thing right? And initially there was a girl who said she wanted the room but she changed her mind.

Back on campus, I was faced with another dilemma. Qin says my life is like a drama, someone ought to help me write my life story. I chose a townhouse in which there is 1 Singaporean, who is graduating in April and 1 Chinese girl doing her PhD. When I moved my stuff the day before I got my key, I was really happy to find that they are both nice people. However, my Singaporean housemate wasn't all too pleased about the arrangement. You see, as she grads in Apr, she decided to share the contract with another girl who will be coming back at the end of this month. This way, the both of them need not pay rent for the whole semester. But there will be an overlap between the times she leaves and the girl comes back. So she thought that she could just simply move into my room, since it was empty. There were other rooms in other townhouses that were empty too and 2 girls from another townhouse even came to find me to try and persuade me to move in with them. The thing is I felt really comfortable in my current townhouse and I was too tired to move. So I decided to stay put.

Some of my friends felt I should move, since my current housemate didn't really want me there. While some felt that I should just stay where I was, why should I move based on the convenience of others? Another friend put it this way:" You asked for that room, and God gave you that room."

I have finally settled down and starting to catch up on readings and research for assignments. It feels good to be doing what I need to do. My housemate is fine with me now, no animosity or anything and I am enjoying long talks on the phone with others on campus. I guess you can never underestimate the power of support from friends nearby, esp when you are away from family.

All is well now, thank you all for your prayers. Sorry for making you worry. Just missing my old housemate, Samantha...

2007-03-08T21:00:00.000+10:30

Lord... I need you... now....more than ever...

You are all I need... restore my soul...

through the storms of life

2007-03-03T21:50:00.000+10:30

I think many people should know my predicament by now.

I was foolish, blindly optimistic, obstinate... and made the mistake of moving out of my showroom apartment with the best view on campus.

When I arrived at my new place 1 week ago, I realized how pampered I was last year. This current place is not exactly a dump, but it obviously cannot be compared to my previous accommodation. Being in a daze due to a lack of sleep on the 7hour midnight flight, I went through the notions of moving in, going to Raymond's place to get the rest of my stuff and lugging them into a room that barely seems to fit them all. Unlike last year, I was all alone in this new place, without friends around me. The first 2 nights were unbearable. My new housemate (who is really nice) had guests over, which kept me awake, despite me being dead tired. For the first time I've been overseas, I felt terribly homesick. Even trying to cry to sleep did not help.

Honestly, the room is fine. But what is really pushing me to move out and back on campus is the 25min walk to school (I have lessons at 9am 4 days a week btw). Walking to school in the cool mornings is ok, I've turned it into morning chats with God, thanking Him for watching over me and praying for someone to take over my place soon so I can move out. Walking back in the middle of the day, with temperatures soaring above 35deg Celsius, up the steep hill, is not easy. As much as I would like to put up a brave front, I do not think I can do it for the rest of the year.

Since last week, my life has been an emotional rollercoaster. Highs when people express interest in the room, and lows when they choose not to take it. I do not know how long I can take it and cope with the readings that have seem to flood in with every lecture I attend. Thank God the assignments aren't due till a while later.

But every dark cloud has a silver lining and I would like to say my cloud is probably half silver. During this period, I come to realize I am truly blessed. All my friends have been wonderfully supportive. Not a single one said "I told you so" although I would probably have said that if the roles were reversed. My housemates who know me for only a couple of days helped post notices in the various campuses for me. Everyone tells me that things will work out eventually/soon and I know that they do not know when things will work out but they just want me to keep my hopes up and not fall into a depression, for which I am very grateful.

The best thing of it all, is how Quiet Time with God have become so personal and close to heart. First He reminded me that He answers prayers, ask and ye shall receive. Then He told me to cast my cares on Him and His peace will guard my heart and mind. Yesterday He said He hears when I cry out and will deliver me. And today, El Roi - You are the God who sees. Its simply amazing how He reminds me everyday that my heart is in turmoil, that He is here for me and He is truly all I need.

I believe that every thing happens for a reason. Qin says my life is full of dramas. Perhaps... I do not know why things do not go smoothly at times, however I know that whatever happens, God has a reason for letting it happen. And I believe that I have taken out valuable lessons from this incident. Firstly, not everything can be measured by money. True, I may have saved money moving out of campus, but the convenience and comfort of being around friends is gone. Also, before insisting of moving off campus, I should have thought it through more carefully about living off campus alone. I guess there are certain things that you only learn through experience.

A friend told me that she thinks this incident is a blessing in disguise as she feels I have changed for the better through it. Whether or not I have changed, only time will tell and by God's grace, I'll pull through this!

goodbye...but only for a while

2007-02-23T18:52:00.000+10:30

what to write for my last post in Singapore before i leave to resume my studies in Adelaide?

honestly i do not know how to express what i feel about the last 3 months back in Singapore... perhaps doing so in Mandarin might help

开心？当然！我还记得有些时候我笑到肚子痛。

伤心? 的确有些不开心的事，生活本来就是起起伏伏。

闷？废话！这次回来朋友不是在上学就是做工。好多时候想出去走走，可是又找不到人陪，只好一个人逛街或留在家里用电脑。我想在新加坡待的这三个月，我用网际网络的次数多过我在澳洲还要多。

我刚刚从戏院回来，看了门徒这部电影。吴彦祖好帅！还有戏里的小孩超级无敌可爱！哈哈！

“人因为空虚才吸毒。” 其实我们都有一个无法填满的空虚，就算吸毒，也无法把这个空虚给填满。唯一能够填满这个空虚就是主耶稣，因为我们是为他而造的。没有了他，生命永远找不到意义。

今天晚上我就要搭飞机回去读书。心里有点依依不舍但带点对未来感到兴奋。我昨晚还做了有关考试的梦！天啊！哪有人还没开学，就有这种梦呢？

亲爱的朋友，请不要为我的离去而掉泪。天下无不散之筵席，跟何况我会回来的！保重！

the world is so unfair!

2007-02-20T14:17:00.000+10:30

unfairness is when you are a girl and...

...your brothers have longer, fuller lashes than you do

... your brothers have better complexions than you

... your brothers stay so slender regardless of what they eat, and even seem to be losing weight while you have sleepless nights because everyone commented on how you have become 'fleshier'

and i thought God is fair?

distraction vs depression

2007-02-16T02:57:00.000+10:30

I was looking through andy's europe trip photos and almost forgot what I wanted to blog about. Europe is still as gorgeous as ever. Although it doesn't seem like he went to any of the places I did 5 years ago (so long!), memories of my own trip to Europe still flooded my mind and the urge to go back has never been stronger. Anyone who is planning a trip there, please bring me along!

anyway, yesterday was a bad day for me. not because it was Valentine's and I was without a date, but because nothing seemed to go right.

i've been buying things online and haven't had any problems but I have been waiting for my printer ink cartridges since monday. the seller is uncontactable and i trust the integrity of singapore's postal system. when will my package arrive?

trying to sell off my nokia 6280 (im not that techy, no need for a 3G phone...yet). if only i closed the deal earlier i could have sold it for $300 and not get cheated by some idiot who did not understand what bidding online was about.

the weather has been sweltering and my brother n father really know how to heat things up. the 2 of them kept pestering me about when the fishes were coming (i ordered from val).

my blood pressure was probably sky high yesterday and to prevent myself from simply losing it, i committed to heart Philippians 4:6-7

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Thankfully 2 of those 3 things have been settled. Just have to pray hard that my ink cartridges eventually find their way into my post box...

secular or spiritual?

2007-02-10T19:54:00.000+10:30

i know of some who do not listen to the radio lest they be influenced, as some has said, the music we listen to and the tv we watch mould our thinking. and of course not everything the media has to offer is wholesome or helpful.

however, recently a few songs although from secular origin, led me to think about my spiritual walk. who says God can't work through non-Christian sources?

Amazing grace by Joey Yung (this is the Cantonese version but I believe some of us have heard the Mandarin one on radio)

This song is pretty commercialised I must say, I think a couple of non-Christian singers have sang this song. Nevertheless, the lyrics of the original song encapsulates God's saving grace for us, for we truly are all wretched sinners. If people are drawn to this song, then I guess they must be seeking God, whether or not they know it.

I am who I am by Guang Liang

Exodus 3:14 (NIV) - God said to Moses, "I am who I am. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I am has sent me to you.'"
The name "I am" expresses God's character as the dependable and faithful God who desires the full trust of His people. It implies that God is complete and He is all we need. In John 8:58, Jesus uses the same name for Himself, declaring that He and God are one.
I wonder why Guang Liang used this as the name of the song...

我一直都在 by 林稷安&程于伦( I don't think that there is an mv for this song, but someone made this using clips from My Girl)

This song is from the soundtrack of 花样少年少女 aka Hanakimi. I don't know why, but as I was writing the post forsaken, this song kept playing in my head.

我一直都在你身后等待

等你有一天回过头看我

我的笑送给你

希望你快乐

你的难过都给我

关于你的一切我都好好收藏着

I guess this song made me think of how God is always there for us, and for those who have yet to come to know Him, waiting for us to accept Him into our lives. He is a God who knows us best and loves us the most, thus He only wants what is best for us.

Psalm 139: 1-16

O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be

im an auntie!

2007-02-07T16:31:00.000+10:30

i admit, i am an AUNTIE! not as though my classmates haven't been calling me one for the past five years, but my recent purchase leaves me no choice to accept that i am a true blue auntie.

TAH DAH!
a 7pc pots and pans set.
bought from carrefour no less. it was on offer, plus its light (3kg!), so i thought it would be a good idea to bring it over with me since i'll be moving to a new place. was contemplating between this an a non-stick wok, but was told that non-stick cookery don't last because once you scratch the surface, you can't use it anymore as its poisonous. however, this would mean i'll need to use more oil for cooking. gosh, you either die from coronary heart disease or poisoning.

now that i look at my nails again, it really looks quite auntie~sigh...

and the auntie in me, delights in the fact that she went kbox yesterday for the lunch time and ended up singing till 315pm (it ends at 2pm actually) =P

honestly, kbox is something in which the people you go with is very important. it makes a whole lot of difference between having a good or bad time.

anyway, last fri night was really an eye opener. firstly, singaporeans really sleep late and many enjoy k-ing. we went to cuppage road partyworld, and although it was pretty ulu, we were chased out promptly at 11pm as there were people who wanted to use the room. even as we left, we saw quite a number walking in to sing. went for prata supper after that, and missed the last train!

thank God, after a panic attack and a long bus ride, i finally made my way home safely. well... i've never been out so late, and I can just imagine how much a taxi ride would have cost, so obviously i was a little worried about finding my way home. but praise God for buses like the night rider, which brought me home from Orchard all the way to Simei, passing by bugis, geylang, eunos... its a real gem. the following morning i told my parents about my bus ride, and while i was prepared to receive chastisement for reaching home so late, my dad surprised me by saying that one day he wants to take the night rider too! lol. i guess my parents realized that im soon officially becoming an adult and now that I am back, they can't expect me to never come home later than 11pm. of course, it is also unbecoming if i were to stay out late every night. but once in a while, is not too much to ask right?

tales of Narnia and pretty feet

2007-02-05T17:27:00.000+10:30

A BIG THANK YOU to Val for treating me to a pedicure! I now have pretty toenails hee. Had a great time chilling out at cafe del mar on siloso beach, just the 2 of us. We must have more of such girl outings whenever I come back k? Sigh, its gonna be 10 more months... but I'm sure time will fly by, and before we know it, Im back again! And therez always MSN to keep in touch.

Since I have nothing much to do when I came back, I embarked on the mission to finish reading all 7 books of Chronicles of Narnia. As they were written for children, they were a much easier read than J.R.R. Tolkien's LOTR which was so cryptic, I managed to read a book a day.

I absolutely adore the parallel world/ different dimensions storyline. How hundreds of years can pass by in one world when its only a few months over in another. Gets a little confusing as the story jumps from one time zone to another, but therein lies its appeal.

I know many have mentioned how Chronicles of Narnia mirrors Christian beliefs and Aslan, a representation of God. Nothing beats reading the books and finding out for yourself.

Aslan is a lion, who is said to be untamed. He is not safe, but he is good. We all like to think of God who is safe, someone who is love can't be dangerous at the same right? Unfortunately for us who like to focus on the notion 'God is love', we fail to see something that is just as important. God is not only love, but also holy and just. And it is because of the judgement that we will all face one day, that makes His grace all the more precious. God is love, but He is still the Almighty Creator of the heavens and earth, who deserves reverence. Last but not least, human nature causes us to sway towards a god that does our bidding. God cannot be tamed and it is us who is to do His will, not the other way round. Honestly, I wouldn't want to worship someone who does my bidding because that would mean I am more powerful than that person right?

Throughout the books, you cannot miss the running theme of those who used to be bad being turned around and given a second chance to do good. Our God is a God of second chances and no matter how terrible a person is, we have no right to deprive them of a chance to turn over a new leaf. Its easy to reach out to nice people, because they deserve a spot in heaven way more than those hypocrites and traitors. However regardless of what one might have done, we are all God's children, created in His image.

Like many Jap anime, the main characters of the stories are children. Perhaps its because the books were meant for children or maybe C.S. Lewis wanted to drive home another point. In the stories, the children were prevented from re-entering Narnia after a certain age. It seems like Aslan was an age-ist (discrimination against the old, or rather not so young).

And he (Jesus) said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven - Matthew 18:3.

As we grow older, we lose our childlike innocence, our ability to have faith in an all-knowing God. We get bogged down by worries, limited by our own capabilities and desire to rely on ourselves. So unless we learn to simply trust Him, we are not ready for paradise.

And what is paradise like? Well as the book and the Bible says, when we are there, it would be as though whatever is on earth, is like a shadow of it. Even the most beautiful scenery on earth offers only a poor reflection of the real thing waiting for us. Are you yearning for paradise or are you unable to let go of the things here?

kkkkkrazy

2007-02-02T15:39:00.000+10:30

i must get down to blogging what i've wanted to blog for ages but that will have to wait.

im krazy i tell u. karaoke twice in less than a week. been planning to go with Philana ever since we realized we both love it in Adelaide. going with her and Qin next tues.

just chatted with my choir pal, and it so happens that he is meeting up some of the other choir ppl tonight for karaoke. realized i've never been to karaoke with my choir frenz. how can? and ive been wanting to meet up with them for so long. of cuz i'll go! although its gonna burn a hole in my already very holey pocket and im not exactly in the best condition to sing...

i guess its just a small price to pay to make up for my addiction to singing which i fed by singing for 10hrs a week last time =P

ooh... and thank you everybody for your compliments! i guess this new blogskin is here to stay =D

forsaken

2007-02-01T14:55:00.000+10:30

before I start grousing, let me announce a good news: I've found a place! Thank God for Danielle who took the trouble to look at places for me and called around. Thanks to all my friends who prayed and worried for me. Your concern is well appreciated =)
http://www.ptlaustralia.on.net/ - Im gonna be staying in the Bellevue House rm 7. Basically I will be sharing the place with another Aussie girl, in this wing of the house which has 2 rooms, 1 bathroom and a kitchen. Can't wait to go back and move in. Im going back just 2 days before school starts, and I'll have to move all my stuff there and set up my place and not forgetting - buy groceries! ah...how? no time...no time....

i think i've been sleeping way too much here... slacking is officially bad for health. not only do you put on weight, you stay lethargic the whole day, as though you did not rest at all. and the worst thing about it is that you start to 胡思乱想 (let your thoughts run wild). Being pessimistic by nature, my thoughts tend to be... well... pessimistic! The only optimistic ones are probably my daydreams of becoming a superstar and that all the guys whom I fancy having a crush on me. Ok, that's more like a delusion than anything.

Perhaps I was just pms-ing or maybe I was really thinking too much. However, because of my past, I couldn't shake off the feeling that my nightmare is happening all over again. Just when I thought I could say goodbye to it forever. I shan't bore everyone with the details, but my dear friends I am sure your know what I am talking about.

As I was wallowing in self pity, I did my quiet time (it was like 11pm when I ought to have done it first thing in the morning and not just b4 going to bed). and it dawned upon me, (not for the first time, mind you, but we all need reminders) that the treatment I was perceiving from some people was exactly how I was treating God! The same God whom I pledged less than a year ago not to break His heart again. The same God who despite the countless times I have let down, did not fail to be there for me whenever I needed Him.

"He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces, he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him and afflicted. " Isaiah 53: 3-4

By going about my life, without a care of Him, even indulging in activities that does not honour Him nor edify myself, I totally disregarded His presence in my life. God is omnipresent and this means He is always there even if you do not think of Him or even disbelieve in Him. By my own human effort it would be impossible to think of Him every waking minute, to love Him with all my heart, all my mind and all my strength. But all things will be made possible through Christ.

"But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:5

Still, Im very disappointed in myself. God, please forgive me, for hurting you after all that you've done for me...

someone save my ears!

2007-01-31T12:26:00.000+10:30

the entertainment industry never fails to amaze me, either with their antics in marketing or simply their choice of a new artist. where are the real talents hiding?

im fine with the Project Superstar and Singapore idol finalists. The winners no doubt the best of the lot, still have a lot of room for improvement, which is ok, cuz it goes to show that they have potential. No way can we compare with Australia and America, whose talents perhaps amount to the total population here. Likewise the number of silly people who delude themselves to be better than all the previous Idol winnders outnumber the gd ones like 10 to 1. How else do they get such ridiculous clips to amuse us week after week?

saw a promo video by Apple Hong Yi Xin at POSB yesterday. just checked it out and eeps! she has an album as well. i've nothing against her, but as far as i know, her voice is nothing extraordinary. granted she isn't tone deaf, however many people aren't tone deaf either and you don't see them cutting albums everyday.

lets talk about a real talented person - Clay Aiken (my bro says hez gay, but i honestly dun really care). i was so happy when he released another album after his first eons ago, couldn't wait to listen to his voice all over again. to my dismay, this second (well third, if u count the christmas album) is all covers. its weird that being an idol alumni, his first consisted of originals and second, covers. why couldn't they have gotten people to write songs for him? not that he doesn't breathe new life to those classics, but he needs more songs to call his own.

nowadays, its no longer talent that matters but marketing or rather packaging. u find a company thats a genius in making you so likable that it won't matter if your voice is below average or your looks nothing to exclaim about, and your cds will rake in sales. you will still have a following of fans that scream your name and faint at the prospect of getting near you. honestly, what is the world coming to? my ears are straining to hear really good music on the radio...

my sky is falling

2007-01-25T18:00:00.000+10:30

the only reason i can give for not updating earlier is plain laziness or maybe my life was so mundane, it was not worth blogging about. however just as i was a number 1 bummer before i now have too many things to handle.

it never rains, it pours. and just like how previously the days were all sunny and bright and the dreary, rainy ones are back, my life before and now seems just like the weather.

i was royally pissed when I called Lapmate a few days ago to find out that the 3yr warranty displayed on the packaging of their optical mouse is in actual fact only 1 yr since I got it when I bought my lappie from NUS. This mouse was spoilt the moment I took it out just before I left, and they gave me the wrong information then so I had no chance to change it. Since I have been away, the 1yr warranty is already over so I am stuck with a useless mouse that I never got to used.

the same day, my brother and i went to funan to buy the wireless router. finally, i can use wireless at home. and thank God, we manage to set it up after hours of frustration. i suggest that Linksys give instruction manuals that are clearer . 2 days ago, my SD card seems to be having trouble being read by my comp. Just figured it out that i could format it on my digicam and it is as good as new. Thank God I do not need to make a trip down to Albert Complex to get it fixed.

the next 3 days I will be going out non-stop, to meet up with friends. although it is thoroughly enjoyable to catch up with people, it takes a toil on your wallet and alot of your time as well. but i guess certain things can't be helped if you are not around 9mths of the year.

wat truly bothers me now is the fact that my intended housemate has bought a house. but it is not walking distance to school and it is only available late march. so regardless of whether i choose to stay with her or not, i will have to find a place to stay the moment touch down. so its back to, looking for housemates, a place to stay that is reasonable, all these without being in Adelaide. which makes things really hard and i feel really bad asking my friend for help. God please grant me wisdom in choosing the place and who to stay with.

Praise the Lord that the vision for this year's OCF flinders is out - "His image, His reflection". Now I have to start planning the program for the year as well as the bible studies. Will have to discuss with Rach how to settle DG (discovery group). I know fully well what I have to do, but I can't seem to stop the feeling of being helpless from creeping in. Perhaps its good that I realize that I can't do it on my own strength, but my only hope lies in God. As has always been my problem, head knowledge seldom equates to heart knowledge. Back here, I dunno why but I feel really distant from God. Examining myself, maybe its due to the fact that I have unlimited usage of the internet, a ton more interesting shows to watch on TV or that I have stop actively serving. I guess I am someone who loves by serving, but am I mistaking service for a real relationship with God? I'm still looking for the answer...

resolutions

2007-01-11T01:45:00.000+10:30

ok, this is 1 wk late, but here goes...

For this year, starting as of this week, I hope to:

1. Nurture a hunger for God's word, so much so that its the first thing that comes to my mind every new morning. If possible that it will be the first thing I do after breakfast.

2. Exercise! Ok... this has been on my resolutions list for the past ten years and I have yet to keep to it. However, I have went to exercised twice in this week alone (my sore legs can testify to that), so it looks like Im off to a good start. Hopefully I can keep this up, even in Adelaide. 3 times a week, 30mins each time is what I aim to do at least.

3. Sleep early and wake up early too. For practical and beauty reasons. I wanna get rid of my panda eyes, which unless I sleep early, will never disappear. Also, my place is undergoing some construction which never fails to wake me up by 9, so if I want my 10 hours of sleep, I ought to be in bed at 11pm.

Umm... i think that's about it. If I am able to keep these 3 resolutions I'll be very happy.

nobody comes here anymore

2007-01-08T18:59:00.000+10:30

Alrite, its official. No one reads my blog anymore. Haha… well at least that’s what my counter tells me.

In that case, I have no time to wallow in self pity. I have got to do something before my blog becomes a ghost town and then I’ll have to tear it down to make way for something newer and better. I’m a true blue Singaporean aren’t I? =D

Then again, I set up this blog for myself and it is in this tiny space in cyberworld where I can be self indulgent. A place where I can express a fraction of the thoughts that run thru my mind every day. However can I truly write what I want here without inhibition or censorship?

The answer is no. Because if someday, someone were to stumble across this blog and finds something offensive, I could be in real deep trouble. A blog could be private, especially when no one visits it or when one puts restrictions on viewership. Still, it is not the same as a pen and paper diary which you could hide under lock and key, in which only you have access to. The World Wide Web is open to just about anyone who has internet access and because of that, whatever one posts, one has to take responsibility for it. Esp in this tiny little red dot, cuz there’s absolutely no way you can hide.

But the question is why is no one reading my blog? Is everyone so busy? Or have the content of my blog caused people to shy away or possibly pissed them off? Its probably the latter being that I always unwittingly offend people, so why should my blog be any different. To my dear friends, if there’s something that makes u uncomfortable, please please let me know. If there is one thing Im afraid of, it would be cold war. And believe me, this blog was never meant as a weapon to lash out at others, but its primary purpose is to encourage and uplift whoever reads it. If it ain’t fulfilling its purpose, tell me and I promise u, I’ll definitely do something about it.

would you believe if i told you?

2007-01-02T03:38:00.000+10:30

Would you believe that I am more concerned about you than what you think of me

Would you believe every word that comes out of my mouth is only because I want what is best for you and not to tell you how to live your life

Would you believe I would never intentionally hurt you, for hurting you hurts me too

Would you believe that I have shed a tear for every stick of cigarette you smoked tonight

Would you believe that I have ever gone on my knees to pray for you, that my God may bless you and watch over you

Would you believe I really want to know you better if only I knew how

Would you believe I know being away for so long I have no right butting in and saying certain things but I try anyway and pray that you’ll understand

Would you believe this poem is not about my disapproval but the only way I know of telling you “I love you”…

reflection

2007-01-01T16:32:00.000+10:30

i don't know why, but as the year 2006 drew to an end, and 2007 arrived, i started lamenting. my heart is welling up with loads of regrets and its nt about the year 2006 but of the year 2005.

you may think that i am 1 year behind time however it could have been the anticipation of going overseas to study that prevented me from giving myself the opportunity to look back and reflect on that year. or maybe its only on hindsight that i begin to see the folly of my ways...

1. I should have taken up driving. Private driving lessons are way cheaper over here and I had over a year to complete it. Now there is no way I'll be able to finish it in the 2mths im back in sg and I can't stand paying more than i have to for anything

2. I should have travelled more! Especially to Taiwan with Val when she asked. Honestly, I can't remember why I did not go with her.

3. I should have seeked medical help for my complexion instead of spending an obscene amount of money (which I earned) that did no good but only made things worse. Im quite puzzled as to why didn't I go to the doctor when I was like 16 or something and waited only after JC. Guess Im not that concerned about my looks as I thought I am.

4. I can't seem to get over certain things I felt I shouldn't have done or said and its driving me nuts. Even though I know its no use crying over spilt milk.

There will be more if I allow myself to ruminate but I won't cuz I can never go back in time so there is no use thinking about the 'What ifs". Instead Im gonna choose to focus on my blessings.

1. Thank God for granting me the scholarship, no doubt its partial, without it I wouldn't be able to complete my studies.

2. Thank God for being with me in Adelaide, surrounding me with people who became my foster family in a place where I barely knew anyone. These wonderful brothers and sisters made me feel accepted me for who I am.

3. Thank God for keeping me sane and upholding me during the semesters especially when all the datelines were closing in and exams looming ominously over me.

4. Thank God for the grades He has graciously given me.

5. Thank God for allowing me to come home in July and Dec and provided seats on the plane for me to rush back for my grandfather's wake and go back to Adelaide for the 2nd sem.

6. Thank God for my parents who have supported my decisions all the way and been there for me always.

7. Thank God for close friends whose friendships with me are not affected by time and distance apart.

8. Thank God for the fantastic time I had in Melbourne and convention. I was truly blessed by everyone I met.

And the list goes on.

I learnt that if one were to always focus on the bad things that has happened, one would easily become depressed and seriously no one likes to be around a depressed person. But if you learn to count your blessings, your outlook in life would be much brighter.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus ."

removing chipped nail polish

2006-12-31T01:45:00.000+10:30

i removed my french manicure nail polish. received nice comments for it but alas there were too many chipped areas that it was better to get it all off. it was quite disappointing to see my real nail colour again after a little more than a week and i am hoping to get another french soon if only i had the money.

removing this nail polish was quite painful cuz i really liked it (or rather the compliments i got) and it only lasted but awhile. it wud have been great if it din get chipped so soon from all the housework im doing, but thats nt realistic.

today another 'polish' was removed and the experience was even more painful than the above. its the 'polish' of trying hard to do something right only to find out you have been doing it all wrong. then there is that little voice that tells u to just give up, let someone who is more apt at not offending people do the job, why bother trying, u'll only get urself hurt.

the temptation to listen to that voice is very great. i mean if you'll only be hurting others and urself, its better to just stop. cuz despite ur best intentions, u are only doing more harm than good. right?

perhaps. but many a time we are called to do something that we are weak in. take for example Moses, who stuttered, but was called to go against Pharoah and bring the Israelites out of Egypt. can u imagine if he ran away from his calling?

maybe u'll say it aint my calling but i believe that we are all called to love our neighbour. and what better way to love than to share the greatest gift of all? if i am not doing it the right way, then i guess the only thing i ought to do is ask for wisdom in showing love. im not perfect, and i may never get it right, but thats not gonna stop me from trying cuz i know there is someone who believes in me.

Grace like rain

2006-12-26T18:26:00.000+10:30

I believe most people have heard the song Amazing Grace. This song is essentially the same but with a different tune. What better time to think about God's grace than during the Christmas season?

Its Boxing day today or the 2nd day of Christmas. Spent a really quiet Christmas yesterday and am stuck at home no thanks to the rain. However my weekend was pretty happening.

Met up with my old secondary school choir mates on fri night, some of whom I haven't seen since I took my O's. It never fails to amaze me that with my AHS friends, regardless of how long we haven't met, we always can chat with one another like we have been keeping in touch all along. Had a good talk with one of them who is currently at a crossroad of his life.

In our lives we all will face crossroads, which remind me of the one thing i know from econs - opportunity cost. When you choose something, the opportunity cost is what you are missing from the other choices. When you are serving God, often He will ask you to choose one that may seem foolish in the ways of the world. For example, give up a high paying accountant job and become a social worker that pays only a fraction. It is tempting to ignore God's voice in situations like this, however, when you decide to obey, God will reward you in ways you can never imagine.

Sometimes God seems silent and lets you choose. You desperately want a clear sign from Him but He is as vague as a cloud. You look for Him in friends' advice and parents' wishes, in thunders and whispers. But you can't seem to find Him at all. Its as though He wants you to make the decision on your own, the decision to trust Him that no matter what, He is still in control. Thats what so amazing, the sky may be falling down on us or the earth opening up, God is still in control.

Some of your may be sick of hearing this, but let me have the pleasure of saying it once more. After the rejection from NUS med sch, I had to choose what to do next. I had no idea and I was asking God to help me, since He closed that door, He had to open another one. I had a nursing scholarship waiting for me and I applied for speech in aus. I accepted nursing, as logically speaking without a scholarship I couldn't study in aus and NCSS then had not gotten back to me. However, the dean of Ngee Ann poly called and told me to reconsider. It wasn't a direct no, but I took it that it was not for me. I accepted my place in Flinders and though I had no idea how my studies could be financed, I had no worries. It was amazing, for someone who is a worrier, to have no doubt I'll finish my 4 years. Call it blind faith, but when you are doing God's will, a peace that transcends all understanding will descend upon you.

This story of mine has a happy ending - God came thru for me just 3 days before i left for Aus. So I just wanna encourage all my friends at crossroads of their life, to obey God if you are hearing it loud and clear or to just take a step of faith and God will reveal His purpose for you. Sometimes you have to make the choice before you know its God's will.

oh some ppl are soooo insensitive

2006-11-28T01:07:00.000+10:30

woohoo! im no longer a freshie! well that is if i pass all my papers (praying hard). wasn't planning to make a comeback post like this. but i'll just put it up while i fix my tagboard.

Oh… I have got to write this down. I seriously can’t believe some Aussies, and to say the least, I am proud to be Singaporean.

Now its not the public transport system, even though the efficiency and pricing system still leaves much to be desired. But its about something else, something bigger.

Last Sunday, I was watching this news programme and it was about Islam in Australia. It seems that Muslims do not feel accepted here and they are treated differently even though they may be born and bred in Australia cuz they dress differently and have unusual names.

I just saw this on another programme - some people were complaining about how having the Halal sign on Nestle products (e.g. KitKat) to state that it is ok for Muslim consumption, is damaging the packaging. WHAT THE?

Let me quote the guy, “ I do not think we ought to…. For the sake of the minority…” Oh for goodness sake, its just a small symbol, not as though you can’t see the word KitKat anymore, or its preventing us from reading the nutritional value of the chocolate bar. Its not just some ordinary people off the street, certain big businessmen feel the same.

I am not a Muslim, but I am still deeply offended by what that guy said. He even said it shouldn’t be like that, not in 2006. HELLO! Are you living in the 18th century when the whites were colonial rulers? It is exactly because that we are living in the 21st century that we ought to be respecting the rights of the minority and try to accommodate each other. Especially in times like this, to prevent any more misunderstandings between cultures. And seriously, how does having the Halal sign change things? Is it because the symbol offends you? Why should it, when it doesn’t apply to you? It is simply so that Muslims can buy the product, knowing that they are not breaking any religious laws by consuming it.

Now in Singapore, I believe that every product that is Halal has the symbol to show it. I do not even notice it, unless I am having a party and having some muslim friends over. It is hardly detrimental to the design of the packaging and you throw the packaging away after consuming the product anyway. Who frames it up you tell me?

It is truly sad that there are people whose horizons are so small, never understand what it feels like to be a minority or to even be considerate to the minority. Maybe its because Singapore has been so cautious about racial harmony that I have such strong views. However, the minority, not just applies to race and religion, it could also apply to the disabled. Now Australia has done pretty well in that area, and Singapore has much to learn (just thinking about that guy who complained about the lifts at mrt stations being a waste of resources is enough to make my blood boil).
At the heart of this, I believe is the difference between knowledge and ignorance. People are insensitive when they do not understand the reason behind certain things. So I guess, it is important to educate others about sparing a thought for people who are different from themselves. Meanwhile, God please help me love those idiots…